Since returning to in-person learning, respect has taken a nosedive.
Students are just different.
We all see it. We all know it. The question is, what to do about it?
Well, the usual keys are still in play.
Clear Boundaries
100% Consistency
Calm Enforcement
Keeping your cool regardless of what a student does or says, and doing what you say you’re going to do, are now more important than ever before. Fail on this front and the battles will be constant, the disrespect unrelenting.
However, the time has come for something more.
Not strategies, per se. Those we recommend here at SCM don’t, and shouldn’t, change. It’s the way you interact with students that needs to take on greater significance.
With that in mind, what follows are seven teacher behaviors that when combined will reduce or eliminate any surge in disrespect upending your classroom.
1. Body Language
Timid and weak postures, stances, and movements don’t cut it. You must take up space by standing tall with your shoulders back and head up. Walk and move with purpose or stand still and in one place.
Face your students head on. Don’t fidget or pace. Never show displeasure or frustration. You must not only follow through like a leader, but look like one also. Thus, how you dress matters.
Your clothes need not be expensive, but clean, sharp, and pressed is a must. Some formality shows class and consistency. Sloppiness, casualness, or resembling your students does not.
2. Eye Contact
Eye contact has always been important, but now you must direct it purposefully. Turn to look at—even bore in on—every speaking student. Seek out visual connections as you teach and move about your room.
Look into students as you interact with them. Yes, they may squirm at first until they get used to a strong leader. They may feel uncomfortable.
But they’ll be far less likely to be disrespectful to you. They’ll be less likely to lie, make excuses, and shirk responsibility, which are behaviors that are also on the rise.
3. Voice
Light, hesitant, apologetic, mousy . . . Speak this way around students in the post-Covid age, and they’ll disregard you with a roll of the eyes and wave of the hand. They may even pretend you’re not there.
You must speak boldly. Use your adult voice, even with younger students. Be clear and unwavering. This doesn’t mean raising your volume, necessarily. Rather, deepen your sound and enunciate fully.
Clarity in manner and projection afford you greater esteem and politeness and will enhance your natural charisma and leadership abilities.
4. Directness
Tell students what you want and what you expect. Add nothing more. Refrain from qualifiers, suggestions, and thinking out loud. Be straightforward with your directions and instruction.
Use as few words as possible. Lean on plain yeses and nos and avoid hemming and hawing and showing uncertainty. Make up your mind quickly or tell students you’ll get back to them with your decision.
Never let them see you unsure of yourself. Vulnerability may have worked in the past, but it’s no longer helpful if you’re among the many teachers experiencing an increase of incivility.
5. Pause
Here at SCM, we’ve long promoted the importance and power of strategic pausing. Now it’s vital. Pause often and for longer periods of time than you ever have.
When you speak, let your instructions and directives hang heavy in the air. Wait them out. Let them settle. Say your peace and then zip it. Your students will regard your words with more weight and relevance.
They’ll listen better. They’ll move to fulfill your directions faster. They’ll approach you politely and with greater appreciation.
6. Listen
If a student does behave disrespectfully, do not react. Stand your ground and wait. Maintain strong eye contact. Stay silent and impassive.
Let their disrespect echo and breathe so they and everyone within earshot knows what it is. Let them feel it. Let their attention fall to you to see what you’ll do.
Then handle it with strength by simply enforcing. Offer no other reaction. Follow your classroom management plan as written, then turn and walk away. Return to what you were doing as if nothing happened.
When you show that it doesn’t get under your skin, that you don’t take their disrespect personally, students stop doing it.
7. Debrief
Here at SCM, we don’t recommend talking to students about their misbehavior—lectures, whys, questions, hash-it-outs, should-have-dones, etc.—except under certain specific circumstances.
However, many students nowadays don’t even know they’re being disrespectful. In this case, be sure to let them know later in the day that the way they spoke to you isn’t okay.
You don’t have to go on and on or show your disappointment. It isn’t a discussion. You’re merely informing, educating. It’s a courtesy for their benefit and future reference. There is no need to wait for them to respond or apologize—though they often will.
Just let them know that if it happens again, a rule will be enforced.
You, Not Them
There is a clear crises of disrespect sweeping the country. Every day it seems we hear stories from teachers of remarkable brazenness and rude behavior.
