The SCM principle of being consistently pleasant has many and tremendous benefits. Chief among them is that it builds effortless rapport.
By taking on an easygoing, good-humored disposition, your students will come to you and want to get to know you better. This in turn makes the relationship easy, organic, and powerfully influential.
But you can still mess it up.
You can still say the wrong thing. You can still make students feel awkward and disappointed and thus weaken your influence. So what follows are three guidelines to ensure that when your students do approach you, your rapport only gets stronger.
1. Listen
Always let the student guide the conversation. Be a backboard and respond to them by asking light questions. Be curious and open and they will talk and talk.
Never under any circumstance use your conversation as an opportunity to talk to them about their behavior or academics or anything related to how they’re doing in your class.
The most important key to remember is to have zero ulterior motives or strings attached. Few adults actually listen to kids. So when you do, your likability and sway will soar.
2. Be Real
Too many teachers overact when trying to build rapport with students. They exaggerate their smiles, facial expressions, and body language.
They crank up their enthusiasm, talk too much and too loud, and work way too hard. It’s unnatural and a definite turn off to students, even of primary age.
Stop trying to please or sell your students on anything. Instead, relax. Be matter-of-fact. You can even be kindly gruff. Respond casually and authentically and let the conversation breathe.
3. Be Honest
Of course there are things you won’t reveal about yourself and your life—and should not. Always maintain a professional distance. Otherwise, however, it’s best to play it straight. If you don’t like video games or soccer, then say so.
If they ask if you something personal, then say it’s none of their business.
Inauthenticity causes distrust. This is especially so with challenging students who’ve been subject to near-constant manipulation, false praise, and flattery. Eye contact and the truth works wonders.
No Hiding
Another benefit to staying within the parameters above is that when you learn more about your students you like them more as people.
Choosing to like and see the best in them changes at the subconscious root how you behave around them. Your students will always know whether you like them or not. It’s something you can’t hide.
If they believe (or know) you don’t like them, then you’ll never have mutual trust and rapport or personal influence over their motivation, behavior, and work habits.
Again, the secret to building rapport is easy. Just be pleasant and let your students come to you. Once they approach, just listen. Be yourself. Tell the truth. If you don’t have time to talk, say so. If you run out of time, say so.
There is a lot to this topic, as well as the topic of choosing to like your students. For more on both, check out the search bar at the top of the page or the archive at right.
The book Dream Class also covers each topic thoroughly.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
Great post. You’re getting to subtle aspects of relationships with students. I used to think I was “wasting instructional time” if I didn’t work the class right up till the end. Now, I’m more relaxed. If we are cleaned up with 2 or 4 minutes of downtime then kids get to talk to each other in the dismissal line, I get to sit in my “Mindful Moment” chair 🤩😂😉 OR talk to a student & get to know them the way you describe. I’ve learned some remarkable thinks about kids this way. It’s a win-win. Thank you for your articles that only take 3 minutes to read!!!
Thank you for your articles! I really learn a lot by them and appreciate you sharing them with educators and making them quick and easy to read.
I have pre-k students. Twenty students means twenty different personalities. I always encourage them to listen to me and to listen to each other. I like to take five or ten minutes during the day (maybe not EVERY DAY) to allow them to talk about whatever they’d like to talk about. They love it and they feel like they are important to me–which of course they are.
Thank you for such wonderful tips!
Also, in light of these awesome insights, be yourself. I have no idea how successful I’ve been in my life as a teacher,..but I know that I am enthusiastic and emotional and wide eyed. It would hard for me to be cool. Guess I’m more of a 5-10 set kind of teacher…..but I do think I’ve bonded genuinely with older kids as well. I don’t think we can be anyone other than who we are. Honest. Be honest. <3
I ordered your classroom management for elementary school students and haven’t received a link to down load the pdf. Please help, as I would like to utilize your information and ideas in my STEM lab as soon as possible.
Hi Krista,
It was sent immediately upon purchase to the email address associated with your Paypal account.