The pandemic has wreaked havoc on our students.
Stuck at home for months. A year or more of lost learning. Socially stunted. Screen addicted. Anxious. Fearful. Depressed.
Pacing like a bear in a zoo.
Then poked, masked, separated, and dipped in sanitizer. Told their very lives are at risk from an unseen enemy.
And now?
Dreams dashed. Future on layaway. Hope hanging by a thread. Angry. Frustrated. Aggressive. Acting out.
But instead of giving them what they so desperately need, we’re kicking them while they’re down. We’re adding insult to their injury. We’re attempting, so it seems, to lose an entire generation.
And how’s that?
By coddling them.
Out of fear of hurting them even more, we in education have taken the foot completely off the gas. Behavior boundaries have been expanded or removed entirely. Despicable language and disrespect have been tolerated.
Academic standards have reached terra firma.
What I’m seeing and hearing from my coterie of informants is staggering. Lighter, weaker, easier, gentler, and softer we go. But, you may say . . .
“They’ve been through so much.”
“They’re still hurting.”
“They need more time to heal.”
Nonsense. It must end now. We’ve traveled so far down the placation highway that we may not be able to get back.
Make no mistake, our sense of do-goodery is going to crush our students unless we take a stand for them today. Enough is enough.
A few hearty teachers are already doing it. They realize that to save this generation they must shovel heaping spades of responsibility back on their shoulders. They must raise standards to heights unknown.
They must ask for, expect, and demand exemplary behavior from all students. They must set their boundaries in cement and teach like they’re blazing right back up that highway on a Ducati 1199.
This heroic few make zero excuses for themselves or their students and zero apologies for their refusal to give in to the soft mob cowering in fear, bubble-wrapped in protection, and calling for more and more straitjacketed guidelines.
Safety is important until it does more harm than it helps. Too much, too long, or too restrictive, beyond the common risks of living life, destroy purpose, inspiration, and motivation.
The very things our students have lost and need so badly right now.
For 99.99% of them, the pandemic is low risk. We know this now (and have known it). The overlords are admitting it out loud—CDC, NIH, WHO. So why are we treating them like a Pink Floyd video?
Take care of yourself, yes. Mitigate your own risk. But we took this job selflessly and all that came with it. No one expected this when we signed up, but neither did nurses and paramedics. Neither did restaurant owners, grocery store clerks, police officers.
We must step up before it’s too late.
I know it’s tough right now. Teaching is hard. But there is at the same time a remarkable opportunity. You see, when you become determined to give your students the responsibility, accountability, and purpose they need, you too are given the gift of purpose.
You’re given a life mission. You’re given drive and a chance to make a more profound mark on the world than if we’d never heard of Covid-19.
And in so doing, in putting your students’ needs before your own, your own stress and fear and thoughts of an unknown future will melt away.
Their behavior improves. They sit up straighter in their seats. Happiness and laughter return to your classroom. And seeing them overcome and then thrive will become a balm for your mind, heart, and soul.
PS – If you’re struggling right now, I want to help. Last week I posted a video explaining my commitment to answering any and all of your questions. Leave a comment below the video and I will get to your question in the coming weeks.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
Thank you for stating the obvious! I am not their parent or maid or waitress or counselor. I am compassionate, but they still need direction and role modeling on how to be a respectful adult. Their parents can do the coddling.
Amen!!!
Thank you for these word of wisdom.
Nice idea, but… it turns out that my admin, anyway, doesn’t want us to impose reasonable demands and requirements. They want us to coddle. I decided not to coddle–I didn’t coddle my own children, and I didn’t coddle previous classes. But because I didn’t coddle this year’s class, I’m likely at risk for nonrenewal of contract. So while I agree with everything, I would say “teacher beware.”
They will be hard-pressed to find someone to replace you. Your spot may be more solid than you realize or even more solid than they want it to be. Teachers are leaving in droves.
It sounds like you are many maintaining high, but not unreasonable expectations for student behavior and academic performance. Why would your administration consider non-renewal of your contract? I would think that if and when your principal observes your classroom, the takeaway would be that an excellent teacher is achieving good results with these students.
