It’s not because you hold them accountable.
This is a myth. In fact, as long as you follow through as promised—and without lecturing, berating, questioning, etc.—your likability will increase. It will get stronger along with their trust in you.
But there are distinct and predictable reasons why students dislike certain teachers. The good news is that once you know what they are, you can begin the changes that result in not only greater likability, but also improved behavior.
With that, what follows are five reasons your students may not like you.
1. You go back on your word.
This is number one. If you say it, you better do it. Stating rules, policies, and/or procedures and then ignoring them or applying them inconsistently will cause students to dislike you intensely.
It calls everything you stand for into question. It communicates that you don’t mean what you say and that even your niceties lack meaning—or they’re fake and used for manipulation.
How do you feel about a friend or boss, for example, who promises something again and again and doesn’t deliver? They become inconsequential and hard not to disparage behind their back.
2. You don’t like them.
If you dislike your students, or teaching in general, then they’ll know it. It’s something a Shakespearean actor couldn’t hide. Have you ever heard the expression “Your thoughts are showing”?
Well, it’s true. Your eyes. Your micro-expressions. Your tone and body language. It all exposes you for who you are and how you feel about your students.
You must choose to like them and see the best in them for them to like you back. A classroom is the Law of Reciprocity in action, the results of which are obvious to any visitor or fly on the wall to see.
3. Your students get under your skin.
You may like your students, but if you allow them to get under your skin and frustrate you with their behavior (instead of allowing your classroom management plan to do its good work), then it will cause you to seek revenge.
It may be subtle. It may be subconscious. It may be a look or word of sarcasm or rebuke. But it’s exceedingly hard to take disrespect or challenge on the chin day after day without returning the favor.
Unless, that is, you remember that you’re an adult, a leader, a role model, a teacher who manages, guides, and influences from a higher plane. You are above the petty and proud, an example of grace and maturity.
4. You’re grumpy.
Life is hard. You bring a lot with you when you get into your car and make your way to school. But you must leave it all behind the moment you step on campus. You must be a pro no matter what is happening in your life.
Your students are counting on you. They need you to be at your best and locked in on them, your lessons, and your classroom.
If you’re unprepared mentally, if you don’t take care of yourself and arrive at school unhappy, it will spill out onto your students. Testy, cantankerous, grouchy . . . snapping at them decimates your influence.
5. You’re uptight.
There are classrooms so thick with tension you can feel it the moment you step inside. The air is suffocating. Stress and unease is palpable. Excitability among students has them climbing the walls.
And it’s always, always, always caused by the teacher, who is in the dark about why their students are so agitated, silly, and primed for misbehavior.
You control the energy in your classroom through your temperament. If they’re anxious and jumpy because of the environment you create, then they’re not going to like being there—or around you.
A Simple Fix
The formula for predictable likability no matter who your students are or what age is a simple one. It involves only two ingredients:
1. 100% reliance on your classroom management plan.
2. Your consistent pleasantness.
That’s it. Now, to accomplish this, to possess each ingredient to the degree they become who you are, encompasses much of this website and our philosophy here at SCM.
Therefore, please take the time to peruse our archive, watch our videos, and pick up one or more of our books and guides.
In the meantime, know that if you just do these two things, and do them well, you’ll experience remarkable behavioral and academic success, fulfillment, and love of teaching.
If you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
This was really important for me to read, I always build a great report and good relationships with my students, there is always the exemption. Most importantly we feel like a team when we’ve got past the initial trust issues. The time to establish this varies with each year level and group of students but it is always my goal and once there everyone is learning.
I read every email from SCM and follow SCM on a social platform. I take note of points highlighted that are happening in my classroom at the very moment so I can apply the steps. I read older articles and note them so they can be applied now and at the start of the new year.
What I can’t seem to find are actual examples of rules and consequences to apply. My teachable is hospitality, so I have rules which pertain to safety (no phones, earbuds, wear hair covering, etc). These rules are often broken, and sending a student out of the kitchen because they ignored the rules isn’t a great option. The classroom isn’t clearly visible from the kitchen, and the student uses their phone and doesn’t do the assignment I gave them, or walks out of the classroom. For safety reasons alone, it is very difficult to watch the students in the kitchen and micro-manage the student I sent out. I will phone or email home to inform them, I might contact the v-p if this has happened before. The consequences of breaking a rule don’t seem to concern students as they are often broken.