Maybe it’s the year spent at home. Maybe it’s the lack of human connection. Maybe it’s the addiction to social media and smart phones. Maybe it’s the anger and frustration that seems to be affecting everyone from airline passengers to highway drivers.
Regardless, we have to adjust.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t still have a kind and pleasant personality. You can and should still use humor and get excited about your subject matter.
But no longer can you tiptoe your way around your classroom. You can’t shrink away like a frightened wombat or allow yourself to be bullied and intimidated.
Nor can you fight against disrespect with your own brand of fire and fury. Revenge may be sweet in the moment, but it will encourage more and more of what you don’t want.
Instead, you must be a strong presence. You must be a leader of a higher purpose and plane your students can’t help but look up to.
It doesn’t take a lot, mind you.
Following the suggestions above, many of which you’re probably already doing, is enough. It’s enough to push back the wave of disrespect and bring peace to the kingdom.
But you must take charge. Not in an aggressive or angry way, but in a way that leaves no doubt that you’re the leader of the classroom.
And you, not them, set its tone and culture.
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Great stuff, Michael. I intend to work harder on all those aspects, starting from Monday.
About eye contact.
When students answer questions in a class discussion, I usually sweep my eyes around the classroom to see if any students are side talking, sleeping, playing with objects or such like, especially as I find that a few students will often take advantage of those moments to misbehave. The need is greater if the student answering is at the front of the room and to the far left or right. Of course the eye sweeping means no direct eye contact with the student answering.
Any thoughts on keeping direct eye contact without losing sight of what other students are doing? Working on the quality of our peripheral vision?
I used to stop the person answering: “Wait a sec, Henry. Someone is being disrespectful and not listening”. This would do two things: 1. validate the students answering, and 2. letting the talking students know to stop their side-bar conversations.
Me too that’s a great strategy!
As I would call on a student to respond, I would casually walk to the opposite side of the classroom, then establish eye-contact with the speaker. This enabled me to keep the rest of the class in sight. It also encouraged students to speak loud enough to be heard by everyone in the class. Students tend to talk to the teacher, so a student sitting in the front of the classroom might not project enough to be heard by those in the back. I found this to be quite effective.
Very helpful. Thank you so much for sharing, Kevin.
I agree. I remember using proximity with the side-talkers. I would keep eye- contact with the speaker while casually walking towards the talkers and standing nearby their desks. It was like an unspoken reminder of classroom expectations when a peer is sharing.
These kids do not care about any of that. If they are disrespectful at home, they will continue to be disrespectful at school. Everyone is blaming Covid which is far from the truth. Being disrespectful isn’t from a year of virtual learning it has always been there. The lack of discipline is the problem, the handling teachers from above as if they are students is a problem. Teachers will never be able to be effective anymore due to the lack of discipline. The teachers hands are tied. When the school boards starting changing things for the worse is when this all started, this did not begin during Covid it was always the problem. The difference now is more students think that they are adults and don’t have to follow rules. Until things are put in place to change the outcome will be the same
I agree with you! This behavior was way before COVID. When I see students being rewarded for their behavior, what do we expect? You don’t give a kid a popsicle for being disrespectful or reward him with a teddy bear or say thank you for misbehaving. Those are some of the things I see done over and over. Kids are the ones making the rules. I am a combat veteran (no I don’t need thank yous, just want to make a point). I survived Kosovo and Afghanistan, but the other day I almost got smacked by a rock. A kid was ready to throw a rock at me! He is not a little kid. What***…I mean, I survived combat and won’t survive a 4th grader? Something is totally wrong!
I would have to disagree with what you have said about the disrespect coming from home, I’m a 5’4 female and I can approach one of those ‘bad’ students and strike a deep conversation up with them, next thing you know they’re asking if I need to help to carry things from my van, asking if I’m hungry and if I want anything to eat or drink. Now, that there just shows me that some, don’t get respect at home and what they are doing in school is how they have been conditioned and now bringing that behaviour and using it on ‘others’ to get them (us) to listen. This after covid.
As for the rest of your comment I see where you are coming from but to be fair, if you are a kaiako, this is your calling so to speak, it should be your passion to help find ways around the barriers that keep being put infront of our rangatahi. If we keep putting the blame on other things we will never be able to work together, instead, find solutions.
