Pulling a student aside for a chat about their misbehavior is a common practice. Intuitively, it would appear to make sense.
—Which is why nearly every teacher does it.
But the truth is, it’s a mistake that causes more misbehavior, not less.
Here’s why:
It undermines student agency.
When you tell students what to think or what they should have done or request assurances from them, you undermine their inclination to choose of their own volition to improve their behavior.
This is a powerful force that happens naturally if you allow them the time and space to think, reflect, and self-assess.
Making the choice themselves is what actually changes behavior. You’re blowing the whole thing up by getting involved. The lesson is to let your classroom management plan do its job without your interference.
It causes resentment.
If while reflecting on their misbehavior you force them to look at you politely and listen to what they’re already wrestling with on the inside, they’re going to hate you for it.
Especially if you lecture, scold, question, or otherwise show displeasure. Especially if you force them to apologize to you or agree with your assumptions and assessments of their own intentions.
One-on-one meetings are also incredibly uncomfortable for students. What you may see as a simple discussion, they view as an additional consequence.
It contradicts your word.
Adding anything to your classroom management plan contradicts your promise to follow it as written and initially taught.
Students see this as a lie and betrayal. You may not regard it this way, if it even occurs to you. You may view pulling a student aside as a right bestowed upon you by their choice to misbehave.
But your students definitely do. They believe you’re out for revenge and their humiliation. The rest of the class also assumes this is the case. It’s no secret. It’s why they “ooooh” when you ask a student to join you in the hallway.
It tells them they can’t.
If you don’t leave a void for your students to make their own future behavioral decisions based on the promised consequences, which you consistently enforce, you’re telling them that you don’t think they’re capable of it.
You’re telling them that only you can tell them how they should think and feel. Only you can set them straight. Only you from your high position can voice the rumbling in their heart.
—Because you don’t trust them to do it on their own. Again, this may not occur to you in the moment. But it’s what you’re communicating loud and clear.
Transformed
I realize this approach is strongly counterintuitive. So be it. It works. Furthermore, you don’t have time to talk to every student who breaks a rule.
You must be able to follow your classroom management plan quickly and without interruption so you can get back to the business of teaching and learning. Time on task is everything to academic progress.
It’s sacred.
We must never forget that arming our students with high academic competence is by far the best thing we can do for their future.
It’s also the best thing we can do for their self-worth and confidence and thus their social and emotional health. Once sold on the merits of study and learning through your inspired teaching, it keeps them far away from misbehavior.
Weighted down with purpose, agency, responsibility, and competence, and empowered by the freedom to think and then choose behavior that is best for them and their classmates, they become mature, independent, tenacious.
Transformed.
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I just researched you and read other articles by you. “Six Classroom Management Tips for New Teachers” is on target. This article does not clearly explain your position; as a result, I feel that it does not send the correct message, at least the message I hear when reading more of your articles.
If you’re new to SCM, you may want to give it a more careful read. Hint: classroom management plan. (Although it is much more than this.) You may also want to do a deep dive in our archive in order to begin grasping our approach. There are more than 700 articles to choose from.
Hi Michael.,
Thank you so much for your common sense articles and recommendations. I have a question about the classroom management plan which I purchased and was eager to implement in my new position this fall; however, my middle school uses a standard based grading system, and the standards that are reported out to parents have nothing to do with speaking, listening, following directions, rules, etc. Do you have any advice on how to use your management plan in this situation? Thanks again for all you do to help teachers!!
My school is also using standards based grading. We have a category for report cards called “Behaviors that promote academic success”. Check to see if your school has something similar in place. If not, do you have professional discretion to add such a category to your gradebook? If your report cards are system generated your new behavior category probably won’t show on the report card, but having this category anyway is helpful. My middle school students earn a weekly grade in this category. Parents like it as an early warning system for addressing their child’s character development as well as executive function skills. Because standards based report card categories identify progress in each academic standard, they can also see subject mastery separate from behavior. Yet, as one of my parents put it, it’s amazing how the two correlate!
Thank you for your reply! I will ask about adding a behavior category to the report card. I don’t think it will be allowed, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. I hope Michael gives me some advice on what to do for a management system if I can’t report on their behavior on the report card. thanks again!
Yes! We’re standards based as well and I’d like to use the “behaviors that promote academic success” category as well. I teach high school… Do you make it an assignment? Like “Weekly Participation” or something like that?
Consider: the hallway conversation is better than an in class humiliating convo, though, right? What about in the hall; for their dignity sake, but brief- 2 questions: Know why here? Know the rules/consequences? Then an admonishment to trust to decide better next time. Short, brief and reconciliatory and reflective in nature. I believe a balance of both in class implementation of the man’t plan and a dignified, non- lecturing 1 minute private conversation could protect sacred learning minutes, too. Also- the hallway pull could sometimes be positive in nature; not a big fan of “here’s a sticker” but a sincere thank you in the eyes is valuable, too. Thoughts?
