The idea that being too nice is the reason you’re struggling with classroom management is a misunderstanding of why students misbehave.
This is a common belief and why you often hear the following advice:
- “Don’t smile the first two months of the school year.”
- “Mean teachers have better behavior.”
- “If you’re kind, they’ll walk all over you.”
- “Good classroom management requires sternness.”
- “Never have too much fun with your class.”
The truth is, being nice makes classroom management easier, not harder. Here’s why:
It makes you more likable.
When students like you, they naturally want to listen and behave for you. This is called the Law of Reciprocity.
It’s extremely powerful and the reason that when someone buys you lunch or does something nice for you, you have an irresistible urge to return their kindness.
It deepens accountability.
When you refuse to create friction and resentment with students, they won’t fault you for their misbehavior. They’ll point the finger at themselves, where it belongs.
This is the definition of accountability. Without you to be angry with, they’re left with only themselves to blame. This is what actually changes behavior.
It gives you leverage.
Your consistent kindness makes your rules matter to students. It offers stark contrast between being a valued member of the class and suffering a consequence.
This is leverage. That is, when your students like you and their reputation with you more than sitting in time-out.
It removes tension.
Students today are more anxious than every before. Add a grumpy, temperamental teacher to the mix and they’re bouncing off the walls.
Classroom tension causes excitability, restlessness, and ultimately more misbehavior. A calm, kind, steady presence sweeps it out of the classroom.
It eliminates revenge.
Much of student misbehavior is revenge on a stern teacher they don’t like. If ever you feel you’re on one side and your students are on the other, then you will struggle with behavior.
Revenge in the classroom presents as disrespect, misbehaving behind your back, and trying to rile up the class to get under your skin.
The Big Caveat
The big caveat is that niceness only works when you have an effective classroom management plan that you follow as written. In fact, it’s the very thing that frees you to be the nice teacher you always wanted to be.
If you’re inconsistent, however, if you’re a pushover or afraid to hold students accountable, then it won’t matter whether you’re Miss Trunchbull or Miss Honey.
Your students will trample you either way.
PS – This week’s video is The #1 Reason Students Ignore You. Be sure to subscribe to the channel.
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