When a student misbehaves, giving them a reminder or otherwise letting them off the hook can feel like the right thing to do.
Because we’re compassionate.
Students have a history. Some have been through a lot. Mistakes happen and we want to believe they’ll appreciate our gift of grace. We want to believe that they’ll return the favor with good behavior.
But compassion in the moment is a feeling that doesn’t always reflect reality. In matters of accountability, someone always pays. If not the misbehaving student, then everyone else.
You pay because the rest of your class will rightly conclude that you’re unfair. You don’t do what you say and thus can’t be trusted.
Your class pays because inconsistency, for any reason, results in a worsening of all-class behavior. It emboldens disrespect, disruption, and inattentiveness. Worst of all, learning suffers.
And although the misbehaving student doesn’t pay in the form of immediate accountability, they do pay eventually and in ways that are far more injurious to them.
Without the opportunity to learn from their misbehavior, they’re destined to repeat it again and again.
Looking the other way also labels them. It tells them they can’t, that they’re different and not good enough, and that you don’t believe in them. Their classmates too begin to view them as less able.
No matter what your heart says, the most compassionate thing you can do in response to misbehavior is follow through on your promises without second thought. Refer to your plan, enforce the consequence, and get on with it.
Consistency is compassion.
It cares for the betterment of the class, for learning, and for what is best for all students long term. It’s a level of care deeper than feeling and willing to make the tougher call.
Teaching is hard. The temptation of inconsistency is strong, especially when you’re tired or stressed.
The point of the article is to remember the stakes. It’s to rest assure that you’re doing the right thing even as your heart melts. It’s to reinforce the importance of commitment beforehand.
Pulling up your socks, being a leader worth following, doing the hard thing.
PS – My new book Unstressed: How to Teach Without Worry, Fear, and Anxiety is now available. Click here to learn more.
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Thank you! I needed to hear that.
Thank you!
My administration needs to read this. This is exactly what happens at our middle school. Even our PD suggests we enable them. We did the “privilege walk” to underline how we should be more compassionate and understanding of their backgrounds, making sure they feel they “belong”.