Situations and circumstances are a big part of this conversation. Unfortunately, the lack of discipline is the problem. I’m not sure where you work, but in my school, most of our kids need a strong hand to set them straight.
We also have to look at what we mean by “bad”. Let’s use your example of approaching a “bad” student and striking a deep conversation with that child. What happens when that kid is around their friends? If this specific group of kids is a collective group of kids that like to purposely disrespect adults, there is no striking up a convo. I’m talking about the actual kids that have a terrible home life. We all love to look at this conversation as “we can get through to them”. Why do you think we have angry and rebellious adults in the world? Some people just don’t get it and they don’t want to get it. The gang culture may be a little different, but it’s coming back…especially in my city. There is no getting through to some of these kids. A lot of them don’t see the value of school and based on their surroundings and family history, will never care about school. Have you ever walked up to a gang member or thug and struck up a conversation? Have you willingly struck up a conversation with the disrespectful young girl that cusses with every other word and only wants you to leave her alone?
I hope and pray you don’t think I’m attacking you with my response. Honestly, I understand what you wrote and I believe there are situations where the aforementioned instructions can be useful. At the same time, we can not ignore what Rodrick said. It’s the truth. I’ve worked with teenagers for years now, and what works is definitely being a strong leader, but also being vulnerable. As the “authority” some kids will never listen to you because they have been abused by the “authority”. Some need to be reminded swiftly that “you don’t take mess” and will not stand for disrespect. However, there are a few that won’t care no matter what you do. Those are the kids or students that we can’t allow to distract the kids we can reach.
Sorry I went on a tangent. Everything in this article was completely opposite of what they’re teaching our school assistants. I don’t think anyone knows what to do because the situations have too many variables to set one set of rules or instructions in place.
You have to learn how to adapt to each student. If they don’t want to learn, send them to the counselors that are supposed to deal with those problems. We need to stop putting everything on teachers. They are supposed to teach not babysit, counsel, train, advise, and all the other “hats” we put on them.
It’s just like Tammy said, “it takes a village”.
I completely agree. I’ve just left an MFL supply post as four of my classes were untenable. I was treated with rudeness and disrespect from several students from the moment they walked in. I just couldn’t get the lessons taught effectively. I know I’m not the toughest of characters, but I know I can teach my subject well and feel sorry for those kids who genuinely wanted to get on and learn with me, in an atmosphere of kindness, interest, respect and support.
I totally agree with you. Disrespectful exists before Covid and now it is even worst. The thing is that if there is not a consequence for that student who is disrespectful, the others student will think is okay to behave like that with this teacher. And talking to their parents does not work, some are enabler, or they can’t do anything about it. I’m referring to secondary students from Ecuador.
I agree. The same disrespect is now being shown by parents. It seems as though we have forgotten that it “takes a village”.
This is the biggest issue in my school. It seems as though a big part of the media is making teachers the enemy and so parents do not have our backs. They also openly speak out against teachers to their kids which gives the kids the idea that teachers and schools are out to get them. There is no village. There are villagers with pitch forks and teachers and staff being chased out systematically.
As long as there are no consequences, kids are going to get worse, not better. I had to resign my position today after being assaulted, disrespected waaaaaayyyyy too many times with evidence and input into the “system” and being called horrific things, including racial slurs. I’m done and going back to corporate America. Good luck to the schools. It’s completely out of control and with no consequences I’m unable to do this. Teachers are being abused. And that’s not OK.
Agreed.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
This is 100% TRUE!! Teachers can’t enforce consequences because there aren’t any that make a difference to the kids who do whatever they want/don’t want!! Teachers can No longer give legitimate consequences because we are so micromanaged! Instead, we have to tolerate the disrespectful students all day, every day!! This is my 23rd year of teaching, and every year the disrespect gets worse!
Agreed. This is my 17th and I’m hanging on for dear life until I complete 20 so I can get my basic retirement and get the hell out. I teach Art I – IV and the Art I classes won’t even acknowledge my existence anymore! I’ve stopped trying to get their attention and I teach to the four or so students who want to learn and pass. It had become so disheartening. And the kids don’t even dislike me! And I don’t even hear from parents about how many kids are failing. I have a 49% failure in my last class since the start of the year because of not turning in work! IN ART!!! Our school system started taking a dive before Covid, and now we can’t even get disciplinarian backup at our own school. The kids run the place.
