A student comes to you and begs for a second chance. They swear that from now on things will be different.
They just need you to fix this one little grade, ignore their latest wee misbehavior, let them redo the test, essay, or project.
Just this once.
And in that moment, as they plead and promise and lay on the charm, you want so badly to give in. It feels right. It makes sense. Everyone deserves another chance, right? And the student will love you for it.
But you must not. Never, ever, ever.
Here’s why:
You’ll lose respect.
If you cave to even one student, you better allow the same lower standard for everyone else or it will come back to bite you.
Unequal application of rules and policies equals resentment, lack of trust, and the knowledge that you are an easy mark for manipulation. Plus, they won’t really love you for it.
You can be as kind and likable as a Golden Retriever, but if you let anyone off the hook through “the goodness of your heart,” your class will lose respect for you.
You’ll grow weaker.
It’s easier to draw a line for yourself and stick to it than it is to try to give in here and there on a case-by-case basis.
Knuckle under just once and chinks in your armor will begin to show, the steel growing soft and malleable. Saying no gets harder and harder.
Before long, you’re just another stressed-out pushover. Needy students pulling on your hem. Special requests coming out of the woodwork. Learning taking a backseat.
You’ll dilute your words.
With a reputation for lowering the bar, your words will lack punch. They’ll be devoid of urgency, meaning, and the power to get students moving, working, and listening.
You’ll be left to repeat yourself, raise your voice, count down from five, threaten, coerce, lecture, glare, and try to prove your toughness like every other struggling teacher. A tiger with the heart of a mouse.
Continue in this vein and not much of what you say will matter. Your rules, grading standards, and the like will be met with a yawn and a sardonic “whatever.”
The Solution
Say no before the student even finishes their sentence.
Yes, they’ll be disappointed. Some may even feign anger. But every time you say no is a lesson that will make them stronger. Remember, our goal as effective teachers is not just to get through the day.
It’s to impact students for a lifetime.
Further, sticking to your guns, doing what you say, and abiding by set-in-stone standards make teaching so much easier by removing a sea of predicaments and stressors.
It also engenders trust, respect, and likability. It supports social, emotional, and academic growth and maturity.
It draws more and more students into the deeply satisfying orbit of excellence, competence, responsibility, personal accountability, and true confidence.
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I love your articles. I switched from teaching high school to teaching 8th grade and, boy, what a difference! I have been reading your articles for quite some time now, but they are really starting to be extremely relevant to my situation. I have shared your articles with another teacher, and even the principal. Thank you.
I agree that these articles are worth sharing. I have benefitted tremendously from them. Thanks.
When I was in grade school, during an incident where I was charged with doing something I may or may not have caused to another student, I begged the principal in his office not to paddle me–it worked and, I believe, it fostered a rebellious attitude in me towards authority.
How do you handle a parent who begs for their child’s second chance?
I am.preparing a staff training about Discipline Management in high school. I must say that, this article is very useful to ponder through. All the points are very true.
However, where do you place the element of discernment?? Would never never to students when dealing with deviant behaviours the only route to take??
Thank another timely SCM article. This adds another piece to classroom management!
Thanks to this article. I thought giving in to their request would make me a better teacher in their eyes.
I am a big fan of SCM but this time I have to comment. I had two girls who failed a test. They didn’t beg me. I approached them privately. I asked them what percentage of their focus and effort would they say they were putting into class. Their estimate matched their grade. I pointed this out. I said they weren’t doing anything terrible. They were only talking a little, spacing out a little, etc. I told them every day for the next unit that they have me 85-90% focus and effort, I would give them one point on the last test. They could raise their score to 70. I bet them they would get 85-90 on the next test just by being with me. They did. I did. And they became great students. Bottom line: you have to know your customers. Wouldn’t work with everyone. In fact, I haven’t done this since. But …
But the kids didn’t get you to give them another chance, you approached them, totally different. I allow students to correct tests for 1/2 credit back, a learn from your mistake kind of thing. But when they beg to hand in assignments late, we need to be firm, they know the procedure ls and rules concerning work and due dates.
Thanks for your reply. I understand what you are saying.