Huzzah!! I second that emotion!
Can you help with what to do when a child is making a ruckus IN their time out? I extended his time, but made the mistake of speaking with him about it. I should note that he’s autistic and has ADHD.
Great article. The point is that teachers should have a classroom management plan and follow it consistently. Pulling students aside for private pep talks when they misbehave is giving them special attention; in essence, it’s saying to them that if they misbehave, the rules don’t need to apply to them.
Oooh, nicely put! I hadn’t thought of it that way. Those private talks really do make students feel like the rules don’t apply to them.
Thanks, Michael, for another great article! I’ve always hated taking students aside for misbehaviour, and so I have found the SCM approach very freeing.
Underrated comment! Thank you for your insight and wisdom!
I have to agree to disagree on some of this. Sometimes, when the behavior is extreme, a one-on-one talk is necessary (not a pep talk!) before following through with consequences. Sometimes our admin requires it. In the last few years, admin has also taken away many of our classroom management tools that have been successful in the past because they do not want to deal with conflict. Unfortunately, many students don’t make the right choices. When someone has been out of the classroom for several years, advice is not always applicable. Michael, maybe you are still teaching which adds more credibility to your methods.
I agree: talks are often part of board policies and procedures. I often feel admin gives more power and control to students and parents than they do to teachers. At my school in Ontario (Canada) we are all about restorative practices. The problem is that even admin is not consistent in it’s applications and thus create more confusion in student’s minds as to what type of consequences will be applied (usually none!). We need to keep it simple for the kids and we especially have to hold students accountable for their misbehaviors by staying consistent with a classroom management plan that makes sense!
I agree
I used to pull students aside, but I’ve stopped doing so ever since I started reading Smart Classroom Management. Pulling students aside for a conversation always gave them room to deny any misbehavior, and they often felt resentment toward me because other students would notice me pulling them aside. It also undermined my authority because it showed that my consequences/classroom management plan were not enough, and some kids were happy about the fact that they could get under my skin.
If the misbehavior does not stop after all the consequences that I could give in the classroom, I just send an email or call home. I try never to scold, lecture, or have a conversation. Instead, I try to just give consequences.
Yes! My admin requires us to pull kids aside and not to do it in front of the class! I agree with his philosophy, but my admin does not!!!
Can you give an example of what following the classroom management plan would look like in this situation? Say someone walks into class 3 minutes late, with no pass, after the lesson has already started.
Just mark them tardy. 3 tardies equal a detention. They know they are late and if they have a reason they will give you a pass or let you know.
I read it as if you are following your own classroom management plan with consistency, there’s no need to pull students aside. It should be enough to enforce the consequences, and allow them to reflect on their own. Just one question: if the need to pull a student aside does arise (on rare occasion, hopefully) what is the best way to go about it?
Is pulling students aside in order follow your management plan ok? I pulled one to come sit by my desk to write him up, but there was no pep talk. Everyone saw what he was doing anyway, it was no secret. Plus I had to get him away from the kid he was bothering.
I love your articles and perspective. I have a question about this one: What if a conversation in the hallway IS part of your classroom management plan? Or would you say that should never be the case?
That is my question as well. Also, I’ve never seen the conversation as a pep talk, more as a kind of time out (like in sports, not punishment), a way to ask the student what’s going on with them, then to point out why what they’re doing is a problem, and reminding them of the consequences of their choices.
I always ask how are they. It’s sad that some teachers sometimes don’t treat students as actual humans with feelings.
Sometimes you find out more information, and they see that you care (I teach 2nd graders). You call it a pep talk. I call it a teachable moment.
Good point! I guess it shouldn’t be (waste of time)?
Yes, that’s my procedure too. I didn’t understand the article because of that. The article doesn’t say what you would do instead. I read it three times to see if I was missing it…I’d love not to cause a blip in the flow of the classroom.
This is so good. Effective leadership is about having followers that choose to follow you. Leaving room for students to choose their behavior is essential. If we’re coercive then they may behave in the moment but not necessarily in the long term. And, that coercive relationship will ultimately bear bad fruit.
I agree with much of what you have said here, but the first step our administrator expects us to take is to “conference with the student.” How do you follow the administrator’s expectations and do what is best for classroom management? What is your recommendation?
Same. Our HS has a 7 step behavior plan and the first three involve conference with student.
I have never had a problem with pulling a student out for a quick discussion about their behavior. This stems from advice I got from a middle school principal forty years ago when I training to be an outdoor Ed counselor as a junior in high school. His take was that getting into a power struggle with a kid in front of the class, in front of his friends, was a bad idea. I’ve always employed the divide and conquer method in my classroom which actually helps me build relationships with my more difficult students. Whether they decide to hate you typically depends on what you say to them. “Explain to me what just happened in there.” Typically does the trick.
I’ve been teaching for 30 years and students come back to tell me how much they appreciated being heard out in the hallway and that I let them keep their dignity.
