A Quick Way To Calm Your Class, Build Rapport, And End Bullying

With a single statement, spoken at the beginning of the day or class period, you can send a wave of calmness throughout your classroom.

It takes just a few seconds, but you’ll see, and even feel, the difference immediately.

You’ll also notice a greater appreciation for you, trust in you, and desire to be around you—which is key to building effortless rapport.

The statement is this:

“If you’re ever bullied, bothered, or made fun of, or feel uncomfortable in this classroom in any way, I promise to fix it. You can send me an email, slip me a note, or ask to speak with me privately.

You can even have a friend approach me. Rest assured, I’ll move mountains to take care of the problem so you can feel safe to learn and enjoy being in this class.”

No, it’s not magic.

The results are often subtle. But it’s clear reassurance from you that you’ve got their back, which lowers anxiety and frees them to focus on learning and all the wonderful things a well-managed classroom has to offer.

In short, it allows them to be kids. It allows them to leave their worries behind and live in the present upon walking through your door.

It also triggers the Law of Reciprocity.

When you extend kindness to your students, and boldly promise their protection from the scourge of bullying, or any other impediment to learning, they’ll want to pay you back in spades.

They’ll want to listen to you, behave for you, and please you. It’s a two-way country road of grace and appreciation.

Of course, it must be true.

The statement, you see, puts you on notice. It exerts a soft pressure to fulfill your promises. Thus, you must follow through. You must get to the bottom of it. You must protect your students like a mother bear with her cubs.

The statement also puts bullies on notice that if they do engage in hurtful behavior, there will be heck to pay. They’ll no longer be able to hide in the shadows or exert their power, strength, or size over those they perceive as weaker.

I recommend making the statement, or your own version of it, about once a month—more in the beginning of the year or if you’re seeing signs of bullying or restlessness.

Addressing your students with a formal statement (you can even write it out) is assurance that you’re there for them, that you understand them and the challenges of being a student.

That they can count on you to be a leader they can trust.

Maybe the only one they’ve ever known.

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14 thoughts on “A Quick Way To Calm Your Class, Build Rapport, And End Bullying”

  1. A great reminder that we need to create an environment where our kids can feel safe. I’d like to hear more about how you handle bullying situations when they happen. Bullying can be a tricky situation. Any direction to other article links on your site about this would be great. Thanks!

    Reply
  2. How do you follow through with “I promise to fix it”? I have a student from Nigeria in a school where there are few African Americans, and the largely Hispanic population, in general, are not very accepting of black students. They use all kinds of covert ways to make fun of him, and no amount of private conversations outside or phone calls home has convinced them to stop. I want to fix it, but feel helpless in a sea of people who do not have my same belief systems.

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    • I teach in a rural predominantly white English speaking school in Arkansas and I constantly try to get my students to think about what life is like as a minority. It is difficult for them when they have never lived as the “other”. I do have two suggestions for you and one is to teach your students about the importance of Afro-Latinos in history, music, sports, literature, etc… Nicolas Guillen was a Cuban author who wrote about being Black in Cuba and his poetry may be an interesting way to get your students to begin to see that a big part of Latin American history and culture is rooted in African traditions and customs. There are some great units out there on TPT about Afro-Latinos. I just finished up a unit focusing on the Dominican Republic and Afro-Latinos in music and I think it was really good. Another idea, is to simply have a dialogue with your Hispanic students about what it is like to be a Hispanic student in a school where that is the minority. Maybe have them watch videos, movies, documentaries or read about the experience of Hispanics being the “other” to get at least a few of them to have some empathy for your student from Nigeria. I hate that your student is having to go through that but hopefully you can use it as a learning experience. Maybe you could also have all your students reflect on parts of their identity that make them fall into the “other” category such as being from a certain part of town, being a protestant among a predominantly Catholic community, growing up with a single parent, etc… ?

      Reply
  3. The “I promise to fix it” only works if you have admin that will take appropriate action with repeated offenders. Our students know that they will not be held accountable because we are supposed to be “kind” and “capture kids’ hearts.”
    I talk and support until I am blue in the face, but ultimately, if there are no consequences, the words are empty. Those offended then begin to lack confidence in my ability to make any changes. The frequently offending students often tell parents that I pick on them because I am redirecting or reminding them (AGAIN) about appropriate behaviors. And now, it is about the teacher, not the abhorrent behavior of the students. Your messages continue to encourage to always to the high road.

    Reply
    • Hi Debi,

      Please see the linked articles when you get a chance as well as the Rules & Consequences category of the archive.

      Reply
  4. The one about the “five simple rules” and “3-step consequences” as worked magic for me this year starting in a new school after teaching in the same one for over 12 years. I can’t believe how well parents respond and then kids follow. And they’re not “afraid” or anything just understand that’s part of the game and we’re all in it. Highly recommended. Thanks for all the great advice

    Reply
    • Hey Karen,

      Your comment has me curious about the five simple rules and 3-step consequences. Where did you find this information?

      Reply
  5. Thank you very much.
    But this way does not work with teen students. I may fall into a problem of lying and playing tricks through messages and notes.

    Reply
  6. I’m curious what you suggest for students who are bullied but who, despite their frustration and depression about being bullied, continue to seek a social relationship (time, attention, and physical proximity) with the person who is bullying them.

    Reply
  7. I think what you have done is an amazing yet simple method to eradicate bullying and let students focus more on what there teachers/mentors have to offer.
    Thank You for this effort.
    Cheers

    Reply

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