Online learning increases the possibility of receiving complaints from parents—because they’re now able to see everything their child sees.
They can judge and dissect every lesson and assignment as it’s given.
They can note every frustration, every moment of confusion, and every small struggle their child experiences. They can even sit right next to them during Zoom meetings.
Furthermore, like all of us trying to get through this strange time, they’re prone to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and irritability.
And you are an easy target.
So what follows are five sure ways to avoid complaints from parents about online learning.
1. Don’t apologize.
It’s normal during this time to feel as if you must apologize for assigning work, especially when so many families are struggling and you know that many students will ask their parents to sit down and help them—even if they don’t need it.
This can come out in your communication with parents.
I realize this is a tough time . . .
I know how busy you must be . . .
I’m sorry for the added burden . . .
I get it. Again, this is completely normal from a compassionate teacher. But it’s best to avoid attaching such sentiments to the work you expect of your students.
The reason is because it’s an invitation to negotiate the amount or content of the work.
It tells parents that you’re open to suggestions and insinuates that they’re required to help their child, which can rub many the wrong way.
2. Keep it professional.
Any overly familiar language in your communiqués with parents and families can lower their perception of you as an authority.
Teachers who have become friends with parents during the school year are especially struggling right now. They’re receiving frequent suggestions and requests for clarifications, accommodations, favors, and special attention.
They’re deciding assignments not based on what they know is right for their students, but on who the parents are and the probability of their dissatisfaction.
This underscores the importance of maintaining your professionalism at all times, but especially during this pandemic.
You do no one any favors by giving in and giving up on learning.
The last thing we want is to set our students back months and months because we’re afraid to be a strong leader. Besides, having a purpose is the very thing they need to come out the other side no worse for wear.
When parents look to you as an expert and authority, they’re far less likely to question your methods and far more likely to trust that you know what is best for their child.
3. Be simple and clear.
Ultimately, you decide what to assign. Not your students, their parents, other teachers, or even your administrator. And you must be willing to stand behind your decisions.
However, the simpler and clearer you can make your instruction, the better and the fewer opportunities to complain.
Try never to leave room for interpretation. Avoid nuance at all cost and be direct and narrow in your definitions of what you expect. Rely on steps as much as possible and focus on what you want your students to do.
This is more important now that we’re online than ever before.
If you do get questions or clarifications, you can reiterate—or copy and paste—what is already stated on your online platform or direct them back to your original communications.
In essence, you’re making it easy for students (and their parents) to understand what is expected while simultaneously shifting responsibility over to them to actively read, comprehend, and complete the work.
It’s not your job to teach each student individually. Your clarity, confidence, and directness in all of your instruction send the message that they don’t need you.
4. Don’t take it personally.
If you do get a complaint or request that is out of bounds, just remember that we’re all struggling to one degree or another.
It’s normal in the midst of frustration over their child’s reluctance to sit down and get to work, or during especially bad moments, to take it out on you.
Don’t take it personally.
Take the high road instead by being patient. Listen first. Breathe. Be gentle and understanding.
But do not give in. Once a complaint is made, clear up any misunderstanding or explain the ‘why’ of your decisions and be done with it.
Don’t go on and on or negotiate terms. You are in the position of teacher to be the teacher. They may not be happy in the moment, but in the long run they’ll respect you and be less likely to complain in the future.
5. Just give the facts.
This is something we’ve covered again and again here at SCM. When speaking with parents about behavior, lack of effort, poor performance, or a complaint they may have, stick with the facts.
Don’t offer your two-cents or advice unless asked and don’t overly explain yourself.
Have courage and be straight with them.
Give them the information they need and then kindly end your communication. Not only do parents appreciate this approach, and are much more likely to support you, but it makes your life so much easier.
Now more than ever.
Be a Pro
This article is in response to the outrageous behavior and angry complaints from parents many teachers have experienced since making the move to online learning.
You may not be able to avoid it all. But if you reestablish your authority and professionalism, such behavior will become more and more unlikely.
You must have confidence in all of your interactions and lessons you prepare and supreme belief in your students’ ability to successfully do the work you give them.
This must come across.
It pays in spades to think about how you can be utmost professional in every setting. Parents must see you as an authority figure who knows best the decisions for their child’s learning.
They must have confidence that you’ve got it covered.
If they don’t, if they see you as a friend or a jellyfish that can be pushed around, or if your disorganization reveals even a hint of incompetence, then you’re going to be inundated with complaints from unhappy parents.
You are in charge of your classroom, whether in person or at a distance, and you must show it.