I’m really struggling with your message here. It has the feel of “when I was your age…school…uphill both ways” sort of faux nostalgia intended, frankly, to make people feel bad about finding things challenging. I knbow that is not your intent, but for someone of my generation (born in ’55) your message had all the hallmarks of so many things we struggled for years to get past and change—things like “tough love” and corporal punishment and shaming students into submission and conforming. You have to let the pendulumn swing of its own, and not try to force it. Yes, there is a part inside me that says that what you advocate makes sense, but then it remembers all it has seen the last six decades and all sorts of wartning bells starting ringing.
Here, here!
Thank you for articulating this view.
Anyone who claims to know THE right approach needs to be taken with a large grain of salt.
If you’ve been following SCM you know that the system is all about respecting the students while holding them accountable for their actions. SCM never once promoted any shaming or horrid punishments. Not coddling students doesn’t mean acting horrible towards students, rather it means not letting them get away with behaviors unacceptable for any human being.
Well said, Rachel.
Well said!
Exactly!!! Thank you, Rachel
I think Michael’s point is that we keep our standards of rigor and achievement the same as always. Lowering expectations lowers students’ sense of achievement and accountability. For example, while on eLearning, I have students who do absolutely nothing at home. Do I let them get away with that, or require them to work on it at recess? Maybe it’s a generational gap, (I’m and 80s baby) but this article did not translate to tough love for me. Just maintaining standards in a strong, respectful environment. He’s not saying that we can’t be compassionate when we know a family is dealing with a household of Covid cases, just that we can’t allow kids to express their fear and anxiety as mouthiness and apathy in the classroom. There is always struggle in the world, and teaching them to persevere through it will make all of us better for it. Thank you for what you’ve done to get us through the “tough love” mentality. I appreciate the compassion and empathy it takes to stay open-minded.
I agree, I have students who come into my class, pull out their phones and look at me as though I am interrupting their Netflix movie when I request that they do some work. The pandemic and the coddling have turned my students into children who don’t have any consequences for their behavior so they see no need to change it. No one is going to pay them a salary for watching Netflix or playing pool on their phones all day. They get a 50% in my school just for writing their name on a paper. That is not teaching and I am not a babysitter.
I was born a few years before ’55, and I didn’t take it that way. Perhaps that is because I currently teach in a public charter classical school where students are held to high standards for both academics and behavior. We use the Love and Logic system of classroom management and teach students that they are responsible for the quality of their own education. These values are from the top down and are consistent school-wide. It is too bad that not all schools have that kind of support for both staff and students.
I wish we had that system…
I did not pick up the tone you were suggesting. (I was also born on’55.) our feelings about coddling May differ based on grade. I teach MS and I
agree with the author. My students need to learn they are responsible for learning. Teaching even the best lessons has no effect when students choose not to learn.
I agree! Those old days are gone and students do struggle with their mental health. Every week right now as a teacher is exhausting because of the presentation of so many needs in the children. I also would like to refute your comments about the CDC, etc. being overlords. Keeping kids safe from Covid kept their older relatives from dying. These comments have no business in a discussion about classroom management.
Thank you for speaking these truths!
Finally! Someone who speaks common sense. Thank you!
Thank you so much!! My biggest problem that I desperately need help with is with one of my first graders. She is defiant, refuses to work, runs out of class whenever she feels like it, is constantly noisy and bothering other students, grabs papers and books and pencils out of other students hands or just stands by her desk and throws pencils and crayons across the room. She eats paper towels and gags herself with them and spits water on desks, the floor, etc. She must use the office bathroom so she won’t clog the sinks with paper towels and stand on the toilets looking at other students in the bathroom. She runs around the room chasing the boys trying to kiss them. On the rug she will sit for a minute then start steam rolling kids, pulling hair, singing. She tore my classroom apart on the fourth day of school like she was a bomb going off! She could not handle sitting in her seat and following the rules, and she finally exploded! Her parents are very helpful I have lots of support at the school but honestly I need a full-time aid and there is no money anyone to do the job. Academically she is so far behind and I don’t know if she has actually even learned anything in the five months we have been in school. My classroom management is a joke because of her constant disruptions, and it makes me so mad that my other students are suffering. Many times I have run out of time to teach entire lessons because of the amount of time wasted on her disruptive behavior. Please please please— I need ideas for what to do with her until all my data is done being collected and hopefully she will go to resource or something. She does not belong in my class and we are all suffering because of it.
