How To Infuriate A Concerned Parent

A parent comes to you after school just as you’re sitting down to do some planning.

They stop and wait at the door, a look of mild concern on their face. You sigh and approach, annoyed at the interruption.

Here’s what to do if you really want to make them mad:

1. Don’t invite them in.

Make them stand where they are. Never make them feel comfortable entering your classroom. Don’t offer a chair. Skip the pleasantries. Stand directly in front of them, cross your arms, jut your hip out, and wait for them to speak first.

Note: If you’re confused by the article, please scroll to the bottom.

2. Cut them off quickly.

The biggest mistake you can make is to hear them out. The more they can provide proof of their concerns, the more dangerous it is for you. As soon as they pause, jump in and deny it. Tell them that it isn’t true, even if you have no idea.

3. Be defensive.

This will really get them turning red. No matter what they say, dismiss it out of hand. Tell them that you saw what happened or know all about it and that they’ve got it wrong. Keep your arms crossed and your tone confrontational.

4. Blame their child.

It takes two to tango. You can always find something their child did wrong. Maybe they yelled, “Leave me alone!” Maybe they pouted and “didn’t work well with others.” Find something and harp on it. This tact outflanks their complaints.

5. Don’t take responsibility.

If you take responsibility, then you’re admitting fault. You’re essentially saying that you messed up and can do better. You never want to do this. Protect your ego at all costs. Besides, you always know better.

6. Accuse them of raising their voice.

This strategy is the chef’s kiss. It will shut them down and burn their insides out. If they have any self-preservation instinct, they’ll storm off. Or, perhaps, they’ll lose control. In this case, you win. Any complaint about you, then, will be null and void.

7. Call them crazy.

For proof, tell your teacher friend next door how bat-dung crazy the parent was. “Did you hear them yelling? No wonder their child is like that.” Then, be sure to let your principal know how psycho they are just in case the parent tries to tell “lies” about you.

Honest Guidelines

Call me genius. Yes, yes, I know, hold your applause. Because, it works. The seven steps above work exceptionally and devastatingly well.

However, at the risk of my own ego, I can’t take credit.

The credit lies with a secret subset of teachers who’ve honed the craft of quickly shutting down and dispensing annoying parents (while at the same time raising their own self-importance).

It’s an approach used not only by these mephistophelians, but also unhappy apartment office managers, DMV clerks, and AT&T.

I’m being facetious, of course.

If you see even a hint of yourself in any of the seven steps, I want you to know that parents aren’t your enemy and there are honest guidelines you can follow that are easy to follow and will ensure their love and appreciation for you.

We have several articles on the topic right here on the SCM website. Check out the Handling Parents category of our archive or use the search bar at top.

For a more complete approach, however, there is a chapter devoted to the topic in my newest book Unstressed.

PS – To be clear, of course I’m not recommending that you anger parents. The article is a literary device intended to make a strong point.

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