You must live it and breathe it with your high proficiency, internal strength, and bold, cold, hard truth.
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I’m so sorry people are experiencing this. I’ve definitely made mistakes but my parents have been patient and kind.
What happened to we’re all in this together?!
A parent texted me in the middle of my class calling it a “s*t show”…
Should have told her, she’s a sh*t parent
TRUE !!! 🙂
My experience is totally opposite. When some parents are unable to join Zoom meetings they blame me or claim that the link doesn’t work. In reality, they don’t follow Google classroom procedures.
very true.
How can I as a substitute teacher prepare myself now for distance learning/teaching? Will substitute teachers not be participants in the distance teaching campus? I am concern and want to prepare for this new norm now.
Hi Jimmie, I do not know your district will pay a sub to do the distance learning, but if you want to prepare for it, I suggest you look into what teachers do for distance learning. You may have a particular class you are assigned often. Then you can set up Google classroom for that class. Learn how to do so by watching You Tube or reading the how to from Google. You do not have to publish the classroom you made, but you can start working on it so you are ready when needed.
Jimmie,
Great question! Substitute Teachers are an important part of the school environment and teaching process. I would suggest you and all substitutes become familiar with the virtual teaching process. Understanding the technology is the first step. Then use your creative instructional skills to provide virtual learning. Most important is the use of effective communication skills. Especially, listening and speaking in a clear voice. It’s also critical to be enthusiastic and motivating when teaching students online.
Hope this helps!
There are some good points made in this article, but the relationships that we have formed and continue to form with families are extremely important. If families are communicating with me, of course I am going to lighten the load for them, and of course I am going to work out a plan that keeps their children engaged. This unprecedented time IS the time to work together and understand what may be limiting the engagement of our students. And, it IS the time to teach each individual student, just like we have all year. One can remain professional and compassionate.
Being compassionate is not synonymous with promoting learned helplessness.
Being compassionate means that we set our judgments or reactions aside when a parent complains, realize the complaint is coming from their perspective, determine if there is any misstep taken on our part and correcting it if there is but if not, warmly redirecting the parents to the instructions just as Michael points out in this article. [This is all assuming that we have created step-by-step lessons that are clear and direct so that we indeed can stand behind our lesson without guilt.]
There is a great misunderstanding that compassion = being emotionally manipulated by someone’s situation to lower standards, expectations, and/or promote the idea that they can’t figure it out without specialized help (EIPs notwithstanding).
I totally agree with your reply. I could not have said it any better.
Thank you Michael for this article.
All the best to all the teachers.
God bless and keep you all.
I agree 100%!
I totally agree !
Thanks, Michael. Reading this has been a great help for me.
#4 is key. These past two weeks since my district started up with distance learning (we took a 5 week pause when we sent out practice packets in order to give us time to figure out what we were going to do) I’ve gotten about 3 or 4 really frustrating emails from parents. Their tone was nasty, but at no point did they attack ME. My initial reaction was like all of ours would be- I immediately turned red, angry, and wanted to give in to my angry-crying tendency. But I’ve had success with all of them because I forced myself to look beyond the tone and the side-jabs. One parent, I know, is a tattoo artist. She’s not working, which means their family is down to one income. Her son is on the Autism spectrum, he has ADHD, and a learning disability on top of those obstacles. She saw him having meltdowns, and with all her stress from being out of work and trying to hold it together, it came out in her email to me. It was a request for help disguised as a complaint. Once I considered what was behind the email, I was able to respond from a compassionate place and her response had a drastic change in tone. It was pleasant and polite. I imagine it was because someone acknowledged her frustration and was offering help.
I took the same stance with the other emails and each time had enormous success. Their kids didn’t get out of any work and I didn’t apologize for assigning the work, but I did acknowledge their difficulties and we communicated about how their students would complete the work and what resources were available. Had I taken the complains personally, and as an attack on my abilities to do my job, the issue would have escalated to an ugly place where nobody won.
One thing that helps is to make sure that you’re emotionally healthy. You can’t give parts of yourself to your kids if there’s nothing left to give. My interactions with parents have only reinforced that teacher self-care is more important now than ever. I am lucky to have such a supportive district and supervisor that when I tell them that I am limiting my contact hours and taking time away from work, even when there’s grading to do, they support me. Even with this, toward the end of the week, my nerves are fried and I’m cranky and unpleasant every Friday night. If you can, I would advise that you find a routine that gets the required stuff done and then gives you time for yourself and your family. No one benefits if you’re not able to cope emotionally.
