We want parents involved, of course.
But when they overstay their welcome, when they hang around your door and talk and talk (and talk), about everything under the sun, it can be aggravating.
It can keep you from your work, add more stress to your day, and prevent you from going home at a decent hour.
It’s as if they don’t comprehend that you have a life outside of school.
So what can you do about it?
Keep your relationship ultra-professional.
Here’s how.
Ask “How can I help you?”
When a parent approaches to talk, always say kindly, “How can I help you?” This causes them to get right to the point and lets them know that you remain in teacher mode even outside the presence of students.
Along with a professional tone and body language, it also establishes the relationship from the beginning. Thus, you’ll find henceforth that they’ll respect your time and space.
Require an appointment.
If it’s a quick question or concern you can address in a few sentences, then answer succinctly. If not, if a parent wants to discuss their child’s progress, for example, then be ready to schedule them an appointment.
You can also ask if they’re willing to wait until conference week.
Being available to parents anytime they wish opens the door to being taken advantage of. While some will be respectful of your time, others will exploit it for all its worth.
Close your door.
An open door means you’re available to talk. Closing it is a form of saying no, which is a key to being a happy and effective teacher. It allows you to focus efficiently on your work, so you can head home to recharge.
When the last student leaves for the day, stand in the doorway to quickly address any parent waiting to speak, then head in and close the door behind you.
Speak at the door.
If a parent sneaks in at the end of the day, then walk them to the door first and talk there. This sends a subconscious message that you’ve got work to do.
It lets them know that your classroom is a place of business. It also says very subtly that you can be trusted to make the right decisions for their child’s education.
Never gossip.
Gossiping with parents will always come back to bite you. Because, if they’re gossiping with you, they’re also gossiping with others—revealing your juicy news and scuttlebutt.
And while those parents you laugh and chitchat with may love you as a person, you’re revealing yourself to be less than disciplined and professional enough to be a strong teacher.
Don’t be friends.
Being friends with parents, at least as long as their child is in your class, will cause you to be less than impartial. Even if you fight against this tendency, it will affect your assessment of their child.
It will affect how you describe strengths and weaknesses.
Your friendship can also anger other parents. At the very least, it will raise eyebrows and open you to questions of fairness, playing favorites, and other unethical behavior.
You Deserve Respect
As long as you’re polite, following the guidelines above will garner greater respect from parents. They’ll automatically treat you with more reverence, politeness, and courtesy.
They’ll appreciate your boundaries and professionalism and have a deeper trust in your decisions. They won’t gossip and grumble about you, but instead will eagerly sing your praises.
—Especially if you’re a follower of the SCM approach.
Maintaining a professional stature does take some discipline, but it makes your teaching life so much easier. It frees up your time. It eliminates drama and stress.
It improves your reputation and ensures you experience a level of respect all teachers deserve.
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This is all very helpful! Any guidance on how to handle helicopter parents who excessively send emails about your class/their child’s work? I have this one mom who sends me at least 4 paragraphs in an email once or twice a week.
I too am eager to hear your take on how to manage this as it’s a challenge that seems to be becoming more common each year. Thanks for your great articles, I find them really helpful.
Thank you for this article. I’m an educator in the private sector in Malaysia and I resonate with the last two paragraphs before ‘You Deserve Respect’. Many times I am caught in a place where I find myself struggling to recalibrate consciously and hold back my tongue.
Unfortunately, parents can be extremely manipulative with their actions and words. I would say I am successful 90% of the time in avoiding being caught in the net of deception but the other 10%, I sometimes slip because of frustration -with the system/school.
Thanks again for the reminder. I will continue to do my best to remain professional yet kind as an educator to both with parents and students alike. This website is like a gold mine of golden nuggets! 😀
I couldn’t find a promo code, but would love an audio copy of The Total Classroom Management Makeover. Thank you!!!
Please email me, Denise.
I am not a certified teacher, but I think every person can be a teacher in some way. Church groups, families and extended family, neighbors, coworkers-we all interact, and experience some form of the things you teach about in our relationships. I find your advice in your books and posts to be very insightful, and tools to educate my interactions with others. Thank you for your thoughtful insights and the refining I experience as I study and practice them.
Hi Micheal,
Another good article. I would like to have your views on the following situation.
How to help a student who craves attention all the time, will do anything to get it. Expects everyone to do things for him, does not respect his property or anyone elses property. He use his cuteness to get out of trouble. Pretends to play with others but is just running around with the kids. He is good at studies when he applies himself however he will participate sometimes to see everyone’s reaction. How to help him remember to respect himself and others around him?
Probably not the kids fault originally and he is just playing the game that he has been raised in.
What he needs is to earn genuine respect for his efforts, and he needs to respect the work he’s set… he needs to feel he’s been stretched, preferably with a good dose of intellectually challenging team activities, say some good quizzes and board slap/running games, etc.
Michael, Now that we are going to on-line lessons, our district has asked us to personally contact every parent/guardian of our students. How do you keep the same guidelines in place for phone calls?
First start by blocking your cell number I believe it’s *67. We were instructed to only talk if we block.
Another great article, however, my issue with a parent who calls my classroom during the day and expects me to answer even though I’m teaching. One day he called 4 times in an hour and left one message. Thank goodness for caller ID because I only answer if it’s the office all others can wait until recess or after school. My students have asked why I don’t answer it, I tell them I only answer for the office all others can leave a message because my students are more important. I’ve sent notes home to send me an email or call during specific ti med but this one parent continues to call while I’m teaching.
Helpful article. Once, I had a parent who came to the presentation of the movie project we have made and the parent wanted to discuss the grade of his child. This parent went on for 20 minutes and because of that I missed a part of the presentation. Next time a similar situation comes, I will give the parent an appointement.
Hi Michael,
Thank you for your amazing, empowering articles every week. I am teaching for a few years using may of your methodologies and seeing so much success. I was wondering if you would you be able to write an article focusing on the current teaching situation- Virtual Teaching via Zoom or Google Meet? Are there any methods that can help and are we meant to hold students accountable on our video lessons, and if yes, how?
Thank you again!
Haha! I have a parent who is so sweet, love her, but she talks so much, backs up our car pool line! Thanks for the tips!
Thanks for inviting our requests during these times. As an NYC teacher who’s been teaching via conference for a week already, I’m craving for any ideas to help with this new format of teaching (a whole class!) of middle elementary school kids where the teacher’s presence is comparably limited, and we know that some students are totally tuning out but there are much fewer ways to re-engage them. Especially as state testing is being suspended, etc. there’s an even greater lack of accountability!
Additionally, speaking of “Happy Teachers”, these calls can be more physically exhausting and demand more prep than of the normal classroom…
Any input?!
Thanks for all you articles and info!
All great advice thank you.
Warm regards.
Great article as usual! I agree with everything you said. I work in a small, suburban community where most people move less than 5 miles from where they grew up, myself included. Because of that, I am teaching the children of people I have known for 20+ years. It’s difficult to stay objectively impartial when you’re asking how each other’s parents and siblings are doing. Thoughts?