If you’re exceptional at classroom management, your colleagues will hate you for it.
They’ll talk about you behind your back. They’ll utter snide remarks. They’ll start rumors and try to make you look bad in front of your principal.
It’s a phenomenon SCM readers have shared with me again and again over the years.
Expect it to happen to you.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter the endeavor. If you pursue excellence in any area of your life, many people, including your closest friends, won’t like it.
Because it raises the bar for them. It removes the excuses. It holds a mirror up to who they could be if they put in the work, the study, the concentration.
You’ve done what they said couldn’t be done.
And it cuts like a knife. A small number of people will be inspired by you. Smaller still are those who will be proud of you. The rest want nothing more than for you to fail.
So much so that they’ll try to make you look bad. They’ll try to embarrass you. They’ll slight you, won’t acknowledge you, and pretend you’re no more worthy of their attention than a cockroach skidding across the floor.
These are the sorriest souls who, as Thoreau mused, “are living lives of quiet desperation,” only feeling satisfaction in seeing you stumble.
So, what should you do about it?
Let them fade into your background. Highlight the beauty and inspiration around you and allow them to fall away from your attention. Do not attempt to get your own revenge. It will drag you down to their level, which is what they want.
Your success is the best revenge. So keep pushing. Keep striving. Let it motivate you to be better still.
In the meantime, in the hallways and meeting rooms, try to meet their eye. Look into their shame. I don’t mean this in a confrontational or aggressive way. You’re not trying to intimidate or start trouble.
You’re merely forcing them to confront the truth. It tells them oh so subtly that you’re on to them. You don’t have to say anything, though hello is okay. Be pleasant, but hold their eyes until they look away.
Most won’t even look at you.
They like to hide in the dark like the vampires they are. But if you can remain strong, it can put an end to their attempts to sabotage you. They’ll move along to someone they can bully.
If this seems harsh, remember this: They’d like nothing more than to ruin your career. They’d like nothing more than for you to run off to a different school so they don’t have to be reminded of your excellence.
Yes, look at them without fear. Let your eyes expose them to the light. But always take the high road. If you complain or gossip or get into a petty argument, you’ll open yourself to more lies and more stress.
Set the record straight if anyone asks, but otherwise remain on the plains above. Be even better at your job.
Funny, when you get to a certain level of success—undeniable success—again in any endeavor, everyone wants to be your friend. Those same vampires become sycophants, hoping to steal some of your mojo.
But it’s all okay, every bit of it. Because the satisfaction of making a profound and lasting impact on students far outweighs the potholes on the way there.
PS – Inspire will be available on October 4th.
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Thank you, Mike. You are so right. Unfortunately, some of those people who act like you mentioned are school leaders who want you out of their school for the reasons you described.
Maybe I am doing something wrong, but I do have good classroom management, but I also feel like sometimes (often times) the students (and some parents) don’t like me. 😞 “Oh, she’s so strict.”
I got fired as a long-term substitute because of this. Principal said I just didn’t fit in. I was too smart. Oh well. Let the dumb one teach on.
Really? Sad leadership.
As a 26 year veteran educator and victim of this type of bullying, I implore you to just keep going. Those same students and parents who say you’re “mean” now, will change their story in the future. Many of my former students and parents have returned to report that they are grateful for the structure I provided. They now see the value in what I worked hard to achieve and they tell me to keep doing it. I was never “mean”, I just had and still have high expectations. Keep up the good work 😸
As a 32 year retired middle school teacher, this has happened to me many times! Even though it might come after the fact, maintaining high expectations was eventually appreciated.
So what if you are strict. You are NOT there to be “liked”. You are there to teach kids skills and hopefully be better people. Building relationships with students is a good thing, but this does have …and should have… it’s limits.
I consider myself “old school” or “traditional”. I’ve been described as such by my principal, too, in my evaluations. Who cares. I get the job done, my students work hard for me, and they know I care for, respect, and love them. And, I get results. I get compliments for my work from those who truly matter. There are other teachers in my building who forgo true classroom management (i.e. “discipline and routine”) for the soft/mushy way of interacting and teaching. They work hard to be liked and seem insecure in who they are as a person and teacher. They are also the ones who have more problems with students. Having expectations is not a bad thing. Following through with consequences with students for not measuring up to them, is hard to do. But the rewards are great and the kids actually will appreciate and love you for being a consistent and reliable force in their lives. Be strong!
I agree with you 💯%. And the teacher you describe is me, too! However, I work in a district in which parents have a huge say in the education of their children. I am “afraid” to say anything to them for fear I will be disciplined or spoken to by admin. The other day I got spoken to because a student said I was “too nice” to him!!! I can’t win and am feeling defeated.
They’ll appreciate it later in life! Whatever you do, do it in love!
I have had this happen before and I never see it coming!