Thank you so much for this comment. I’ve learned a lot.
Mostly all my parents have been really nice. Starting online teaching art has definitely had it’s ups and downs. I’m finally getting into the groove after seven weeks. I wish I would’ve had more advice when we first began. Not all of my students do my art assignments so that’s a concern for the fall when we’ll probably continue remote learning. How do I get more participation for art?
All I can suggest, if your curriculum allows it, is to encourage abstract art, based on some of the wonderful examples online, e.g., Mondrian or Miro. Abstract pieces can be completed quickly thus allowing a feeling of accomplishment on the part of the student who may feel that some art assignments are too complex and take a long time.
Do your students send you photos of their work? That too is an assignment.
Thankfully my parents have all been supportive and it thankful for all I do. I have had a few apologize for putting up with their kids, they now see how much they don’t listen and how far behind they are. I even had one parent ask if her child needs an IEP. I said no, he just doesn’t pay attention so he doesn’t know how to do the work plus his attendance makes learning new things hard. She replied with, “He doesn’t listen…you got that right!”. I feel we are required to give too much work so I prioritize what I give. That way they know they are still suppose to work but if getting the rest done is overwhelming , then don’t do it. They aren’t getting out of work, just the amount of work. We aren’t allowed to teach anything new or grade anything and I tell the parents weekly that we’ve done these lessons in the classroom so their child should know how to do them.
What is frustrating parents the most is the technology. I’ve had to talk many parents through getting online and to my online classroom. Their frustration isn’t with me and are extremely thankful for the help.
My frustration is about half my class isn’t participating and I feel I am nagging them and they still don’t participate. I have admin and others contacting them too.
The one thing I have found most challeging in my teaching career has been relating to hovering, entitled or simply difficult parents. During my 9 weeks doing distance teaching I have received one request from 1 parent (not to zoom with her child’s class on Fridays at 2:20 PM). Otherwise nobody has complained to me. I have remained very professional. I’m glad to know that I’m doing it right. One of the teachers at my school zooms daily with all her classes, does help zoom sessions with kids that are struggling and calls parents and sometimes kids on their cell phones. She is dedicated and I admire that, but I’m not doing that, nor do I want that degree of interaction. She is considered a heroine. Is her behavior professional.
Why would her behavior be considered unprofessional?
How timely and appreciated this article is!!!! This 8th week of elearning; I got blasted from a parent whose child I have. And she teaches right across the hall!!!!!
Since this isn’t the first time her meltdowns are directed to me; I am again disheartened. I know why people leave the teaching profession.
The only complaint I received from a parent was from someone who is also a teacher at my school. Teachers also do not have the right to tell you what/how to teach.
I’ve heard complaints from two teachers about another teacher who is an awesome veteran teacher. I stood up for that teacher because with this shift in delivery…what happened to giving some one grace with the learning curve in technology? He has been nothing but supportive of all teachers in our school and yet gets criticized behind his back. I refuse to participate in that.
We are all in this together and any suggestions are welcome and should be taken into consideration. It helps to see the hows and whys from other teachers to help drive our decisions on how to interact with our students and parents. A few things to keep in mind is that all students do not learn the same and are not in the same “boat” as others. I teach in a Title 1 school district and one of the struggles was getting everyone on an even playing field at home. It is still not the best, but we continue to do what is best for our students. Other things to consider in many situations are food insecurities, family members who are affected by the virus, the emotional/social impact, and parents who need to continue to work. The whole situation is not perfect, but all suggestions should be considered when given and weighed against the individual need of each. I have many parents who were frustrated because of the what the current situation brought to their lives and their not knowing how to juggle it all. It was so frustrating to me as well. I continue to ask myself, “How can I best support my students and their parents?” I remained calm face to face (sometimes I told them I needed to “look into it” to give myself some time to step back and relax) but I let them know “we” will get through it together. I made them partners in their student’s learning and remained steadfast in my expectations. It is not perfect but it is what I do in order to reach each of my students and their families. Thank you for the articles of support and suggestions. They give me pause and help me to remind myself why I love to teach!
Reading this has been of great help. Though some of my students tried negotiating work load but I was able to explain the reasons for the volume of work given. There are some of them who would always turn in their work so it’s really not about the volume.
I feel parents can help ensure that students perform assigned tasks.
I disagree in that I think it is ALWAYS ok to apologize!
