There is one thing nearly every teacher does that skyrockets stress.
You’re probably doing it too.
Because it comes naturally. It makes sense. It feels right. Plus, you see every other teacher doing it.
So what is it?
It’s trying to convince students to behave. The way this looks varies from teacher to teacher but generally it consists of . . .
- Pep-talks
- Cajolery
- Exhortation
- False Praise
- Flattery
- Enticement
- Goading
- Urging
- Coaxing
- Comforting
- Counseling
In other words, the burden is on you to find the right mix of words, tone, and body language to “get” students to behave. Not only is this approach remarkably stressful, but it doesn’t work.
Because it makes you look weak. It signals that you’re afraid of holding them accountable via your classroom management plan.
And once students peg you as just another pleading, wishy-washy teacher, they’ll misbehave right in front of you. They’ll talk while you’re talking. They’ll goof around, ignore your directions, and leave their seats without permission.
It’s human nature. When there is a void in strong leadership, the mice will play. The good news is that it’s a quick and easy fix.
Just stop.
Stop trying to convince your students of anything. Stop pulling them aside. Stop worrying over having the right things to say.
Instead, teach, model, and practice in detail what you expect of them. Focus your energy on creating a classroom they want to be part of. Combine it with consistent accountability.
This is the secret to a well-behaved class that works for every teacher and in every grade level.
Your stress bottoms out because you have certainty and clarity. There is no anxiety over what to say. There is no need to push the right buttons. There is no hoping things will work out.
There is only doing, action, and follow-through.
PS – This week’s video is Stop Rewarding Good Behavior (It’s Making Things Worse). Be sure to subscribe to the channel.
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As always, thanks for the reminder, Michael. As a TOC, I was finding it challenging until I tried your CRm rules concept. Now, with each class, I ask what their rules are –> and they all know them! But some classes, like the Gr2/3 class I was in yesterday, forget within seconds of leaving the circle or getting started on an activity. The morning went well with the warning, Reflection time (15 min) etc. I had students in their Reflection spots, yes, several at a time! After a long sharing time after lunch (their reg. routine), with several movement breaks, it all seemed to fall apart. The chatting began, and it felt like the popcorn had exploded! We skipped centres, and a math lesson, had lots of my Laughter Yoga clapping, which does help, then it was home time! The other Gr 2 teacher commented that this class was challenging, especially in the afternoon. I tried my best to be calm, but not calm enough, I guess. I love these opportunities to practice my patience, calm and smiling face, and these days most classes I go to need your suggestions. in gratitude, ann Surrey, BC
This is really true and and good mindset. As the school year winds down, my energy is a bit less and you start to let things slip a bit…..DON’T let yourself down and your students….stay the course and follow your plan. Review your plan with the students. WE just got back from Spring Break, so I made the first day back like the first day of school. I passed out the sheet of paper with the rules on it, went over it for about 5 min, explained why I was doing it, and promised the the students I would follow the plan through the last day of school. No Slack, no compromises, no urging the students to behave. I teach middle school, so I also upped my teacher presence a bit more….I’m standing outside the door as the students line up….yup..I make the students line up before they come in, we do this all year…make sure I say hello to everyone and give them the first direction of the class as they walk in. So far so good….
Teacher Guy
What do I do when an IEP specifies that a student should have a token system? When other students ask about it. I let them know that different students have different needs; however, it’s pretty irritating.
I teach many students who have behavioural issues or have a diagnosis or designation, so they require some level of support. Some students I believe just simply lack discipline and respect for adults. How can I get them to remain seated when they want to wander around or leave the room without permission? I don’t want to make deals, bribe, bargain with them, or have numerous talks with them – it doesn’t seem to be very effective. Suggestions?
This is what I’m dealing with right now. I am an instructor in a long term intervention program. I have high school and middle school kids who basically have been kicked out of their regular school setting. 90% of them are no issues. But those middle schoolers are always the struggle. One of my students gets seen by EC providers (behavior issues). The Principal at the middle school coddles this student and basically has allowed him his own set of rules, completely undermining the structure of my classroom. I’m exhausted and at my wits end, just trying to make it to summer break. Next year he goes to high school, and I think that reality will hit him hard.
This article makes a strong and somewhat provocative point: that constantly trying to “talk students into” good behavior actually increases teacher stress and weakens authority. Its core message, that clear expectations, consistent routines, and follow-through are more effective than persuasion, is practical and grounded in real classroom experience.
That said, the argument feels a bit one-sided. While over-explaining or pleading can indeed undermine authority, completely dismissing encouragement, relationship-building, or emotional support risks oversimplifying classroom dynamics. Many students, especially younger ones or those with additional needs, do respond positively to guidance and connection alongside structure.
Overall, the article is a useful reminder for teachers to rely less on reactive talking and more on proactive systems, but it would be stronger if it acknowledged the importance of balancing firmness with empathy.
You can have empathy and explain things to students, but you must follow through with your class rules….as soon as you let someone “slip”, the entire class sees it and now more people will try to “slip”. I’ve paused class and had everyone line up outside and restarted class once or twice to make the point that WE all will follow the class rules. I do have EL kids, IEP kids, but if they are in a mainstream class, my expectation is that they follow the rules just like everyone else…with several exceptions-I will follow the IEP’s with the students as they have an aide and they might need to go outside for a bit to regroup, but you can’t make excuses that the admin’s don’t support you, the parents don’t support you, the principal doesn’t support you: It doesn’t matter-you need to rely on yourself and the management system you put in place…guess what: If it’s not working then change it!!! Be a leader,,,,,for yourself, your team and the students.
Yes— it is great advice! As a sub, I see that the students, unfortunately, have grown accustomed to and expect—since grade school—the coddling, cajolery, and comforting in the classroom and from many (most?) administrators. Fortunately, the use of cell phones in the classroom is now largely being forbidden. The next step is to strictly not allow video games (and watching sports, etc.) in the classroom on their chrome books. When students who are playing or who want to play video games tell me that “the teacher lets us play video games if we have completed our assignment”, I tell them they have to sign a sheet that says they have completed their assignment. That encourages those students to continue working on their assignments.