“You’re picking on my child.”
“I don’t agree with your consequences.”
“You may not put my son in time-out.”
Perhaps you’ve heard these and other similar sentiments from parents who resist your accountability approach to classroom management.
The reason is that the sun rises and sets upon their golden child.
Nevaeh or Jayden can do no wrong, you see. They rule the roost at home and should be able to at school as well. For our purposes, however, the why is irrelevant.
Because you must never give in.
If you agree to make special accommodations, all hope is lost. You’ll lose respect from your entire class and their behavior will disintegrate.
So what should you say when approached by a demanding parent? Here are seven proven responses.
“I don’t play favorites.”
“I follow the plan as written, no matter who breaks a rule.”
“You don’t have to agree with my consequences.”
“It’s my job to protect the safety and learning of every student, including yours.”
“Every student who reaches the second consequence goes to time-out.”
“I invite you to come watch the class.”
“The classroom management plan isn’t up for negotiation.”
The key is bluntness. Say the words and let them carry your message unadorned. Don’t explain further or ease the weight of your words. Don’t apologize. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed by what you know is best for your students.
How the parent feels about your convictions isn’t your concern.
They only need to know that you won’t budge; that complaining is fruitless. Oddly, not only are you unlikely to hear from them again, you’ll notice better and more mature behavior from their child.
Just be sure to remain polite, professional, and firm in your belief that accountability for misbehavior is good for your students.
If you hem and haw and show uncertainty and weakness, then the parent will be emboldened to double-down on their complaints. They’ll raise their voice. They’ll send lengthy emails to your principal and try to bully you into doing what they want.
In other words, you must be an iron stake in frozen ground.
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So true ! This calm and firm approach works. When pushed, I have also told parents that they have chosen to enrol their student with us, and placed their confidence in us by doing so. If they really are unhappy, they are free to home-school or choose private schooling. This is not the only option, but the option they chose.
This is not supported by public schools. Public Schools want to keep all their students enrolled, funding depends on it.
A parent emailed me, complaining about a consequence for their child.
My email is response was “Thank you for voicing your concerns. If you have any other concerns, feel free to email me again.”
I didn’t ignore and I didn’t budge. They never emailed another complaint about a consequence.
I don’t think it’s necessary to be blunt. Parents will generally thaw when they hear that you have a plan and everything is very egalitarian in terms of following the plan. That you’re not picking on their child, you are treating them with the same respect given each child. Even though they already have been informed about the plan, a reminder is helpful.
I agree!
You’re so right. I used to wish parents would just behave reasonably but unfortunately that is rare these days. Your website is perfect especially for those just starting out. There is a lot of uncertainty in the beginning. Some students (and parents) often take advantage of it.
One issue is that when parents don’t like your class management, they ask for the student to be moved to another class. The principal will acquiesce to the parents’ request. Sounds good but not for my fellow teacher who now has my child with issues ADDED to her own. Just this week, I had a father want to meet with me because I did not allow his daughter to perform at an event during instruction time because she is failing a class, and misbehaving. “No pass, no play.” He asked me how he can have her moved to another classroom.
I teach adults and this holds true for them also. Stick to the plan and the consequences it calls for.
Pride comes before destruction, a lofty spirit before the fall.
Each student is unique; what works for some is counterproductive for others.
The Blank Slate Theory is false.
Fair is not equal.
In the United States, schools are legally required to support and teach kids in ways they learn.
Parents can learn from teachers, and teachers can learn from parents, who know their child best.
Parents know their child best *at home.* I know their child best well he or she is *in my classroom.* As a parent and a long time teacher, I can tell you, there is most definitely a difference in behavior and attitude of children depending on where they are, and with whom. I have my classroom management plan, mostly based on SCM, for a good reason: it works for my students, and has for many years.
I agree with your advice wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, administration sometimes undermines the teacher. Last year, my administration literally ordered me to allow a student more study and prep time three weeks after the quarter had ended, and then told me exactly which specific test I needed to readminister and how to do it – an unfair advantage that no other student was given. The student did not have extenuating circumstances, other than failing to prepare and study during the given timeframe. This was done, not because of the student’s request, but at the demand of the parent.
Wait? How did you know two of the most troublesome students in my class? Nevaeh and Jayden are siblings. She has a twin named Heaven (Nevaeh spelled backwards) who was trouble maker also. They are in high school now, but Jayden continues to give us hell. I get no support from the Mom.☹️