Even if it is for things out of our control, it serves as an acknowledgement of someone’s frustration… Then, the unbiased, “How can I help?” direct response usually helps parents be specific in their requests &/or results in a, “…..sorry, was just kind of venting!” response that helps us realize this wasn’t about us really!
to kate:
it isn’t that apologizing is wrong; it’s the tone of the apology that may be wrong. if one neutralizes one’s apology by saying something like “this online learning is really posing hardships for all of us, i know it is for me. let’s see if we can zero in on what difficulties johnny is having with it.” you’ve told the parent you’re willing to listen and see what you can do to address their complaint without unnecessarily “owning” the difficulties that arise from this current less than ideal method of teaching/learning.
I teach junior high computer classes. My lessons are either too detailed for some students and parents or not clear enough. Steps are numbered and how-to videos accompany my lessons. I get complaints from parents that I assign too much (we’re doing less than half the work we’re normally would), and constant complaints that their child says they did the work but the grade book doesn’t show that. I feel nasty for copying and pasting my view of Classroom and the history record that shows I haven’t received their work. I’ve sent emails to parents and students that I’m grading as fast as I can, but projects like these take a great deal of time to grade… mostly because I leave comments about what they missed so they can redo it for an improved grade… normally I wouldn’t do that, but normally I would be able to give regular feedback while students are working in class. So many students do not join Zoom calls, and several don’t even turn in any work. We’re down to about 2 weeks left and I can’t grade and constantly email students and parents to remind them of the assignments and fast approaching end of the year. I don’t think they realize the more they email me (parents) and instead of reading directions (students) they really just take my time away from grading.
I’m at my wits end and want to be a bit more blunt (‘stop emailing me so I can grade!’ ‘don’t you read your email? I specifically addressed this!’) but instead, I walk away for a bit, do some work I NEED to do – grading – and reply after a few hours have passed.
I’ve even reminded them that I am a classroom teacher not a
DL teacher, and I’m learning, too.
What else can I do??
I teach high school. I have two elementary school age kids of my own. We work side by side. They are doing better but it has been a huge stress on everyone. How to give short and very clear instructions that do not invite interpretation has been the number one thing that I have been learning. One of my kids’ teacher does poorly on that and it is a source of frustration. I communicated with her and she sadly was not flexible. Another point is that distant learning requires the academic skill of understanding written instructions. Without visual and verbal cues, some kids just struggle to understand or keep focused on all written instruction. Even videos and voice recording cannot do the job of in-person learning. For me, the distant learning has revealed issues that were not very obvious in classroom setting. Because of new issues, difficulties, and learning curves on top of our stressful lives during the pandemic, I-speaking as a parent-would very much appreciate a compassionate, positive, flexible, and creative teacher. We need to individualize expectation, instruction, assignment load, delivery methods, etc. to ensure everyone makes academic progress, even small; everyone feels supported and successful – with parents on board. We need to support each other – this is my priority over anything else.
I also had kind and supportive families.
I have to be honest that I had bouts of anxiety about teaching art on zoom. Before a zoom session, my heart would race and my breathing would get rapid. My head would spin. I never had parents complain but suddenly I was in a “classroom” with other teachers, students (who I am used to) and parents who are seen and unseen.
You know how nervous you get during an observation at school. Well it felt like that every time. I felt like my classroom was now full of folks watching me and listening in. Facial expressions are delayed and it’s hard to read students. Am I talking too much, can they see my screen share, is this lesson too easy or too hard via zoom? Was my lesson too short or took too long?
I would try to get my head on straight and think positively. I realize this was a great opportunity for parents and other teachers to get to know me better and see what I do in the classroom. I was also engaging their child in a fun activity which hopefully was a nice change of pace. I’m curious if anyone else had this experience?
We learn from cradle till the grave. Teachers in one of my undertakings surprised one with their competence.
In the other, it was observed that the complex national stress with attendant lacks touched on inability to provide the materials needed. And a number of parents rather took it against the zealous teacher, with spattern of skepticism on e learning, dissuading from participation.
But this is the path to adopt with a little more explanation from ‘the *teacher* ‘ yielding self to change and being taught to deliver quality distance teaching.
The presentation has been helpful to me. Thanks.
I know many parents who do not allow their children access to technology or the school districts computer system. They certainly do not ever allow access from the home. They should continue to be provided alternative but equal educational opportunity and activities.
I know that some parent’s are very busy and it is a tough time right now. But once they understand the work and technology, they can help their child grow and learn.
As a parent, the teacher would be misunderstanding really — our home is not their classroom. The location is within my castle, and leave of the King must be petitioned. If allowed in at all, guests must respect our home rules. Camera, dress code, what is displayed in background, etc. Impertinence will not be tolerated.