You can’t teach your students to respect you.
Oh sure, you can try. Many teachers do. They harp on it, do read alouds about it, and even role-play it.
But in the end, students can’t be persuaded or talked into respecting you. No, in this day and age, respect must be earned.
But here’s the good news: Your students are looking for someone to believe in. They’re looking for a leader to look up to and to fill their sails with inspiration.
So when you step forward with a combination of strength, compassion, and integrity . . .
You’ll have their respect within a week.
Here’s how:
1. Your word must be golden.
If you say it, you must follow through with it. Saying one thing and doing another is the single greatest reason why teachers struggle with disrespect, particularly when it comes to enforcing behavior standards.
You must be the one person your students can trust unequivocally. Many students don’t respect teachers simply because they’ve never met one who didn’t lie to them—which, fair or not, is how they see it if you don’t do what you say.
Unless your word is golden, you’ll be just another wishy-washy lightweight, short on influence, weak in authority, and easy to dismiss with a wave of the hand or a roll of the eyes.
2. You must be the same teacher yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Your students won’t respect you if you’re moody and unpredictable. Snapping at them one day and behaving as sweet as summer squash on another is confusing and disorienting to students.
Seek instead to be the same pleasant and reliable teacher every day. Having spot on classroom management is the key here. It makes keeping your cool, being likeable, and building rapport naturally easy, and is the best antidote for stress and irritability.
3. You must never take misbehavior personally.
When you allow students to get under your skin, it’s hard not to fall into hurtful methods like yelling, lecturing, arguing, and sarcasm—which in turn causes students to view you as a peer-equal they can backtalk, challenge, and wrest control from.
To earn their respect, and avoid angry and resentful behaviors, keep your emotional distance when responding to unwanted behavior. Matter-of-factly, even robotically, enforce your consequences every single time a rule is broken.
Letting your classroom management plan do the dirty work for you allows you to keep your influential relationships with students intact and your teaching persona positive and gentle-hearted.
Quiet Strength
Sadly, you can no longer expect students to arrive in your classroom with a healthy respect for teachers already impressed upon their heart.
Those days are long since past . . . sigh.
But earning your students’ respect isn’t so difficult. It doesn’t take lengthy lessons, how-dare-you lectures, or impassioned speeches. It doesn’t take a domineering personality or a Navy admiral’s stature.
And it’s not something you have to demand from your students.
Respect is earned through the honor of your word, the steadiness of your temperament, and the gentle, quiet strength of your convictions.
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Excellent article. How does this work for substitutes who will see the students sometime even only once. I am currently substituting, and have a hard time grabbing the attention of the students. Because I am pretty much stationed at a school, and I am there every day, the students see me and are getting to know me. Any books or anything would be helpful.
These articles are very helpful with what I can take from them and use.
Hi Andrew,
I think as a sub you can glean a lot from the SCM website. However, the articles are written for classroom teachers. I do hope to write specifically about substitute teaching in the future–perhaps on another website. In the meantime, I’m glad you’re a regular reader. 🙂
Michael
Hi Michael,
I loved your book and website. Actually I have reread Dream Class several times and think it is one of the best in its class. I have read MANY teacher books because I find the great ones, like yours, inspiring. Are there any teacher type books that you recommend in additional to yours?
Hi Greg,
I’m glad you left a comment! So sorry I was unable to return your original email. Your filter sent it right back to me. You ask a great question, but I’m probably the worst person in the world to answer it. I want to keep the articles I write as pure and authentic as possible, so I avoid reading professional books.
:)Michael
Hello, I have a student that is a male HS hispanic 16 year old boy who just cannot stay still or obey. I teach Spanish II Bilingual and he is good and speaks it and finds it boring because he already knows the information most of the time and finds it ridiculous. I’ve talked to him personally and talked to the mom because he randomly stands up and wants to walk around, sit on top of the desks and talk among peers whenever he wants. Let’s not start with phone usage. I AM TIRED of his behavior and I don’t know what else to do. HELP
Hi Ms. Cantu,
Two things: You must have a classroom management plan with rules and consequences to enforce and you must to find a way to challenge him. If the material is too easy, no wonder he misbehaves and doesn’t find it worth his time.
Michael