How To Reach The Heart Of Difficult Students And Change Behavior

smart classroom management: how to reach the heart of difficult students and change behavior

Your classroom management plan is set in stone. There is no going back. There is no negotiation, no capitulation, no surrender.

It is. And will remain.

Your follow through is a promise that comforts, protects, and holds accountable those who interfere with the right of every student to learn and enjoy being in your class.

Your trust and leadership hangs on your word and action as the defender and enforcer of your plan. You fulfill your duty like a palace guard. You call ’em like you see ’em, an ever-watchful referee.

It’s a commitment to what is best for your students.

But to be most effective, it must combine with your refusal to lecture, scold, glare, question, admonish, or entertain any response to misbehavior other than following your plan to a tee.

For to do so creates friction. It creates resentment. It makes managing your classroom personal, emotional, and a battle of wills between you and your students. Ultimately, it results in more misbehavior, not less.

It is follow-through without friction that causes students to reflect on their mistakes, take responsibility for them, and resolve not to make them again. This alone will solve nearly all of the behavior issues plaguing your classroom.

It is the seed and soil from which polite behavior and academic progress grow.

Yet, for difficult students, for those with the reputation and proclivity to disrupt hour after hour for years on end, there is another ingredient you must add to the mix. Miracle Grow for your stubborn gardenias.

It takes some discipline and an oath to see only the best in your students—despite the most egregious disrespect and desire to get under your skin—but if you can do this one thing consistently, you can transform your most challenging students.

What is it?

It’s to make sure that every day is a new day and that every moment is a new moment for them to change and turn over a new leaf. Refraining from creating friction will get you halfway there.

The other half is your smile. It’s your fist bump and general kindness. It’s letting them know that you still, despite it all, believe in them and will never give up on them. Even after weeks of daily misbehavior.

It’s something very few teachers do.

Now, it’s important to mention that there are scores of teachers who let them off the hook. This isn’t what I’m talking about. Failing to hold them accountable only hurts them and reinforces the image they have of themselves as different.

It tells them that they aren’t good enough and can’t behave like the rest of the class.

You must follow through with your plan and accept them with open arms. No, you’re not going to give them more attention. You’re not going to give them false or over-the-top praise or do-this-and-get-that rewards. You’re not going to treat them any differently.

You’re just going to make sure that every day is a new day by saying hello and letting them know you’re glad to see them.

That’s it. That’s what reaches the heart and begins churning the intrinsic motivational engines that power the desire to do better and be better. It seems so simple, and it is. But for them it’s a radical difference from the sea toss of rewards and lectures they’re used to.

You must be relentless in your daily forgiveness, acceptance, and accountability while letting them in on the same jokes and banter as you do everyone else.

Treat them with kindness and gentleness. Show them through your actions and choice to see the best in them what a real leader and role model looks and behaves like.

Once they’ve fulfilled your consequences for misbehavior, time and again, all must be forgotten. The past let go like the love that got away.

Your sun must continues to rise, feed the soul, touch the heart.

PS – There is a lot to this topic. To learn more, please check out the Difficult Students category of the archive.

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21 thoughts on “How To Reach The Heart Of Difficult Students And Change Behavior”

  1. My school will not allow me to use your point system for behavior to affect grades. Also I do not get fast enough follow through from administration to make their role in the discipline cycle effective. Any suggestions?

    Reply
    • Agreed, Doug. At my school, the administrators responsible for consequences are drowning in referrals. Sometimes lunch detention is available and other times it is not (but we are never informed when). After school detentions seem to punish the vice principal who must stay late but have little effect on students. Some students skip their assigned detentions and parents ignore calls home about this. All of this has caused my best intentions to be consistent with consequences to fly out the window. “Every day is a fresh start” is a guiding philosophy in my classroom. Yet, the fresh start is taking place without the bad actors from the previous day having owned their actions, made amends or faced consequences in any way. Help!!!

      Reply
    • I am curious what you consider the purpose of grades to be. In my educational setting, our students’ grades are meant to reflect their learning in regards to the specific standards we are expecting them to meet.

      Unless you are teaching to behavior-based standards, I think it would be hard to justify altering the grade that a student earned by demonstrating that they can meet the learning standards because you disapproved of their behavior.

      Reply
    • Use parental contacts, like five times before going to admin. Document everything. When you do go to admin, be sure you have exhausted other interventions. What is the age range of the students and behaviors that are most problematic?

      Reply
  2. Thank you for a simple and elegant insight. This strategy not only works to create effective classroom management, but it is our fiduciary responsibility as teaching professionals to make sure it is followed, by us and any adult in our classroom.

    The worst possible conversation with a student might begin, “When you were my teacher, you did not believe in me and you were right…”

    The second worst possible conversation with a student might begin “When you were my teacher, you did not believe in me and you were wrong…”

    When our behavior intentionally or not, does not communicate full belief in students to do well and follow their dreams, it communicates just the opposite.

    Reply
  3. It works for normal behavioral issues. This doesn’t work if the admin does not support your method of CM. Once the students realize there are no repercussions for breaking class expectations and that you are a paper tiger, then what? It also doesn’t work for students not motivated by grades, daily behavior points or who have no parental support or follow through at home. And there are quite a few of those.

    Reply
    • In my experience, administrative support is not limited to enforcing student code of conduct and district policy, which, I agree, are necessary. Real administrative support is demonstrating more effective classroom management. If you have no support at all, you still have your personal power and commitment to consistent consequences and respect. Stick with it and enjoy the fruits of your unwavering insistence on following your rules. The consequences do not have to be draconian, just consistent. And do not underestimate the power of students’ being a member in good standing in your classroom community.

      Reply
  4. Michael would you mind expanding a bit on issuing consequences. Specifically I’m referring to language used in the moment (ie: do you restate the rule and then tell them “that’s a warning” or whatever the consequence is plus also do you do it quietly and privately (either standing beside them or in the hall) or just stare it in front of the class? Thanks in advance and for all that you do!

    Reply
  5. Thanks for this reminder to look for the good in students, to remain positive and constructive in thought, words, and actions with each student, Michael. There are days when some students are coming in with problems from home or peers. I am learning to remain upbeat no matter what the student feelings and actions may be. This leaves me with a better disposition at the end of the day and is so good for the soul, and my overall well-being.

    Reply
  6. Yes, I agree with you, and thank you for this insight. I am one that believes, “There is some good in the worst student. It is your responsibility to help the student to develop to his/her fullest potential in all areas possible. Set goals with the students and work for a good end.

    Reply
  7. I agree with the writer. He clearly knows intrinsic nature of the students but application is mostly needed.

    Reply
  8. What is the recommended course of action when a student is defiant when issuing consequences? I have a few students that I come in contact with weekly that flat refuse to do any type of consequence. I plan to really model and explain my plan in more depth this Fall, however I just wonder what to do when they refuse to do the time out. Thank you!

    Reply
  9. I implemented a consequence for one of the schools most difficult students. A note home to parents/parent/guardian. They signed the note, but I found out from the classroom teacher that they posted about it on FB that the parent had “much more difficult issues to deal with at home than misbehavior in music class.” So the note home made zero impact. Consequences don’t seem to apply to this student at this school. I was thinking of keeping him in during recess to complete an assignment. There are many cases like this at this school. Help! Also, I don’t advocate for being friends with parents on FB and was not very happy that the classroom teacher told me about it. It sort of took the wind out of my sails.

    Reply

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