All students want to like their teacher.
But most of them don’t.
The main reason isn’t because they find them boring. It isn’t because they think they’re too strict or too uptight. It’s isn’t even because their teacher is cringy, nerdy, and uncool.
Before I share why so many teachers are disliked, it’s important to point out that it is indeed critical that your students do like you—especially in this day and age. The reason is because it gives you powerful influence over their behavior.
You see, when they like you, they’ll want to please you.
It’s the Law of Reciprocity in action, and it happens naturally. Other than being liked, there is nothing else you have to do. And the more your students like you, the stronger your influence.
This is something I’ve been writing about for years. In fact, there is a chapter on the topic in my first book, Dream Class, which was published back in 2009.
So, why are so many teachers disliked?
Because they TRY to build relationships.
Meaning, they go to students to connect with them on a personal level. They attempt to get to know them one-on-one as individuals. They learn their likes and dislikes and force their way into a conversation.
They’ve bought into the lie that influence is a function of building personal relationships with students.
It is not.
Human nature doesn’t work that way. The reality is, if you approach students with the goal of improving your rapport and influence, you’re going to do the opposite. They’re going to feel awkward, annoyed, and smothered.
Sure, they may force a smile. They may feign a positive reaction. But inside they’re squirming. It feels weird and uncomfortable to them. This has always been the case. However, it’s become more profound post-Covid and smart phone addiction.
So then how do you do it? How do you build strong, behavior-influencing likability with students without approaching them?
You let them come to you.
And they will if you do just one thing: Be consistently pleasant. That’s all. Just be the same calm and pleasant teacher every day and they will seek you out.
They’ll want to be around you and ask you (personal) questions. They’ll invite you to lunch. They’ll want to to joke with you, give you fist bumps, and talk about the funny things you say during class.
You become a red-carpet celebrity they can’t get enough of. Though simple, it’s very powerful and the only method of relationship building I’ve ever done.
A common question is “What if some students don’t come to you?” It still works. They’ll still like you and be influenced by you because of your consistent pleasantness.
This form of likability works even if you don’t know your students very well personally.
There is a lot to this topic, and you may have questions. I encourage you to visit the Rapport & Influence category of the SCM archive where you’ll find dozens of articles that address this concept from different angles.
Most of our books also get into specifics.
But just know that if you’re consistently pleasant, and nothing more, you’ll build staggering levels of influence and real rapport.
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