What’s even more sad is that Suzanne’s situation has become commonplace. I was just talking to someone this morning about similar incidents at my elementary campus. This alarming, unsafe behavior is happening everywhere. Staff are told to stand back, watch, and “take data.” No consequences are applied. They are not allowed to keep them in one room or restrain them for safety reasons, so everyone is at risk and learning is not happening at these times. These children need serious psychological help that a regular classroom is not equipped to provide. Fellow students are living in fear instead of learning in a safe environment. Why is our state, district, and society allowing this? What happened to rules, boundaries, and logical consequences?
Exactly! One of the most frustrating things is that last year, as my first year using the Smart Classroom management way, was an amazing year! Smart classroom management really worked for me. This year, this little first grade girl has wreaked havoc on my classroom management. She does not listen, she will not stay in timeout, in fact she won’t even GO to time out! How can I enforce my management plan if she won’t even respond, other than to shrug her shoulders and continue with her terrible behavior?!
Give Lost at School by Ross W. Green a read. He says that as teachers we’ve often been told that “children do well if they want to,” but he argues that, “children do well if they can.”
He has this form called the ALSUP and basically you sit down with other adults involved and come up with a list of unresolved problems. You focus on what is happening before the “terrible behaviour” starts. What triggered it? If you’re able to talk to the student about it, that’s best. It’s better to hear it straight from them than to make assumptions about it that he says are usually wrong.
I’m still reading the book, so I don’t have all the answers, but that’s what I’ve gotten from it so far. Hope this helps!
I am also reading this book now and highly recommend it.
Thank you! I got the book on Audible and have listened to a couple chapters already. So far, so good! Lots of YES! moments so far. THANKS!!
Thank you for this excellent column. I want to shout, “Amen!” And for those of a religious bend, remember that God doesn’t coddle His children either. Children are taking their cues from us adults, and if we continue to model fear, anxiety, hopelessness, etc., the kids will pick up on that. I’m not talking about reasonable precautions for health-compromised individuals.
I am struggling. My administration coddles and some parents coddle. Most students respect and value their learning but some students and parents perceive school and me as the enemy when we expect them to behave politely and be responsible. I’m at my last straw. I feel bullied and beaten daily by these students and their parents. Please help.
I worked at a school from Hell for a year, overseas. Teachers physically abusing students, letting students retaliate with violence, teachers that didn’t care about the kids and just wanted the easiest day possible. Reporting what I saw only led to nothing happening for the kids and my report being shown to the person I was reporting. Admin would bash other teachers during staff meetings and make hypocritical comments about anything and everything. I cried myself to sleep a lot that year.
My best friend had me sit down with one of the VPs, who was one of the good ones at that school. He told me that as a teacher, you are responsible for making your classroom a safe space. No matter what they are going through, they know they can get what they need from you. It’s hard to remember that when everything around you is crashing. We do this for them. No matter who their parents are, no matter what kind of attitude they enter with… We do this for them. We signed up to make a difference.
When it comes to admin, if you’re struggling and you don’t think standing up will make a difference, just keep your head down and focus on your classroom. Don’t ask questions. Don’t ask for support. Focus on your classroom.
When parents speak with you, make sure they know that you love and care about their kid and genuinely listen to their concerns. Sometimes we assume the worst about them before we hear them out. Try to see it from their perspective before you explain your side of things. Most parents want the same thing we do… Kids that want to come to school, feel safe at school, are learning, and are trying their best. If they come in pointing fingers, listen and don’t get defensive. Assure them you are trying to create a safe space and that you want the same thing as them. They usually come around.
Every teacher’s situation is different and I know things aren’t usually that simple. I left that school after 1 year, because I knew I couldn’t change the school without it changing me. But for that entire year, I pushed myself to become a better teacher for my students, and I know it made a difference for them.
Hang in there and remember to put your own oxygen mask on before helping them with theirs. You can’t create a safe space when you are not OK.
