One of the biggest mistakes a teacher can make is to have an emotional reaction to misbehavior.
This can play out in a number of ways.
- Glaring
- Lecturing
- Arguing
- Berating
- Brooding
- Grumbling
- Threatening
- Scowling
- Pacing
- Using sarcasm
In other words, you show displeasure in front of your class. This can ruin your authority because . . .
It’s weak.
Like it or not, if your mood and behavior can be swayed by misbehavior, it communicates to your students that you’re not a strong leader.
Even the youngest students can recognize that outward signs of inner fragility prove that they can get under your skin and knock you off your center.
It’s small.
Lowering yourself to a misbehaving student’s level by battling with them or showing how they hurt your feelings makes you appear petty.
It shows immaturity and insignificance—which are the opposite of strong authority—especially compared to a teacher who can keep their cool despite things not going their way.
It’s inconsistent.
You promised to follow your classroom management plan as written. Period. If you lecture or admonish instead, or even in addition to, you’re going back on your word.
You’re being inconsistent, which always increases bad behavior and resentment and weakens leadership and authority.
It’s off-putting.
To have authority in the classroom you must be likable. Students must admire and look up to you as someone worth following.
Losing emotional control even once drops you down a few notches. It’s an unattractive look that will cause less respect for you and less influence over their behavior.
Dirty Work
Whenever authority drops, misbehavior increases. Your lack of emotional control gives students a green light to see how far they can push you off your game.
The solution is to allow your classroom management plan to do your dirty work for you. Let it handle all misbehavior. Wash your hands of the responsibility.
Your only job is to follow it.
In time and with consistency, the urge to react will go away. The result is that your authority will rise and your students will view you as a leader worth following.
PS – Check out this week’s YouTube videos:
1. Why Students Get Worse When You Try to Help
2. How to Get Students to Care About Consequences
3. How to Stop Repeating Yourself All Day
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I have 28 first graders and no place for a “timeout” area. Any suggestions?
Also when a student asks me a question that I’ve already CLEARLY and specifically given directions for can I say “Ask someone who was listening.”
In the past I’ve had students sit in the hall just outside the door so I can see them. I have 2 timeout spots but sometimes going to timeout gets contagious and I need a third spot. (This is only with some of my hardest groups. I’m a specialist so I see every class in the school.)
Many of these techniques work but I admit they don’t always work for me. Since I teach students over 5 years there are just some relationships that don’t work. It eventually comes down to parent support if I can turn it around.
Even when I think I’m doing a good job not reacting emotionally I found myself saying to a group of 4th graders the other day to “Stop acting like pre-schoolers. People expect more of you when you are older.” They knew what they were doing was wrong and stopped. But I kept thinking I shouldn’t have said that. It’s hard.
The point about inconsistency hit hardest for me. Lecturing instead of following the plan might feel like teaching a lesson in the moment, but students notice the double standard immediately — and that’s exactly when accountability stops landing. Letting the plan do the heavy lifting protects both your authority and your relationship with the class.
I appreciate this post. Thank you.
It did make me think of instances when I might open up to colleagues. Not an emotional outpour, just perhaps being more authentic and honest with those who I work with.
What is your take on being honest about how I am doing with colleagues at school. For instance, if a colleague asks how I am doing and instead of responding “well,” I respond “hanging in there”. I do not necessarily have to follow up on this but I am wondering if it might be helpful to be honest in these situations.
I am thinking more about seeking sources of support to learn, grow, and process both within the school community and outside it (like your blog).
Hi Ben,
I think it can be helpful to have a trusted colleague you can chat with, socialize, bounce ideas off of.
You mean it communicates you have no self control. Galatians 5:22. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirot is self control. Thank you, this is helpful.