The more polite students are, the fewer class rules are broken.
Therefore, if we improve politeness, then we can save a lot of time and trouble holding students accountable. The problem, however, is that teaching politeness doesn’t work.
Not in this day and age.
The reason is because for students being polite feels lame and old-fashioned. Sad but true. The culture they’re used to is generally rude and dismissive, which they associate with being cool.
As any teacher who has tried can attest, attacking the problem directly via lessons, stories, and examples inevitably results in frustration. Luckily, there is another way.
It’s a method that works on a subconscious level to cause students to become more polite without you ever mentioning it. It also doesn’t require you to waste any valuable class time.
So what is it?
It’s to be polite yourself. Boldly, consistently, and unapologetically. For clarity, and to better transfer the habit to your students, it’s best to focus on three core areas.
- Please and thank you.
- Hello and goodbye.
- Excuse me and after you.
You can then lightly encourage it in your students in the same way you probably learned from your parents.
- “What do you say?”
- “How should you ask?”
- “What should you do?”
If you stick to these two strategies, the culture of your classroom will begin to look and sound very different in just a couple of weeks.
It’s important to mention that you shouldn’t hold students accountable if they don’t say please, goodbye, or excuse me, for example. Forgetting common courtesies doesn’t constitute breaking SCM class rules.
Furthermore, you shouldn’t praise or reward polite behavior.
For it to become part of the culture of your classroom, as well as who your students are as people, it must be something they recognize as having value in and of itself.
And they will. Because politeness feels good, both giving and receiving. Your only job is to introduce it into the environment and nurture its growth.
PS – This week’s video is The Secret Known Only to 1% of Teachers. (This is a cheat code to effective classroom management.)
Also, if you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
Great reminders!
Spot on.I tell my students that because of my age I have a hearing problem. I can’t tell if students are saying ya (bad tone) or yes sir Mr. G. I never tell them how to address me. Does it work? Last week I was assisting in a class I subbed a month previously, every student said yes sir.
Thank you! That is a really good article that I am really looking forward to putting in to practice. Also, I love your new style of pictures!
Thanks Rowan! And thanks for noticing the new style.
I follow all of your plans and they work so well. I’ve pretty much been doing these things on my own since I started teaching in 1995. A lot of other teachers think I’m “Too mean, too strict, etc.” But I’ll tell you what, my classes are engaged, calm and on task. I have multiple students tell me every week that my class is one of their favorite not b/c of the topic but the atmosphere. I love your articles are real world practical advice. It works and kids thrive.
Great to hear, Kathleen. No surprise they feel that way.
It’s natural for me to say please and thank you to my students becuase that is how I was raised. When I hand out morning work, 90% of the kids thank me. I frequently comment on their politeness when I give them work to do! I think that modeling some common courtesies goes a long way, not only toward politeness but kindness and sometimes respect. (Of course, I do have some kids poiltely tell another to “Please, shut up!” so respect is still a constant goal.)
LOL! We have a tradition of no S words in our classroom. That right, we do not allow the words stupid or shut up to be spoken in our class.
Thank you Michael for this article.
I’m an older male. I sub grades 1-8 in a suburban district. Admin is universally outstanding . Therefore, my thoughts may be invalid for tougher working environments.
Respect model vs. politefullness model:
I reject “respect” (or respectfullness) as a usefull concept for management. It’s counterproductive. It’s potentially triggering and escalatory. Personally–and I assume others are same–perceived “disrespect” tends to trigger my anger. For example, street violence and road rage are often due to an escalating negative cycle of perceived “disrespect.”
So I seldom say the words “respect” or “disrespect” and try hard not to think in those terms.
Instead, like water dripping on a stone (I hardly ever give up, lol), I use the word “polite” a LOT.
For example, calling the roll when I take attendance in MS gives me the opportunity to say “Thank you” about 125 times per day.
Me: “I’m taking attendance. Please turn your voices off. Please answer in a polite voice.” Me: “Joe.” Student: “Here.” Me: “Thank you Joe.” Me: “Jane.” Student: “Present.” Me: “Thank you Jane.” Me: “Jeff.” Student: “HERE!” Me: “Please answer in a polite voice.” Same student corrects themself: “Here.” Me: “Thank you Jeff.”
(Or, if Jeff answers impolitely again, I won’t fight this battle, and will say, “I know you can do better,” and I’ll move on…..having hopefully nevertheless reinforced my dedication to a politeness model) .
Another example: MS student rolls their eyes. I pause for effect. Then say, “Please try harder to be polite.” [end of “convo”; turn away; move on.] This is a three-for one: It upholds authority, sets a polite example, and maintains my morale by allowing me to get in the last word, lol.
Thinking about Japan: They have rituals of politeness…regardless of what they’re thinking or feeling inside. Sometimes they’re seething inside. But the outward ritual remains.
I can’t control inner minds or feelings. But I can try to consistently frame and steer our outward interactions towards a “politeness model” and a culture of politeness.
“Furthermore, you shouldn’t praise or reward polite behavior.”
THIS is so important. I actually picked up this idea from a parenting book (Hunt, Gather, Parent) and it became a fun challenge for me this year to stop constantly saying “thank you” every time a kid was mildly polite. Instead, I focus on modeling the same behavior myself, and treating students with warmth and a consistent attitude in general. It sends the message that this behavior is a very basic expectation rather than some exceptional occurrence that deserves special praise.
When possible, I respond to students by saying, ” Thank you for saying thank you!”. It elevates the conscious of being polite. I’m sure you could broaden teacher responses to support other demonstrations of being polite.