I need help with a related issue. My third graders are having a great year. When something doesn’t go as I expect, I model expectations again and we practice and practice. I teach all of the core academic classes and the students are engaged and producing quality work! Unfortunately, when they go to their other classes, like art and music, the teachers there are brilliant in their subjects but don’t have strong classroom management and the students get lectured and shamed. One teacher in particular really wants me to have a point system so that when the students don’t meet expectations in her room they will loose points and get consequences from me. I have held firm and explained my management plan but it isn’t working. She often has these conversations with me loudly and in front of my class instead of greeting them and getting them settled. While she has been at the school longer than me I have been teaching for 15 years and I’ve never had a peer behave like this towards me. Any thoughts on how to support my students and this colleague while staying true to what I know is best practice? Thanks so much!
She needs to have her own management plan, with her own positive and negative consequences, etc. She should set up her own point system and have a grading category for citizenship or participation. If she’s having trouble controlling classes, that lack could be why. She needs to connect with teacher groups in her subject area for management ideas. This Smart Classroom Management website is great for all subjects and you might refer her to it. Also, there is an art specific group called “The Art of Education” for art teachers, if that is her subject area. That said, sometimes upper level grades (6-8) do want specials to additionally connect with their management plan for continuity.
Thank you! I appreciate your feedback. I definitely agree.
Oh my heavens! As a retired teacher after a long career as both a classroom teacher and a music teacher I can say that doesn’t sound like a good situation at all! I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. I hope I can help a little bit.
1. Before anything else make sure you have set up your expectations for specials classes. (And yes, the specials teachers should have their own classroom plan but I’ll touch on that more in a minute.) Make sure your students understand how they must behave and that if you hear that they did not that they know the consequences. I’m sure you have probably done this but it doesn’t hurt to reinforce basic behavior expectations when your students are with another teacher.
2. The specials teacher’s classroom management plan: Reach out to this teacher in a professional, pleasant way and ask her what her classroom management plan is because you want to know how to make sure that the students are aware at all times of expectations and consequences. This may help you to understand if this teacher even HAS a plan and if she does, how does she include you in it. For example, I used Michael’s SCM plan as outlined in his book for specials teachers and my students knew that at a certain point in our behavior plan the consequences would no longer be just in my classroom but that their teacher would be informed. I had a good relationship with my colleagues and I told them that I would handle most things but that there might come a point with certain students where we would reach that part of my plan and they would be hearing from me with an email. Now back to your situation – if this teacher gives you the details of her classroom management plan and the first consequence is “I will tell your teacher and let her handle it” OR if she has no formal plan and her first go-to is “I will tell your teacher and let her handle it” then you have to make some choices. Choice #1 – Plan a meeting with this teacher and try to work out exactly what behaviors will warrant informing you and what will not. If you are able to come to an agreement then ask her to inform you by email and promise her you will follow through with that student and that you’ll send an email to let her know that. Hopefully everyone will learn and grow and things will get better. Choice #2 – If it is not worth it to you to try to work with this teacher because you feel it will not ever become productive then just go ahead do the following: The next time the teacher tries to tell you in the hallway or at her doorway about a problem tell her that you’re sorry but you have to get to a meeting and that you will send an email asking her for details about whatever’s going on. Then do that. After you read her return email about the problem then do whatever you think is best. If you have to start setting expectations and consequences for this particular teacher’s class then just do it and follow through as you usually would. I know it’s a pain and it would be so much better and certainly more professional for the specials teachers to run her classroom more efficiently but you can’t control that. What you can control is how you want YOUR classroom plan to work and how you want to communicate with this teacher. You do not have to let her tell you all about it at the wrong time or in front of the students. Just smile, say something about why you have to go, and send her an email to inquire about the situation.
I hope this at least gives you some ideas to ponder. Good luck!
Thank you so much! I do want know her expectations and her plan. All of your ideas will add up to a better day for my students and that needs to be the focus! Thanks again
I have been at my current school for two years. This is the beginning of year 3. I will admit that I held back on SCM principles somewhat because I didn’t really notice other teachers using a structured discipline plan. This year I am going full force, just like I did at my previous school. I have observed over the years that the other teachers resort to a lot of “talking-tos”, reactive punishments, raising voices, excessive number of warnings, etc. This year I made a commitment to do what I did prior to coming to this school. I don’t care what the other teachers do anymore.
Hi Mike
I really resonate with this article. I live with a visible handicap and often staff members have a tendency to shun me and talk behind my back even though I give my best to my students every day. I hold a Specialist in teaching a foreign language (French) and I am competent at what I do. How on Earth can we preach anti-bullying and inclusivity when we can’t even respect ourselves as a school team? This boggles my mind! I will stay strong and positive and continue to inspire my student admist all the negativity.
Bur let’s say I’m not OK feeling better about having a great classroom in a s^^t school. After all, someone’s kids are in those other classrooms. My kids are going to some of those classrooms. I might even see lots to admire in those other rooms. Seems like it would be better to model the cooperation and problem-solving techniques we demand of the kids.
This happened to me my very first two years of teaching. I shared a special ed room with another teacher, and we worked with our own students. The older teacher with 20 years experience started bad rumors about me. They were so ridiculous it was actually laughable. My aide overheard her talking to other teachers about me. She also had lots of snide remarks towards me. Other teachers actually told me it was because I made her look bad, because I was a better teacher than her already, and I was young and pretty and my students loved me. Thankfully after two years I was given my own room. I was able to ignore her better. She kept it up all six years I was at that school.