I needed to see this post! Thank you !
Thank you, Michael. Unfortunately, there are little to no rules that are enforced at my school and the students know it. My teaching partner resigned this week because of the lack of consequences and admin support. The disrespect is mind blowing. Students refuse to work in class and continue to disrupt others. There is no place to send them or consequences for their actions. I will look forward to responses to my post. I am a seasoned teacher and do not teach at-risk students. The academic and behavior bar was lowered during covid and now it is impossible to raise it.
If it’s already impossible, then you’ve surrendered your authority. There’s no advice good enough to someone who has already given up before the fight to reclaim your authority in the classroom has even begun. That’s the first and most important step: the willingness to take the wheel.
A teacher can “take the wheel” with full authority in their classroom, but if it is not backed up by the administration, it’s empty – and the students know it. I’m grateful for a solid administration that cares about its students enough to stand firm.
If you rely on an administrator to manage your classroom, you have surrendered your authority and will not be successful. You should be able to manage your own classroom. The administrator is not your classroom management system.
I respectfully disagree. At my current school we have out of control KINDERS! (at least 6 in a 4 section school). Not kidding, there’s no way a teacher can be successful with all her kids while dealing with these troubled kids. They literally run around like the Gingerbread Man daring someone to catch them. They run out of the room. They climb on furniture. They scream. We have a “behavior team” along with 2 principals. They just watch the kid doing this stuff until they run themselves out. They supposedly use “Boys Town”, which in my opinion is not the right program for a public school as a whole. But that’s beside the point. There’s a little empty room that they’ve started using where these kids can beat on the wall and scream it out. They excuse this behavior to “Trauma”. I do not discount trauma at all, but in my opinion that’s not an excuse to allow this type of behavior “until the child can regulate” himself. Speaking in a calm voice may be necessary and the right thing to do, but it does not stop these behaviors. Consequences? What consequences? Scream it out, kick, tip garbage cans over, whatever. Then once he’s regulated, send him right back into the classroom with a piece of candy. The administration MUST support classroom teachers, and the other kids should be considered too.
Admin may not BE the system but they have to support the system. When you have students that Tier 1 supports don’t work, and are even going through Tier 2, then Admin needs to be that Tier 3 support.
It’s not about surrendering or relying on administration, many administration don’t want you to handle your classroom the way that you can, you must be part of admin, that’s the first thing they scream is not being able to have classroom management. No, how about being consistent in the front office and have the staff backs. It’s a teacher shortage now because of that and no teacher will not stand for foolishness in a classroom from kids like y’all expect us to. Me myself I can handle any situation because my background is education or suburban living, it’s a major difference. When the heads of the schools wake up thats when things can be fixed, until then it’s lean on me at these schools.
No, the administrator is not the management system, however, he or she is a cog in the machinery. For example, in my school, after I have assigned X number of detentions the infractions move up to office referrals which then fall on the administrator to assgin the consequences.
Our dear friend, Debi, is trying. It is not her doing that the administrator(s) is not showing up and doing his or her job. Don’t blame her. Yes, she can continue to follow her classroom management plan, and should, absolutely. I think we can all agree that our jobs are made easier with administrative support.
Regardless of what the administrators do, we all need to continue enforcing our rules as best we can. Then the failure falls at the administrator’s door. They will suffer consequences for their lack of action by and by.
I totally agree with the fact that you shouldn’t rely on an administrator to manage your class. As a matter of fact, I don’t like them addressing my students in my own class with me there…at all. In that case I agree and feel that you have in fact surrendered your authority; any administrator should know that’s bad practice; it doesn’t help, but quite the opposite.
But…I think it’s safe to assume that when Pamela talks about “managing your class”, she probably means when you have done everything you needed to do, but you come to a point where you need a student removed…period. You may agree with the fact that if a student simply curses you out, he will need to be removed immediately. In this case, I believe there is no “surrendering”, but a “transfer of authority” instead. And the problem here occurs when, instead of implementing the discipline tools they have as administrators (that WE DON’T), they “transfer back” instead, and by that, I mean when they show up 10 minutes later asking you that “if the student apologizes would you accept them back???!!! Excuse me?!?!? That is a disrespect to a teacher’s professionalism. The assumption is we haven’t given them enough opportunities, warnings, etc. We, as teachers are saying: I have tried everything and it didn’t work out. This students has to be in your hands now. If they come back asking for the student to be back in class they are putting us on the spot, not the students. Actions HAVE to have consequences, whether an apology is given or not. Why? Because if the students know that’s their way out, they’ll not only “apologize”; but they will curse you or any other teacher out again down the road, sooner or later.
