So you have this student who seemingly at every break wants to share critical information with you.
Sometimes it’s an observation. “The heater is making a strange clicking sound.”
Sometimes it’s a suggestion. “I think you should line the class up in alphabetical order.”
Sometimes it’s a tattle. “Leticia has a bag of chips in her pocket, and I saw her eating them.”
They’re not interrupting or being rude. Nor are they breaking any rules.
But it gets on your last nerve.
Especially because you only have so much time to use the restroom, eat your lunch, or prep for the next lesson.
The best response, however, isn’t to shoo them away or tell them to mind their own business.
No, the best response is to give them exactly what they want.
Here’s how (and why):
1. Listen.
Although it may go against your every impulse, lean in and hear them out. Place your hand on your chin, look them in the eye, and take their concerns seriously.
2. Respond.
After listening and nodding your head, respond briefly but honestly and then thank them for their help. It’s the fastest way to end the conversation without creating friction between you.
“Hmm, interesting. I’ll look into it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.”
“It’s a good idea, but the reason I don’t is because it takes too long. Thanks for the suggestion.”
“Really? That’s against the rules. I’ll take care of it. Thanks for letting me know.”
3. Follow through.
If it’s something that you said you’d do, then be sure to follow through. Let them see you take action. You may even want to give them an update.
“Hey, thanks again for letting me know about the heater. The custodian said he’d take a look at it.”
A Few Extra Seconds
If you embrace the concerns students bring to you, and validate them with your response, it tends to happen less often, not more.
Knowing that they’re seen and heard and spoken to in a manner that tells them that they matter relieves the compulsion to continually approach you for your time and attention.
It’s also their way of making a connection with you.
It’s a moment you share together, pulling in the same direction. Rejecting it is rejecting an opportunity to build greater influence and rapport.
So don’t mess it up. Don’t send them away, cut them off in annoyance, or risk sullying your relationship. Instead, welcome their thoughts. It takes just a few extra seconds of your time.
But it’s well worth it in the end.
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Yes!Couldn’t agree more!😉
These topics are very helpful. Thanks.
I feel guilty for not following this advice. I get so caught up in the endless to do list in my head that I can come across as brusque and dismissive when these seemingly petty concerns are brought to my attention. I teach 6 th grade and sometimes they can be very irritating so by the end of the day my patience is thin.
I will try and follow this advice more because it will probably help me feel proud of myself for handling it better.
😂😂😂 All world is a village! At my school we teachers call them “the stalkers”… But you are perfectly right, that’s the only way to handle them. In short, you must love them, that’s what they’re asking for.
I agree with the above comment I really want to see you in action Michael!
Also – what if acknowledging the sidetrack creates a chain reaction of commentary from other students and completely derails you? They are so hungry to be off topic.
This is what happens to me! If I recognize a student and then thank him for his comments, it sometimes creates an annoying domino effect of more students want to say something, ANYTHING, just to break up the routine or get to talk or receive attention.
I teach 2nd grade. I can handle all of it till about 2:15 PM! We take a 15 minute recess at that time and come back in to teach more math and do stations.
Dismissal is at 3:15….. how to get through the last hour of the day when there is no more energy or patience left on both sides?
I teach 2nd as well, the end of the day can be rough! In my experience, if you have these conversations with 2nd graders, they will build relationships and become fewer and farther between as the year goes on, but it takes awhile (different for each kid). I feel like a lot of them (at least in my experience) do this because they are feeling insecure and need to feel heard and validated. I hope that makes sense.
This is so true. Often these students are insecure and just need to feel heard or validated. I teach 2nd grade, so this is not uncommon. These conversations can become relationship-builders if you let them. Those extra few seconds spent in conversation can add extra minutes to your days in the long run!
Hello, Michael,
I am a Mentor Teacher in Spring Valley, CA at Steele Canyon High School. I have been following your blog since Summer 2018. Your ideas and methods are so practical and do-able now! I have purchased 2 of your books and regularly forward your articles to the new staff.
I am interested in you visiting our school and doing an afternoon seminar/lesson with our new staff. We have 7 new teachers this year and I will invite the 2nd and 3rd year teachers. Do you do small group sessions? What is your fee? What does the session include?
If not, are you speaking at a conference in SoCal this year? I would love to attend your sessions and take back information to my staff.
I look forward to hearing from you and continuing to follow your blog.
Is a good idea
Love this! Nothing hurts as much as being ignored. Taking a minute to let children (or anyone) feel heard usually fixes the problem; ignoring them compounds it.
As a retired English teacher, I wholeheartedly agree with allowing these types of students to be heard. I will always remember feeling such frustration with this type of behavior but soon realized that once I took them seriously, they did back off and stop bombarding me with useless information.
Even though you don’t name it, a lot of the advice you give coincides with restorative practices. I really appreciate how you incorporate high academic standards and behavioral expectations within the framework of connecting to students/building a classroom community. 🙂
love the strategies