“The overlords are admitting it out loud—CDC, NIH, WHO. So why are we treating them like a Pink Floyd video?”
I take offense at naming the CDC, NIH, WHO as overlords…though the word is used correctly, it sounds too pejorative. We need less of that in our fractured society. A different word choice would have made for a more compelling argument.
Please explain….. “So why are we treating them like a Pink Floyd video.” I don’t get the reference. ????
Windy, I agree. Let’s keep the focus where it belongs, rather than throwing around language like “overlord.” Politicizes this important topic unnecessarily.
There’s a Pink Floyd’s song that goes “Hey, leave those kids alone.”
For everyone who doesn’t agree, there is someone who does! I loved the reference of “overlords.”
Forcing kids to mask for protection of an illness that has been shown repeatedly not to affect children, according to the overlords, is crippling our students.
The notion that COVID-19 doesn’t affect children was found to be incorrect at least a year ago. I teach 2nd and 3rd graders. Since school started in August, seven of my 22 students have gotten it. Contact tracing determined that they were all exposed to it from a family member. Students who sit close to them have to test negative in order to stay in school. All were able to stay. The positive test students didn’t pass it on to anyone else at school because we’re all required to wear masks. Masking is working.
A.M.E.N. Finally, someone who is speaking the truth. My admin wants coddling as well, but I tell my middle schoolers daily that they are best served by learning accountability and responsibility. These are life skills they will need in high school, college, and beyond.
Michael, I am so thankful that you continue to speak your mind in a world where many tear you apart and severely judged for doing so. (see above reviews 🙁 I have left most teacher blogs because if you are a teacher with any sort of classroom management, you are a racist and not inclusive. After twenty years, I am disappointed with my profession. I am not signing my name because I don’t want to be judged on this platform as others have been.
This column was right on time for me. I do have some students balking at my insistence on basic courtesy and civility, but most of them are responding well. I have had no parent complaints, except for one that was simply invalid. I had a student on Zoom recently who exhibited very inappropriate behavior, so they were removed and will have to complete the lesson on their own, without my help.
Education is a right, and with rights come responsibilities, including at the very least, civilized behavior. No student has the right to interfere with the learning of others. Fortunately, I am blessed with an admin team that has both compassion and common sense.
To the other respondents that are getting little support from their admin teams, my thoughts, prayers, and support are with you.
This post was exactly how I feel about teaching at the moment. There is change afoot though. Teachers are questioning the methods and ideology that they have been force fed and looking for more research validated approaches. Science of Reading, explicit instruction, and a focus on knowledge and content are becoming increasingly popular. My class this year are probably the lowest I have had in terms of skills and so I believe it’s my job to bridge the gap. We work hard bell to bell. The behaviour expectations are high. The result? The kids are calm, kind to each other, making good progress, and happy. Coddling kids just gives them the message that they aren’t capable of learning. We have to keep standards high.
Please, please, please keeping saying what you are saying. The comments that say this is too far speak to why we are in this situation in the first place and something has to help swing the pendulum back sooner rather than later.
It reminds me of the quote that’s been floating around: “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And weak men create hard times.”
This year specifically I have had my methods and expectations called into question by a couple parents (we’re a very small school!). I am still learning to do well what you talk about on your blog without my emotions getting in the way, but it has been energy draining to deal with administration that supports my high expectations but then turns around and coddles the students and parents. I will admit that it has pushed me emotionally to my limits and I am struggling to decide whether to continue another year or not. If I leave, I will be walking away from an opportunity to help teach higher expectations. If I do, I will be doing my marriage a favor. I’ve got to learn how to do what I feel called to do without it draining me emotionally. Please continue to do what you’re doing! (In the meantime, have you considered doing mentoring or consultations?
Michael does private consultations. Check this site for more info.