You can show that you have all the authority in the world, but we when there are no consequences for rude, disrespectful & disruptive behavior, you’re at a loss!! We’ve tolerated disrespectful behaviors for too many years!!! No other job expects you to be disrespected, so why should teaching?!?! If a student is plain rude, insubordinate, insulting, disruptive and this behavior is allowed to continue, we’re dead in the water.
I find your comment rude and condescending. I also work at a school that was always considered “the” place to send your kids. Enter a new Superintendent who wants to play politics and a principal from out of town more concerned with impressing and watching the numbers than supporting her staff, then Covid hits, and everything went to hell. The kids came back feral, the parents have been fine with it, and the school board and Discipline team have rolled over and played dead. If you think I have any real authority against a room of 32 teenagers with phones who don’t even know I exist and don’t know what disrespect is, you must live and work in a really nice place. I’ve managed my classes very well for years, and now it seems classroom management is making sure a fight doesn’t break out as they constantly keep snatching each others’ phones. And no, they’re not supposed to have them out. But they can between classes, and we aren’t supposed to take them. And you can write them up, but if there are too many write ups you get “told something” about the numbers of kids you’re writing up. And the write ups I’ve done so far have resulted in “conferenced with student”. Wow…I already did that! Thanks for….nothing.
Same here.
I am so thankful for Michael’s posts and ideas – they’ve helped my colleagues and me enormously.
But, when I take a student’s Chromebook because they refuse to stop playing online games (per the well-known rules of my classroom), I’m told (by parents and/or admin) that I absolutely cannot do that. I always provide a paper copy of the assignment, so I continue using this consequence.
However, the kids know I’m treading hot water with my policy, and it’s getting harder and harder to enforce it.
We’re told that “the poor grade the student will eventually receive” for not doing their classwork is the true, and only, consequence.
Okay. Yet, I’m not allowed to “give” (it’s not giving: it’s what they earned) any student a failing grade, either! If I dare, I have admin and parents down my throat: “Why didn’t you ever communicate with parents that Joey was failing?!” (“I did. Remember when I told you – about nine separate times – that he wouldn’t stop playing online games? And still had about a 37 average, mid-quarter? And that I was more than worried he’d fail, seeing as I wasn’t allowed to take his Chromebook away, and he didn’t care, and his parents never answered my emails or phone calls? Oh, and also – I Cc’d you and the superintendent on every. single. email.”)
Both parents and admin will then ask what “Joey” can do to raise his grade. For the quarter? Two days before it ends? No. I am NOT creating extra credit for students who refuse to create create in the first place. I’m not staying up to create some Mickey-Mouse-extra-credit project that’s supposed to represent 3 months of my lessons, and, should Joey complete it, he’ll have caught up to his peers in knowledge and classwork. How fair is that? I don’t mean just to me, but to everyone? The other students, as well as Joey? What’s that going to relay to him? That “I can continue gaming in Ms. Molly’s class, and at the end of the quarter my parents will demand she create something to save my a**.”
Here’s what Joey can do: the f#%*ing work assigned to him, and to every student in the class.
(Sorry for the rant; super hard week. Feeling so discouraged and hands-tied.)
Our school district uses a program called Go Guardian. This program allows educators to control what sites a student can access. I have awarded my classes the ability to only access the sites for my assignments. It has really helped keep my students focused. It even lets me control the number of tabs they open. I love it! Perhaps this could be something you s your district could look into.
Hang in there!
I love Go Guardian, but my district refuses to pay for it because they said teachers will just sit at their desks and stare at the computer screen instead of walking around the room and connecting with students. That’s an excuse, blaming an expected teacher behavior that is insulting instead of just admitting it’s too expensive and they don’t think it’s worth the money because they’re not in the classroom dealing with it!
What did your admin say you should do instead? Did they give you an alternative?
Do you have an ap where you can exit students out of games on their chromebook? At the school I’m at, it’s called Hapra. I can see what they are on and exit them out, or pause their screen.
