Not much fires a teacher up more than a student talking back. It has a special way of getting under the skin because . . .
It’s blatantly disrespectful.
It typically happens in front of the class.
It directly challenges your authority.
How you handle it goes a long way toward discouraging it from happening again. And not with just this one student, but also with the rest of your class.
The best way to deal with talking back is to avoid it to begin with. Follow your classroom management plan the same way every time—calmly and predictably—so you never catch a student surprised.
When they know they’ve broken a rule, and know you’re going to follow through, then the chances of a negative response are slim.
However, let’s say it happens. You give a warning and the student talks back.
I recommend five steps:
1. Turn away.
If you stand there and eyeball the student, then you’re either going to show how angry it makes you or say something you’ll regret.
2. Ignore for now.
Go back to whatever you were doing. This will calm you and the student down and turn the class’ attention to something else.
3. Wait.
Allow the student to consider they made a mistake. When you don’t respond right away, it prompts reflection and often regret. Wait at least ten minutes.
4. Enforce.
When the time feels right based on your teacherly sense, approach the student and enforce the next consequence for being disrespectful. Then walk away.
5. Contact.
Brazen disrespect must be reported to parents—not so much as an added consequence but because parents have a right to know.
Refrain
Resist the urge to pull the student aside for a talking-to, lecture, or the like. Have no discussion whatsoever. Allow your classroom management plan to do its job without your interference.
It covers disrespect.
Also, and this is critical, show no emotional reaction. It’s a bad moment for them. So let it be. Don’t let them off the hook by justifying their disrespect of you.
If they feel you deserve it, then they won’t learn anything from the experience. They’ll only learn a lesson if you respond like a leader worth looking up to.
I recommend this strategy for elementary students as well as high school. Yes, at the most challenging schools. Yes, in this day and age. In fact, it’s more important now than ever before.
If you have questions, please leave below and I’ll put them on the list of future topics or cover them in a video.
PS – I’ll be taking next week off for Thanksgiving, but will be back the following week with a new article.
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Hi
Can you give examples, please?
Example of a classroom management plan to follow a disrespectful student behavior
What about the student who stops short of brazen disrespect, but challenges you with “why” every time you ask them to do something, or is otherwise trying to prompt an argument. I explained my rationale the first few times they asked, but now it’s clearly disrespectful.
https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2017/10/07/disrespectful-student-questioning-teacher/
https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2014/11/08/how-to-handle-disrespectful-students-who-dont-know-theyre-being-disrespectful/
Hi Michael
I own a school in South Africa and my staff and I follow your advice and plan. We also experience the ‘no consequences to actions’ kids here. Along with the three warnings for disrespect we send the students out of class and they stand at the wall of contemplation, they are not allowed to move or they get another one. For the students who are on the more hyper side, this really gets to them. We leave them at the wall for approximately 10 mins or so and whatever they have missed, then becomes homework. We call the student to return to class but say nothing. This has been working for us thus far. As you say consistency is key. Also thank you for your insights and advice. They are appreciated.
You’re welcome, Sandi. I’m glad the advice has been helpful.
Same question
In most cases, calls home for disrespect do nothing. Suspensions and detentions do nothing. The students continue to reoffend because consequences don’t affect them. This is our new reality in middle school.
You state this works at elementary and high school. What about at the most challenging age for this kind of behavior, middle school?
As a substitute teacher, I follow the regular teacher’s sub plan regarding classroom rules, I write those rules on the board, and I state the rules to the students. If the teacher left no such rules in the sub plan, then I use my classroom management plan similar to Michael’s, and I agree with his approach in this article. Generally, I give two verbal warnings. If a third warning would be needed, I give a written referral of the student to admin. For a truly unruly student (gross profanity or vulgarity; outright insubordination such as refusal to follow a written school policy such as removal of a hat), I call the office and request to have the student immediately removed from the classroom. Removal is rare and unfortunate, but it works. I leave a note to the teacher of any problems and the actions I took.
I have a very few back talkers. When I scan the room to look at other student reactions, largely there is “cringe” in their body language. ‘That kid’ is known and tolerated by his/her peers, but only by so much. If they can do it we can, too. I try to gesture and say “stop” at the same time and move the class through the short instruction portion, then wrap up. Move on to the assignment and most kids will move with me. The others will go along very soon. My biggest offender is a nut case in math, but then completely on task in science. I am a math teacher teaching one section of science, ‘just for this year’. You’d think I’d be a sitting duck for the second class, having this kid for two 7th grade instructional periods in a row. I am not. I am POSITIVE he has high math anxiety from prior poor adult relationships and a poor math self confidence. I try to use your techniques to the best of my ability, and it helps. It also preserves my sanity by NOT getting into a useless, crazy power struggle. And mental health is EVERYTHING. Thank you for your work.
We often forget that they act up because they probably cannot access learning. Such a good reminder.
I will often respond to disrespect (elementary age) by saying, “Can you say that more respectfully?” Often they are expressing frustration or are upset by something. If they repeat the disrespect, I will ask, “Would you like an example of how to say that more respectfully?” They will often say yes. Then I model a respectful way to have their voice heard and have them repeat it in a calm voice. Then we move on with our day. They want to feel heard – so teach them the right way to go about it.
I love this!
Such a good strategy.
Remembering that elementary kiddos may not have good models at home, or just need a better way to say something is fabulous. Thanks for the reminder. 4th grade teacher
This IS the best comment on here. I ask the student, “Would you like to try that again?” However, I like that you pin point respect, then model it if needed. Brilliant. I seldom have a student not course correct. Usually his or her first disrespectful comment is enough to feel heard and then most kids want to course correct. I also feel like I name the disrespect which eliminates feeling like a doormat and lets other students know it is unacceptable.
I love this approach. Now to remember it!
I recently had this happen with a couple of 11th graders. I happened to notice that they were friends with a 9th grader who was really being disruptive. It just sort of happened that I asked them if they could do me a favor and help out by talking to the freshman. It somehow created an environment where we are now on the same team & although they’re not perfect they are behaving better.
All this said, yes, I totally agree with this article & still give them consequences when they are disrespectful. In a way, it builds respect. They may say they don’t like it but they respect me for being consistent. I’ve told them it’s just my job to have a functional class…nothing personal. They get it.
I have a classroom management system in place in my room but at my school, there are no consequences for disregarding rules unless it is an extreme offense….
It is so frustrating – they end up practicing the rule at recess but they are the ones who need recess most!
As a substitute teacher I have a special “trick” to help curb misbehavior/disrespect. I use Smart Classroom Management guidelines in that after a student has received three warnings, I place them in timeout. (For some reason, when I add that this is kind of like baseball, “three strikes and you’re out,” students really resonate with that concept.) That is precisely the moment I tell the rest of the class that we’re going to play a game or do something special. Inevitably the student in timeout will ask if they can play. Of course I respond “no” because they are in timeout. Not being able to participate and having to watch all their friends having fun gives the student pause and sends a message to the rest of the students that if they misbehave they won’t be able to join their classmates in another fun activity should there be one. Ultimately, you want all your students to love being a part of your class, so they will do their best to control themselves and follow classroom expectations. Smart Classroom Management drills this message home, and it’s the best way to have a pleasant teaching experience.