I disagree. At least at the ES level, they are struggling emotionally and content wise. For many 2nd graders this is the first full year of in person school that they have had. Developmentally they are behind. Academically they are behind mainly because the virtual learning was far from effective for this age group. Perhaps for the older students in HS I can see the point, but the world is not as black and white and now is not the time to draw a hard line. Teachers that teach older grades do need the support of their Admins to not tolerate bad behavior that is being displayed. We are living a shared trauma, both children and adults. If just providing harsh no nonsense punishment solved the problem, we would already be doing that. But it too often backfires. We need more Counselors, more Social Workers, Psychologists, and support staff to take the pressure off teachers for being the front line answer for everything. This will not end overnight, and it is naive to think that a “tough stance” is going to fix it.
What ‘trauma’ for adults is everyone mentioning? We have to be strong for the kids; we aren’t ‘sharing trauma’. Adults should not be weak.
People don’t have to be weak to experience trauma. Anyone can be affected by trauma.
For many 2nd graders, this is the first full year of in-person school that they have had. Developmentally they are behind. Academically they are behind mainly because the virtual learning was far from effective for this age group.
Wow, do I agree with you! I teach second and cannot believe how off they are on the academic standards as well as socially. I am contemplating moving up a grade, but know this won’t fix anything. The Covid crunch will last for a few years and well beyond that in the higher grades as the kids have so many gaps to fill.
We just have to do our best each and every day. It will take a while and just have to be patient.
I loved teaching. I retired early because of the dangers of COVID. I am not putting my family at risk over mask, don’t mask, social distance, don’t social distance. Behavior was not a problem. I love and miss students…they will do their best if challenged.
I admire and respect all of you.
I love this. For myself, my desire to coddle students comes from wounds of codependency – I know that’s not everyone’s problem, but when I’m really being honest, it’s definitely mine. I’m learning that I don’t do my students any favours when I take on myself what is their rightful responsibility.
Michael, would you please add to your list of topics how to increase student independence on long, complex tasks like essays or large projects? I teach in detail, but I find it hard not to help them develop their arguments, etc. Thanks!
Andrea, I respect your ideas about coddling. It sounds more to me like you are guiding, not coddling. You are still making them do the work, even with assistance, and that holds them accountable. I think many people underestimate the need for extensive modeling for some students, especially in rural towns with high poverty. Students simply don’t have the unique experiences and guidance at home to inspire creativity and originality. Keep doing you. 🙂
Al contrar, especially given that we’re talking about youth in general whether developmentally in grades elementary, middle or high school grades—some structural guidelines are in need of being drawn in order for all students to be aware of behavioral boundaries which serve to provide some semblance of order rather than chaos which is prone to happen students are not taught this and where it’s not modeled. From the standpoint of a teacher who has taught at both elementary and secondary levels, providing those structured behavioral guidance lines (similar to the lines necessary in teaching kindergartners “how to form capital and lowercase letters” or “where to begin forming cursive letters with the sequential numbers on where to start’) is fundamentally necessary for them in developing and growing in their confidence in being able to interact with others and other variables within their respective environmental context successfully. The article was very much appreciated and certainly appropriate. T
Too much grace with grades, really does no one any favors.
On line learning really was mostly ineffectual.
You are spot on with this article…but it is not easy.
This is a voice of reason in an increasingly “gone mad” world.
“981,488 child COVID-19 cases were reported the past week from 1/6/22-1/13/22 (8,471,003 to 9,452,491) and children represented 21.4% (981,488/4,589,630) of the weekly reported cases” American Academy of Pediatrics.
There’s a book titled, “Radical Candor (vs) Ruinous Empathy” – that encapsulates the point in your excellent article. Don’t do for students what they can do for themselves.
Well said. Thank you Michael.
Showing them some “tough love” would bring them back to reality and give direction they need.
I love the overall point of this article. I have seen multiple schools move towards a zero consequences philosophy, and I think that now more than ever, educators need to emphasize that love with firm boundaries and structure remains the answer. The SCM philosophy is more relevant than ever, and there will be a nasty fallout from this anti accountability movement.
I think that referring to the CDC and NIH as overlords was an unnecessary politicized remark that undermined the strong argument made in the rest of the article. An earlier SCM article pointed out how open advocacy and overly politicized lessons can be a needless distraction from what’s essential. I feel that public health officials did the best that they could with a complex moving target and limited information, and this small remark took away from what was a really important case being made in the rest of the piece. Already in the comments, I see people arguing about this, and not what really mattered in the article.