Mine was a parent who said I terrified and traumatized her daughter for calling her out when she would talk to other student while I was teaching.
Gee, we have something in common!! It isn’t the kids so much as the parents! I teach in a private very expensive Christian Classical School, supposedly high standards; very rigorous curriculum… it requires a lot of the 1st grade students I teach. When a child doesn’t get straight “A”s, the question is always “what is the teacher doing to upset my child”. Even the PE teacher gets phone calls when the kids get “N” – needs improvement. Totally different struggles than when I taught for Chicago Public Schools…
I’m a specialist teacher, and I LOVE teachers with great classroom management. Most of my colleagues who don’t have it are folks who have given up trying because administrators don’t back them up. They simply don’t have the energy to comply with all the demands from management *and* stand strong with admin backing aggressive parents.
I have been using SCM for a few years now. I have a difficult class this year, but I have been using my SCM plan and my students are coming around. I would have to say I am strict in the way I hold students accountable, but because of this plan, I am much more fun and we are building a strong community. Being strict does not mean you can’t be full of love and compassion. Thank you SCM for giving me the tools to love teaching again.
When the classroom is safe and supportive for students and teachers alike, then the staffroom and beyond should really complement the classroom environment. If they do not, then we simply goto the classroom and focus on what really counts, learning.
Love the article Mike! So practical ☕
PS in the words of the Thermians, “never give up, never surrender”
Jeff, sorry to burst your bubble, but this article is spot on. I’ve personally experienced this jealousy, peer envy and back-stabbing. At first I thought: “Is it my breath?” After many breath mints, I realized they’re envious. My management mirrors what Smart Classroom Management advocates. My priority is to build strong relationships and class community and the added unexpected bonus is: I have the highest test scores in our district. Parents who value education request me by name. I’ve taught for over two decades and can testify that some teachers do treat others with envious disregard. They enjoyed back-biting me on social media, and some parents joined in. They called me strict, old-school, a control freak and much more. Recently, I changed schools for this very reason. So sad, but so true.
It isn’t my colleagues that object to my classroom management which is based on SCM. It is some of the parents who feel that expecting 100% compliance 100% of the time is negative and harsh. I teach 1st grade in an elite private Christian school, PK-12th, which makes it even more difficult. The method works very well with my class, and I rarely have any behavior difficulties after the first several weeks when I am very firm about implementation. However, when occasion requires parental involvement, I have had parents who have never requested their child(ren) apologize, act respectfully to staff, or improve their behavior. They feel it is “my fault” for being to “strict”.
I really like this article! Another teacher was telling her friends on our staff that I’m not good at class management. This is because, instead of screaming at kids, I give them consequences. One day, a student of mine with disabilities was throwing a tantrum. This teacher, who believes screaming at kids is good class management, came in my classroom and started screaming at the student. I’m sure she was hoping to tell her buddies that SHE was able to get that student under control. LOL…the student screamed right back at her. It was pretty funny to watch.
Lol
I’m glad I don’t teach at a school with people like that. Yikes! I prefer my family-like, supportive atmosphere. Custodians, cooks, teaching assistants, teachers, office staff, principal, all on the same team.
Why did my comment get deleted? I feel like this article is too adversarial. I agree that teachers act this way but if you’re confident in what you’re doing I don’t understand why you can’t have compassion for them instead of referring them as vampires. They are insecure. Would you treat insecure students the same way?
I do recommend taking the high road, but also offer a solution for colleagues trying to sabotage you, embarrass you, and ruin your career. I stand by referring to them as vampires.
Fair enough. I’m fine with respectfully disagreeing here. No use in trying to change anyone’s mind.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.
Your article has come at the perfect time and helped me so much to know I’m not the only one. I am more than weary from the curious undermining and belittling from one person, and even worse, the influence they seem to have on some others. Your suggestions tell me I’m on the right path. Thanks for the encouragement to keep doing our best, quietly giving our all for the kids, and to shine on.
For all those who are told they are too strict… while of course you must enforce 100% consistently, make sure you are also being 100% consistently kind and pleasant! Structure and routine are taken much better by students when they feel their teacher likes them and takes interest in them. I smile and chat (obviously during break time) with my students, and I never get any complaints about being too strict after the first few days!
Remember great work is often looked down on. However, those who want to gain a great school over all will want to copy your method. It is only a matter of time. You should be an active part of as many of the talk sessions as possible, therefore you are taking part in the discussion and not left out to be discussed. Share with your principal methods that are working for you or not working well and maybe the principal can pass it along with the other teachers. Most of the schools in today’s society have adopted a plan for order and control unique to their school. Each teacher must work to carry out the plan with 100% accuracy.
Thank you, yes. But what if one of those people is your teacher assistant who is in the classroom with you all day, every day. Constantly undermining, criticizing, questioning….. I am exhausted. And not because of the children…..