No, you’re not going to say “I forgive you.”
You’re going to offer your forgiveness to misbehaving students internally. That is, within yourself.
This is a powerful classroom management strategy that can be a game-changer for both you and your students.
Here’s why:
It relieves a mountain of stress.
When you decide to forgive every student for misbehavior ahead of time, before they can even break any rules, they lose the power to get under your skin.
This can only happen if you allow your classroom management plan to do its job without your interference or inconsistency.
It eliminates resentment.
If you can’t forgive students for disrupting your class—ergo, it affects you emotionally—you will resent them. Just seeing them will annoy you.
And they’ll know it. It’s something you can’t hide. The result is that they’ll dislike you right back. Forgiveness repairs this relationship.
You’ll naturally like your students.
When you decide to forgive, you’re free to like your students regardless of their day-to-day behavior. In fact, doing so becomes natural.
It also triggers the Law of Reciprocity. Meaning, they’ll like you too. They’ll even want to please you and show you better behavior.
It makes your consequences matter.
When students don’t like you, they’ll blame you for their misbehavior instead of reflecting on it and taking responsibility.
If they like you, on the other hand, the opposite happens. They’ll feel it, grasp their wrongdoing, and choose to improve all on their own.
It feels good.
Forgiveness makes you happier. Research shows that anxiety drops, blood pressure lowers, and you sleep better.
Multiply it by however many students get on your nerves and your stress level will plummet.
How to Forgive
The question is, how? How do you forgive misbehavior when anger arrives out of nowhere, seemingly out of your control?
The answer is within your own free will.
You see, forgiveness is choice. Nothing more. You don’t have to work yourself up to it. You don’t have to fight to acquire it. You don’t have to meditate into emotional detachment.
You just need to decide to offer free and unconditional forgiveness. Think of it as a promise you make to yourself.
Yes, you may slip up a time or two. No big deal. It will get easier with time. In fact, if you stay with it, if you remind yourself to forgive each morning, eventually you won’t even have to think about it anymore.
It will become who you are and how you carry yourself.
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Wonderful article. It is what I live by. Walking in forgiveness. It really takes a load off.
PS
Just a couple typos. teehee.
I forgive you ❤️
Yes, i have found this to be true. And then they try harder for you. I teach seven grade levels a day. A class was talking out of turn and one said “Mrs F we are probably one of your worst classes” and i responded “but i love you anyway” and you could see how relieved they all felt. The next day they were like “lets try really hard for Mrs F” and turned it around taking turns reading out loud. What I struggle with is i showed disrespect in one class because they keep getting zero right on multiple choice math tests. Then i tried to systematically show the kids how to do them eliminating the wrong choices and trying them all out rather than randomly circling an answer. I really feel they are overwhelmed not just being lazy to not write out the problems. They would have a better chance if i did workbooks for grade levels below but im mandated to do grade level. How can i repair the damage and show i still believe in them and respect them? They feel they can’t do it. What should i do? Test at grade 2 but in grade 5. I really am trying but recent lessons (division, fractions) are not succeeding. Interventionist here. Anyone have thoughts? Forgiveness plus respect/faith?
So interesting that you’re an interventionist yet you’re required to teach the grade level…. Is there anyone doing remedial (below grade level/Tier 3) work at your school? I’m a special Ed 4th/5th grade multi-grade mild-moderate disabilities self-contained classroom teacher here who has to teach the grade level curriculum as well–I wanted to share in regards to the academic side… If I have anything to give I would say help them by using manipulatives, visuals, and real-world examples at every juncture. It is absolutely worth spending the time. Also, you can “expose” them to the essential learning from gen-ed curriculum but then spend some time in smaller skill-focused groups every day remediating skills if you’re able. Ms. Phillips in 5th on YouTube has a great video on setting expectations. I hope this is helpful to you 🙂
Yes— forgive them—in your heart—learn from what happened, and move on, staying focused on teaching and (if you’re a sub, as I am) delivering the teacher’s lesson plan, encouraging classroom discussion where appropriate, and motivating the students to work on the assignments. If the offending students see they are getting to you (via your unforgiving, stressed-out demeanor), they likely will only increase their negative behavior. Forgiving is a win-win all around.
I appreciate the strategies promoted here and they generally work. However I still have students that I have followed the classroom management plan and they still take it to an extreme level (shouting while in “time out”) and yes I had students model what it looks like to sit quietly there. Yesterday I sent a student out of the classroom for this behavior (his parent had been contacted multiple times, no response), and to the office. The principal immediately walked him back to my classroom (I’m an elementary art teacher by the way) so I sent him back to the time out desk to fill out a self reflection. He did stop yelling at this point but I am all ready pre-forgiving him for the next round. This is giving me nightmares. What am I doing wrong?
Dear Mr. Linsin,
The principle of forgiveness in the classroom from teacher to student, consistently and intentionally applied, as so eloquently stated in your article, has served me well since 1988. It has proven effective in the inner city, amongst rich scientists’ kids, in the heartland and coast, with homeless kids and offenders, in essence it’s a universal dynamic. God’s way with kids is always best. It is our job to welcome the Holy Spirit into our hearts and classrooms daily and get out of His Way as He leads.
Thank you, for quite possibly, the most insightful article on teaching I have come across. This is what should be a required topic of study in our colleges of education. I have witnessed superb educators who employ forgiveness biblically and their careers absolutely “sing”.
Need helpful hints for substitute teachers
This is such a great article. I currently have a student teacher and am trying to guide her to realize that student behavior is rarely about us and that every day is a fresh start. I find it easy to forgive students, but I’ve been teaching for decades. I’m sure when I was younger, I took misbehavior more personally. Live and learn, I suppose.
This article beautifully reframes forgiveness as a “professional choice”, not an “emotional weakness”. Pre-forgiving students protects our calm, preserves relationships, and allows consequences to do their work without resentment getting in the way. When teachers release anger and trust their plan, students feel it, and behavior improves naturally. This is a powerful reminder that the most effective classroom management often starts within us.
Beautiful take away! Thanks for sharing.