In the past five years, a new classroom management strategy has taken hold.
The goal of this strategy is to calm and soothe the fragile psyches of the most difficult students.
The way it works is that whenever they begin to feel overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, or excitable (i.e. for any reason they wish), they may leave the classroom.
In many cases, there is a designated cooling off room they can go to.
Staffed with an aide or counselor, they chill out on bean bag chairs eating animal crackers, playing with stuffed toys, or staring at an iPad. In other cases, they roam the halls unfettered.
It’s a terrible idea because allowing mental breaks very effectively tells them . . .
They’re not good enough.
Why else would they be given the opportunity to avoid dealing with their emotions unless there was something wrong with them?
By saying ‘You can go to this special place whenever you need to’ you’re giving them proof from an authoritative source that they can’t control themselves. This is a devastating message.
It all but guarantees that they’ll never improve. In fact, it provides a ready-made excuse to misbehave and throw tantrums with greater frequency.
They can walk away from responsibilities.
Is the math too hard? Does writing an essay feel mentally taxing or frustrating? Is another student annoying? Then flee. Pull the escape hatch on your life and the problem goes away.
But having this option is ruinous for them and their future. Besides losing out on learning, they become mentally weak.
They become experts at passing the buck and evading responsibility. Thus, it’s never their fault. Everything is outside of their locus of control. They become perpetual victims and eventually very unhappy people.
They fall far behind.
Once you’ve proven to a student by letting them off the hook that they don’t measure up—which is the unmistakable message that settles deep into their subconscious—it’s very difficult to reverse. You’ve set a prophetic course few will ever alter.
With each passing month (and year), this belief they have about themselves becomes more and more ingrained. And they fall further and further behind academically and emotionally.
Sadly, it isn’t even based on reality. It’s a false perception others have foisted upon them. The only way out is a life-altering event or a teacher, coach, or adult who says “No! It’s not true. I see something in you.”
Who Really Benefits
Mental breaks don’t benefit the student. They benefit the teacher who can get them out of the classroom.
They benefit the principal who can say they’re doing something to help.
They benefit the counselor and behavior specialist who can pretend that because the student leaves instead of misbehaving, they’re good at their job.
So we pass Jeremy or Jasmine along from one grade to the next, appeasing and coddling them until they’re long forgotten. Until the inevitability of reality finally strikes at 18 or 20 years of age.
When it hits them.
It was all a lie.
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Does this apply to kindergarten also?
Yes! Absolutely as a former kinder teacher of 7 yrs and now as a 2nd grader. Experienced this first hand!!!
Sometimes breaks are built into an IEP or 504. I don’t like this because we are now dealing with the aftermath of this in my 20 year old. Recently she told us she wants to stop going to community college, and is now starting a full time job this week. I’m worried she won’t even be able to handle a full time job, as she’s never had one. (Only part time, and the longest shift she’s ever worked is 5 hours). She’s about halfway to an associates and at this rate it’s going to take her a few years to finish. I know that 504s can help, but in her case it just swept her along her senior year. It did my daughter no favors. She still has trouble focusing.
So what do we do instead when an early elementary student doesn’t want to do the work?
Advocate for support IN the classroom.
Right! That’s the million dollar question- and no answer is provided.
Have you looked? We’ve provided an answer again and again.
https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2025/10/17/student-who-doesnt-work/
https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2022/02/18/how-to-handle-a-student-who-does-zero-work/
https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2019/08/24/students-who-dont-do-any-work/
There are a lot more like these in the Learning & Independence category of the archive.
This is so true. It’s all about the adults and not what is best for the student.
Yes….absolutely. As a sub (including several long-term sub assignments), I’ve seen how such students have come to expect such coddling in our modern feel-good system of educating, as well as teachers’ and admin’s fear of students not being their “friend”. But…I’ve also seen something amazing in the “alternative” (aka “bad kids”) schools. There, many (most?) of the students behave quite well and actually are eager to learn. I noticed that real live old-fashioned “class discussion” and “class participation” are done a LOT more in alternative schools, instead of students having rapid snippets of unbroken quick bytes of the subject thrown at them for the period. I think—in addition, of course, to strong effective classroom management—it has to start in kindergarten and the early elementary grades, plus support from a strong Admin.
Michael!!! This is so good
Unfortunately, we see many schools getting it wrong.
So how do we come back from this practice?