I used to allow kids to correct tests for credit. I found that too many became less motivated to do it right the first time. But if it works for you, that’s great.
I am actually pro Re-do’s and second chances as a learning philosophy for my higher grades. BUT !… If you are going to allow redo’s as part of your teaching, you need to have it all spelled out at the beginning of the term. I have laid out for students and parent/guardians the prerequisites for a redo on the syllabus. There is a form and a check list. Parent/ guardians must acknowledge the first low mark, students must list a plan on how they will approach the redo (different study system or a different approach to the project etc.), dates/times that work with My Schedule agreed upon and a framework for grading redo’s. It is fair for all students, I am not caught off guard and it is part of my teaching philosophy.
During my decade of teaching at a boys’ secondary school, I don’t ever recall being in this situation. Perhaps they knew not to ask. I remember telling students at the start of the year that they could sit with whomever they wanted, the seating plan was their responsibility. However, if their choice negatively impacted their behavior or work, the decision as to where they sat became mine for the remainder of the year. There were usually only 3 or 4 students in the junior classes where this had to be enforced and I never backed down on that. That was an integral part of my reputation for being ‘straight up’.
What if the school policy is to give the students a second and even a third chance. How do you change that horrible policy?
I had a high school student who technically failed my class. He didn’t fully participate, skipped classes, missed assignments. When it came to final grade, I was told by the v-p to pass the student because it was a lot of paperwork for him and it was easier to just give the student a 50%. As newer teacher, I didn’t have a contract and felt any future teaching prospects at the school would be impacted by this.
This year, I have a student that begs for me to cancel consequences (“just this once”, “I’ll never do it again”, “pretty please”). Her next tactic is to ask if she can do some good deeds to “work off” the consequence. My gentle response is always “no, no, and no”. I have been following Smart Classroom Management for ten years and am very consistent. Thank you, Michael Linsin!
Thank you for this. Your article validated my philosophy.
As a veteran teacher (27 years), I have witnessed an increasing decline in responsibility, accountability and general work ethic in students. Our school encourages retakes, and as a result, students have realized it is not necessary to study. There is no sense of urgency and most certainly no sacrifice made to ensure high performance.
I teach eighth graders, and I generally have about forty-five percent of my students fail my class the first nine weeks each year because they do not believe my expectations are real. I offer retake opportunities on assessments but only after they complete additional practice lessons they have completed. In general, the students with the lowest scores do not take advantage of the opportunity, and I even had a gifted student who failed my class respond when I explained in a parent conference that she did not take me up on offers to improve her grade, “You make us do extra work. Nobody’s gonna do that!”
The first quarter I take the higher of the two scores, but in the second quarter I average the two grades. In the second nine weeks, the failures drop to about ten percent as they begin to rise to my expectations.
By the second semester I no longer allow retakes; however, I give multiple standards-based extra credit opportunities with hard due dates throughout the quarter. This teaches students to “bank” points to cushion their grade —- much like having a savings account or an insurance policy. Many only want to complete extra assignments when they see their grade is low just before report cards. I explain to them that that plan of action is like waiting until you have an illness to purchase health insurance—-then it is too late!
They don’t like me much in the beginning, and that is disappointing —-teachers want to be “liked” the same as everyone else —- but in the end, my mission is to prepare my students for life, and that requires some sacrifices along the way.
In the end, they are prepared for high school; they learn to plan ahead; they learn that choices have real consequences; and they thank me for leading them to success.
Bravo!
This can be a difficult decision to make and sometimes avoided with such plans as to where there is almost no possibility of failure of desired goals. Using a point
system using attendance, class participation, note taking, group assignments and participation (pare high scorers with lower scorers), extra assignments and using daily, weekly conferences or reminders of the point system and where each student is as to the value of points out of the total number of points needed to reach their goals for the desired score and grade. Require students to keep their own scores. Each student decides how many points they must make, At the onset of a possibility they will not score enough points, plan an intervention to alter the approaching failure. Never! Ever! make an alteration on scores or grades at a last minute because of a beg of a student if all possible. I am saying set goals and build in points to onset success.