Help!
Here is an article from the website in which Michael details his recommended classroom management plan, including rules and consequences: https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2011/08/06/effective-classroom-management-plan/
If you teach older students, you should look into Michael’s high school plan: https://smartclassroommanagement.com/the-smart-classroom-management-plan-for-high-school-teachers/
@Lesley…Maybe you get the actual rules and consequence ideas if you buy his books.
I am a homeschool mom who used to teach in the classroom, and I love following your blog. Even as a homeschool mom, I glean so much wisdom from what you write. Thank you for what you do.
I have switched to preschool and rarely serve the ages for which your blog is intended, but I still read it every week. You still help center me in positivity and integrity, the core of effective relationships of any kind at any age. Thank you!
Michael,
Great advice, as always. However, in reason #5 you made a statement about students being agitated, silly and primed for misbehavior. I am an elementary music specialist and some of my classes arrive at my door agitated, silly and primed for misbehavior. It sometimes takes several minutes of smiling, patiently waiting, and gentle reminders about my rules/expectations before I can begin the lesson. I do have your book on classroom management for elementary specialist teachers, but it feels increasingly difficult to overcome the seeming lack of sound classroom management of the homeroom teachers.
I think this will get better as the covid gap generation moves up. Maybe print out and leave some articles from this website in the print room and staff room to see if you can gently create some new converts to this way of teaching.
Same here! I am also an Elementary Music Specialist and I also have the book for PE and Music Specialists. There is so much more to it than what is in your book…and every class at each of my schools are totally different in their attitude, School wide management system, and more. I find one of the reasons we specialists struggle is that there isn’t a School wide Discipline and Management system that works for all K-6 grades that we can follow to support our own management skills. I had to remember each classroom teacher’s/grade’s system and tie into theirs at each site which is why I was the inconsistent one. It was too much to remember! Each site and each Principal runs everything differently and there is no continuity for us Specialists. We have to be the consistent ones.
As a supply teacher, your tools have been a huge Godsend for me! My substitute work goes so much smoother using your plan! Quick question for you. Sometimes the kids tell me, “But I saw David also talking to Jordan”. The problem is that I can’t always see both actions happening at the same time (may be behind me as I deal with one behaviour in front of me). What would you recommend my response should be to this student? Thanks in advance!
Aah. I need to make a copy of this article. It’s a keeper and reminds me of one of my teacher faults: taking it personally when students don’t do what I ask several times. Now, these are students that several issues and when you more than 2 or 3, it is a super challenge to redirect them. But as Michael, our Pied Piper likes to say, let SMC do the work for you.
Again, thanks Michael for another gem of an classroom management article. I need to read these each week as it reminds me the importance of what we do to provide a great learning environment and experiences for our students whom we serve.
I am not there for the students to like me! I am there for the students to show respect and the liking of acquiring knowledge in a public group setting. Codes of conduct are established at the start of the class sections and should be followed thereafter. Students who judge the teacher tend to be over or under achievers. They should spend that time spent comparing their personal feeling about the teacher learning a new concept or reading for enjoyment. Of course the reasons you gave are good reasons that should be corrected.
How do you get students to settle down when they are extremely agitated from the previous class they were in? My students routinely come in ready to fistfight with each other due to things that had happened in gym class. They are so primed to fight that the victim student only has to raise their hand to ask a question and the others attack both verbally and physically. I’m also dealing with students that don’t want to be in school because they aren’t allowed to be on their phones. These students purposely try to be suspended so that they can stay home and make tic tok videos all day. How do you compete with tic tok? I teach 7th grade.
We live in completely different times.
So many obstacles.
All we must do is keep seeing these lost children as the ones that need to be rescued from the most challenged world.
I have been subscribed to Michael’s blog posts for many years and grateful for your work!
Teaching is becoming the most challenging profession.
So, help us God!
I think I’m a #5….that certainly describes my situation. But I don’t think of myself as “uptight”. I’m actually much more laid back and fun than most teachers.
Could you elaborate on what you mean by that?
I do feel tension within myself because I know how rowdy and challenging the kids are going to be, and that causes me some anxiety. But I try extremely hard to hide that, assume the best about the kids, and be pleasant and loving with them. (For context, I’m an elementary Spanish teacher.)
I’m a primary teacher but currently doing supply in lower secondary. Are there any articles specifically for supply teachers?