The idea that being too nice is the reason you’re struggling with classroom management is a misunderstanding of why students misbehave.
This is a common belief and why you often hear the following advice:
- “Don’t smile the first two months of the school year.”
- “Mean teachers have better behavior.”
- “If you’re kind, they’ll walk all over you.”
- “Good classroom management requires sternness.”
- “Never have too much fun with your class.”
The truth is, being nice makes classroom management easier, not harder. Here’s why:
It makes you more likable.
When students like you, they naturally want to listen and behave for you. This is called the Law of Reciprocity.
It’s extremely powerful and the reason that when someone buys you lunch or does something nice for you, you have an irresistible urge to return their kindness.
It deepens accountability.
When you refuse to create friction and resentment with students, they won’t fault you for their misbehavior. They’ll point the finger at themselves, where it belongs.
This is the definition of accountability. Without you to be angry with, they’re left with only themselves to blame. This is what actually changes behavior.
It gives you leverage.
Your consistent kindness makes your rules matter to students. It offers stark contrast between being a valued member of the class and suffering a consequence.
This is leverage. That is, when your students like you and their reputation with you more than sitting in time-out.
It removes tension.
Students today are more anxious than every before. Add a grumpy, temperamental teacher to the mix and they’re bouncing off the walls.
Classroom tension causes excitability, restlessness, and ultimately more misbehavior. A calm, kind, steady presence sweeps it out of the classroom.
It eliminates revenge.
Much of student misbehavior is revenge on a stern teacher they don’t like. If ever you feel you’re on one side and your students are on the other, then you will struggle with behavior.
Revenge in the classroom presents as disrespect, misbehaving behind your back, and trying to rile up the class to get under your skin.
The Big Caveat
The big caveat is that niceness only works when you have an effective classroom management plan that you follow as written. In fact, it’s the very thing that frees you to be the nice teacher you always wanted to be.
If you’re inconsistent, however, if you’re a pushover or afraid to hold students accountable, then it won’t matter whether you’re Miss Trunchbull or Miss Honey.
Your students will trample you either way.
PS – This week’s video is The #1 Reason Students Ignore You. Be sure to subscribe to the channel.
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I am a classroom teacher, particularly senior secondary one. Often times, the school management blames the students’ disruptive behavior on me, saying I’m too nice and quiet to my students. The above write-up makes me feel better. I really needs help on how to deal with a noisy class. especially when the students are not having a class activity. Thanks
In addition to my other comment, one of the reasons senior secondary students could disrupt because they are at an age and (misplaced) maturity to rebel against grown ups. They are likely too fed up having being told all their kid life having been told what to do, so now they want to experience/develop-skills to assert themselves. Unfortunately I am not providing a solution but just analyzing the problem. Any feedback would be appreciated.
It’s not being “too nice”— it’s being to “wish washy.” Inconsistent. Unclear.
I struggle with this at times when good students push the envelope, not in a terrible way but say walk to my desk rather than raise a hand and wait for me. I need to work on how to be respectfully consistent with all students. If that makes any sense.
One way I handle this is to walk the student back to their desk and raise my hand as a gentle reminder.
I have a question. This write up mentions, “ The big caveat is that niceness only works when you have an effective classroom management plan that you follow as written.” I would like to know where is the “…effective classroom management plan…”. Any feedback will be appreciated.
My very first class was to teach a first year university equivalent students The class was quiet for the first five minutes, then it became unmanageable after one student threw a piece of chalk on the blackboard with my back to the class. I was too focused on delivering my freshly prepared teaching material to the class, and did not expect this behaviour on the first day. I the news went to management who spoke with the students without informing me. One of the students said that my knowledge of the subject matter was excellent. That’s what the head of the department said to me, and it saved my job. Later, I analyzed the situation and believed the students were not paying attention for one or a combination of the following reasons:
* They did not like most of the other teachers in the college, and assumed I was one of them.
* They came to college to mainly socialize and not as such to study.
* They were sent to college on being pressured by their parents.
The situation got resolved with the misbehaving students gradually not showing up to class, (though very few of them came after a few days). I was fortunate that attendance was not compulsory so I could focus on the students who were interested in learning, though unfortunate that the misbehaving students did not get to study under me. Eventually many students privately came up to me with positive feedback.
Roger, you must be new to Smart Classroom Management. Go to the home page and start clicking on the links. You will find it, as well as a lot of no-nonsense tips EVERYWHERE on his site Michael Linsin’s strategy has not changed since he started the site over 10 years ago. His plan is simple and clear (but I warn you, not easy). I am a Principal and I have recommended it to all my teachers for years.
His plan may not be so easy, but it’s easier than not knowing what to do with a misbehaving class.
Good ideas here. This is NOT an easy path for a teacher to take, but with following the SCM plan and sticking to it…YOU, yes YOU can do this. This is my 5th or 6th year in using SCM as my management go to and all around plan and it has changed my teaching forever. Being nice does not mean being a pushover or not having a tight management plan. Be consistent, enforce the rules, hold the kids accountable.