I’m an avid follower of your website. I see the message here, but I disagree with some of it. I’ve pulled a student aside last year who always acted out and they broke down crying and let everything out with me in the hall. It actually helped our relationship and me/the parent are still close to this day. As teachers, we have to have a sense of discernment and understand our students. Building relationships and reading the room is important.
Another incident, I pulled a student aside to check to see were they okay. Every class they fall asleep, except mine. We were able to talk and I didn’t feel like I was calling them out in-front of their peers. The student is still thriving.
Every teacher just has to use wisdom!
I was a student in 9th grade when I had a teacher pull me out of class because I was having a hard time and my attitude was showing it. I broke down. That teacher became one of my safe people because she cared enough to ask what was going on. I excelled in her class when I had her again in 11th grade. I agree that wisdom is part of the management equation.
I deal with probably the rudest group of learners I have had in 50 years of teaching. I can’t apply any rules to them. I give up.
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with this. How old are the students? And have you made contact with the parents yet? Usually a positive contact with parents at the beginning of the year can go a long way. You won’t be able to enforce any rules in your class without student and parent support. You shouldn’t have to do any of this alone!
I have noticed that many of my students don’t always come with the tools to manage and reform their own behavior. This is why I help students by providing time to cool down and “coach them” on how to find alternative ways to deal with their emotions. Ultimately, my most disruptive students are also the ones with the most pain and are often struggling with family issues that go beyond their maturity to understand or solve. I think with firmness, classroom boundaries, and enough grace to recognize that these students need our help, children can (and deep down want to) change. I have seen students’ behavior radically transform throughout the school year, and that is what keeps me encouraged as a teacher. Let’s not have rules that are so rigid we forget to have compassion on our most challenging students. They need adults who believe in them, and we might one of the few safe people they know.
Michael encourages teachers to use compassion by building rapport. What his message is for us is to train students through thorough detailed examples of what it is to look in to learn And what it would look like to not to be willing to learn in class. Then repeat the same idea to consequences.
Remember, the first time you notify the misbehaving student it is to let them know that they are not in trouble but to Reconsider what to do in the moment. This is giving them a choice. Make this very clear and understood so students know it is on them to make the choice to stop and change or the consequence is time out. This works and reduces the student to feel challenged or embarrassed.
I always love your articles, thank you!
However I have a question about the advice given here. I work with Kindergarteners at a Christian school, so I often speak to them one-on-one to hug them and pray with them after discipline. Many cry when they are corrected, so I like to follow up after giving consequences with a reminder that it is done in love and I am not angry (FYI, I do not change the consequence). I know we all serve many differing ages, do you think there is more room for one-on-one follow up with little ones?
When I started teaching middle school in the early 1980’s, I did not have the resources available to teachers now, including the wisdom in these emails. However, I found one-on-one conversations very helpful. BUT I wouldn’t do the talking – I’d say something like “It seems we have a problem. What do you think?” I learned so much about things bothering my students and I never saw increased misbehavior or hard feelings. Had I lectured etc., I can see where that could have happened.
Hi Michael,
Thanks for a great article. What do you do about student behaviour from break time? i.e. The teacher on duty has told you that they were throwing rocks or something. I would usually chat with them at my desk or in the hallway about the break time behaviour.
Thanks,
Beth
I am sorry, but I disagree with not pulling them to the side to talk. Even our Behavioral Specialist has it written on Behavioral Intervention Plans for students. It prevents the student from continuing to act out in front of peers. We are not allowed to address in the class but only pull outside the class. If a student misbehaves in class, the student is asked to step into the hallway to find out what is happening. Not correcting the student in front of peers is a power struggle to show the classmates who is in control (saying that’s how the student who is in trouble sees it).
My school requires this for redirection. For example. 1st offense: Cussing. Ex. Johnny can you please use appropriate language. 2nd offense: Positive Framing. Ex. Johnny thank you for using appropriate language. 3rd offense: 1-on 1 private conversation to redirect behavior 4th offense: Call parents. 5th offense: Call parents during class time. 6th offense: Referral to office. That is our management plan. So what can we do instead?
That is a lot of second, third, fourth and fifth chances. I teach 4 year olds and will email parents the 2nd time. I teach the expected behaviors explicitly, and have the entire class demonstrate understanding of the expected behaviors. It takes quite a lot of practice and reteaching students that have never been in school before, for them to master the self regulation to follow the rules consistently. But once I am confident that the rules are understood, the first infraction will result in pulling a student aside to teach, reteach expected behaviors I am assuming that I didn’t teach the rules as well as I could have, resulting in the student not knowing or misunderstanding the correct, expected behavior. If I am confident that they understand the expected behavior, after being retaught, and then later chose to behave inappropriately, I contact the family. Does that seem harsh?
Well, what should I do instead? I don’t feel the answer is clear here. You only say what to do and point to class management. It would be clearer to put clear instructions on what would be better to do in the same article.