You are not the only one feeling this way. For far too long, schools and school districts have been telling teachers we “cannot fail students”, “lowest grade we can give is a 60%”, etc.
My suggestion? Document, document, document…print out every text message, every email, every message,EVERYTHING. Continue cc: Admin and Sup, that will show-up on the documents you print out. When the parents report to Admin because their kid FAILED (because let’s be honest, the kid is the one that failed to do any work), pull out the thick file of documentation for that student and begin: on (date) I called and left a message, on (date) I sent an email, etc. blow-by-blow.
At some point, the parents may become embarrassed that it is THEIR negligence that has allowed their kid to fail.
You can outsmart the opposition. Think of alternatives. For example, for the students who fail because they didn’t complete their work, offer them (and the administration) a contract. List every incomplete assignment, set a due date, and offer to file a change-of-grade order, when the work has been satisfactorily completed. Do not let the make-up work replace new work. The key is to offer a reasonable second chance to all involved. You’re the professional, not the victim.
Awesome to read, I feel your passion!
Amen!
I also work in a “minimal consequences” school… and it is so frustrating! Hang in there – teachers who care enough to seek solutions are like gold!!
Idea: when “Joey’s” parents ask for extra credit – hand them the printed copies of every assignment (but one) and say “This is the extra credit”.
Idea: Have a pre-packaged project … depending on age of students. Mine is a research project that will add UP TO 10 points on their grade. Of course, I am in a district where we cannot post any grade lower than a 50, so 10 points will pass them. No one has successfully completed it for all 10 points…. because spelling and grammar count, and practically no middle school student knows how to use capital letters.
Good luck!
Get ‘em Molly. So frustrating! Thank you for all you do! 💞
THIS MOLLY! All of THIS! You’re not the only one fighting this battle!
When students are playing video games, I can delete that screen remotely. If it continues, I can turn off their computer remotely. This seems to have the desired affect without taking the computer away.
You are awesome Kelly Killarney!!!!!!! I was reading your post with the same energy used in writing it. Standing strong and firm – the only way to go. I love when parents say – what can we do to help him/her? How about…What can he/she do??!! Parents feel they need to defend themselves – and I excitedly tell them – let’s switch the question around. Why is the student the last to be held accountable??!! I teach 6th grade Math and have a reputation as being tough. One kid expressed it as tough love. Respect is earned, learned and returned! Amen?? Amen!!
This!! Every single word of it. You are not alone in what you are experiencing from both parents and administrators. I have no solutions just empathy.
Kerry
Molly- this is spot on. At a parent conference about a students misbehavior, both parents were speaking to me in threat of tones. This was a Thursday after school. Lasted an hour. I took the next day off and resigned the following Monday.
Admin was at the conference and made no effort to interrupt the verbal threat.
The student was written up by the substitute when I was out the next day. She was our former athletic coordinator. Guess what admin said? “ Oh, the front office said that sub isn’t very good”. Are you kidding me?
I feel your pain. I taught school for 48 years, mostly Pre-K and kinder. One principal told me I couldn’t read fairy tales to my students because one of the parents complained that the fairy tales frightened her child. Fairy tales were part of our curriculum. This student was one of the worst behaved in the class and his parents would allow him to watch horror movies! Go go figure!
You shouldn’t feel that way. The reason being giving students a grade just so the school looks good will show up during testing times, and those students who should have a failing grade will not make the mark. The schools are only concerned with that part only and this is why behavior is a major problem
Molly,
Stand by your standards.
I see and hear you Molly! It is certainly the lack of support – from parents first, now some admin. We have GOT to do something and quick! Education is on FIRE! It’s an emergency! Those of us on the front lines see and deal with it every day.
Thank you for a so accurate account of what happens in the classroom.
Just those learners who press you for more work that makes these inconsequentials worth the effort.
What they do not understand that every “victory” they win now will eventually catch up to them and then then will ask what went wrong. The parents and administrators do not understand what disservice we are doing to them by being so “understanding”
YES!! ^
I SO agree with you on this point!!
So happy someone else articulated EXACTLY how I feel!
Parents have access to their student’s grades 24/7 and I grade almost daily. They claim they can’t SEE what “Joey” did or didn’t do. Because of this, I have asked for conferences, called home, & emailed and get that same bull$#%! question, “why didn’t anyone let me know he wasn’t turning in work?”