I would like the answer to this as well. As a special education teacher, I struggle with the way this “break” is being used. Students need explicit instruction on how to recognize emotions, regulate themselves, and continue working through discomfort. Right now, many students have limited skills for getting along with others. They avoid peers they do not like, and they often cannot explain why. They also frequently view “breaks” and “free time” as something they should get every day instead of staying engaged in learning.
WOW! Does this ring true for me!! I have such a student in 5th grade and when he came to me was allowed to leave them room whenever he wanted for 1-2 minute break…which was NEVER 1-2 minutes.
After speaking with mom, and letting her know how far behind he was due to leaving the classroom 5-6 times each day, we agreed not to let him go as frequently and changed where he was allowed to go. Now, in 3rd quarter, he rarely leaves the classroom, and when he does it’s for the bathroom only. I praise him when I see him working hard and giving effort. I support him in class. He is seen and I give him the help he needs on his work. He is a different kid than he was in August. And he is smart!! I don’t think he ever knew this about himself. He is behind because he missed so much in previous years.
No, he is not 100% turned around. We still have moments and bad days, but they are few and far between. As long as I don’t lower my emotions to that of a 10 year old, (and sometimes I do!) I can successfully talk him out of his bad place. Usually all that entails is telling him what I expect, what he CAN do, and walking away. I am not about to get in a “pissing contest” with a 5th grader because that makes them think its ok to talk back.
It has been a journey with him this year, and I am just so glad to be validated that these “breaks” are not helpful at all. Thank you Michael and SCM for teaching me how to handle this situation with grace and authority!
Hi Michael,
Yes, I think we’re ALL frustrated by this situation with difficult and unmanageable students. However, we do it because there is no viable alternative provided.
I have 2 groups of 30 students who all have needs of varying degrees, so I can’t stop everything and counsel this one kid to “stick with it and persevere.” It’s unrealistic and ineffective.
And btw, why do teachers always get dumped on for all of society’s ills? What about this kid’s parents? Why haven’t they taught him the life skills he needs to manage in society?
With the pressures we have on us to teach and have kids learn, I am going to focus on the ones who are receptive to feedback and are making progress.
Then, dealing with parents…who will demand the coddling?
I absolutely agree with your ideas, Michael.
In simplified behavior intervention, we are taught there are three essential reasons students act out: for attention, for control, or for escape. This is serving up excape on a silver platter.
So what is your recommendation instead?
I am very interested in this subject and would like some useful strategies that DON’T include sending the student out if the classroom. I understand they why but now I need the HOW. How do I as the teacher deal with the overwhelmed student and save his/her dignity.
Absolutely! We are creating a generation of students who cannot tolerate uncomfortable emotions, a key part of emotional regulation and essential to help them meet the Social-Emotional Benchmarks that many states have put into place post-pandemic. My Juniors are doing a short unit on the American Dream and part of that unit is to examine different generations and how the American Dream may have changed slightly over time, given social and economic factors. The upcoming generation is often nicknamed “Generation Glass” because of their inability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and that they are “triggered” so easily.
Thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking for years! If a student gets a little rattled and wants to leave the classroom, I say no because they need to learn to regulate themself in the moment, when they are in the spot that threw them off. That’s life.
Do I support them while they figure it out? Of course. I support them with presence, grounding strategies , and other things that might give them the edge they need to get ahead of the big feeling. But unless I’m mandated to do so (by an IEP or 504 plan), I have them sit right there and work it out. In the short term, I’m mean. In the long term, I’m the teacher that gave them what they needed to learn how to handle themselves.
Hello,
I am a high school student, and this practice has produced a group of high school students who believe they are entitled to wander the halls, avoid class, and put off work until some unnamed “other” time. We have a group of secondary students right now who have no executive functioning skills and no interest in learning them, and I am beginning to think that my entire career as a secondary ELA teacher is pointless because students cheat, refuse to learn or think deeply because “I can just look it up,” and don’t take my subject matter seriously. Put this on top of their belief that they can just do whatever they want whenever they want with or without permission, and it is impossible to do my job.
Honestly, this one is so frustrating. Breaks get put into an IEP and no matter whether it’s good for the student or not, I have to follow the IEP. I feel like so often, as teachers, our hands are tied. It doesn’t seem to matter that we know things aren’t right, I’m still expected to do the thing that I know is not going to help my students.