AMAZING! But yet they are perfectly able to receive (AND send), about 24 million texts to & from their kid (IN CLASS!, even though it violates the very behavior policy they BOTH signed off on!), but they somehow cannot master seeing the multiple attempts to contact them or master the act of looking up their kids grades!
AMEN!!! AMEN!!! 100% TRUTH!!!
I agree with you 100%. I think all of the strategies mentioned are good in theory and will work in some schools. If administration does not enforce the policies it creates, however, there is not much a teacher can do. Assigning detention is ineffective if an administrator will veto it. And looking directly at a student can be considered a form of intimidation/bullying. I feel this course should first be taken by administrators (be consistent, be professional, etc.) and then be taught to teachers and staff.
Maybe this will help. We do not have an ISS or detention room. Very small school, but sometimes you need a kid out of the room. So we teachers each created a desk away from the class in each room. And when you get to that point, you can send the child to a sister classroom. Often times this is enough to get things settled down and later the child can come back to class with no more problems.
I have been in your boat and it is really kind of dangerous. Because you can’t take care of the small, big things get out of hand quickly. I have a principal now, that if the sister classroom doesn’t work, he sends them home. It has helped immensely.
PLEASE HAVE YOUR PRINCIPAL/ADMIN COME TO THE REST OF OUR SCHOOLS ASAP!! Kudos to your admin.!!!!
I’m in a preschool classroom and we are experiencing the same problem. The kids directly tell us no when asked to do something. We are hit, kicked and cursed at. There are no consequences and we leave work feeling defeated daily. It’s a whole new world in the classroom
Same thing, only in kindergarten. And it’s absurd. And if we CONTINUE to put up with a horribly broken system, thinking that in some way we can “fix” it, we are quite deceived. It’s going to take teachers having the sheer guts to say NO and walk away from the position if we have to. If we going on trying to work within the chaos, which we can’t, it will only get worse. Parents, admins, etc. will only wake-up when they are forced to. But as long as we’re willing to put-up with it, it’s our own fault. What’s the definition of “insanity”? Well, we all know the answer to that question.
Since Kinder and pre-school are not mandatory, why can’t you tell the parents the kiddo just isn’t ready for school and tell them to bring the kiddo back when the little darling can do as they are asked/told and have matured? Every mother thinks her Goose is a Swan.. If parents use school as childcare, even in high school, it’s a red flag for behavior issues
We have the same problem. Staff quitting left and right which puts more stress on the rest of the staff because we loose our lunch and planning times almost every day. At this point the children run the school not the staff and it is so very frustrating. If we do not have strong leaders, I see no hope for us teachers or students.
I am a long term sub and I feel like I’m climbing a hill everyday. Students are so rude and seem to thrive on being mean or rude. When did it be okay to act this way? There are no consequences for their behavior from admin or parents. All I’m doing is trying to be an effective sub to follow a lesson plan. I’m long term because teachers are burnt out or just quit.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine. None of the old tried and true techniques stop the kids from misbehaving. There is nothing admin is willing to do that helps the situation. Consequences are nonexistent or not tough enough. Parents skip talking to the teacher and complain to admin that the teacher is being mean. (Meaning, I’m responding the same way I have been for 24 years, except I’m much kinder now.) Admin listens to the student’s story, then conducts a “covert investigation” to see what the teacher does in the classroom, tells the teacher the parent complained (without giving any guidance or having the parent come in for a meeting,) and the students continue to rule the roost. The only difference is that now I am painfully conscious of the fact that everything I say or do is being watched for the slightest human error. If a teacher of 24 years doesn’t have anything in her/his “toolbox” that will stop this behavior, I don’t even know what the newer teachers are doing or thinking. Sometimes I wonder if I really am the problem because I’m an older teacher. That makes me angry. I shouldn’t have to feel like my years of experience and knowledge are worthless now.
I, too, as a 26 year teacher feel exactly like this. It’s not us as this article and the other comments are indicating. Hang in there. I’m trying to, also.
Debi, this might seem like a simplistic concept, but it might be worth a try. It’s important for all educators to recognize that the word “discipline” comes from a Latin word which means “to learn.” Effective discipline is not about punishments, it is about “teachable moments” for educators to help students recognize that what they said or did was not acceptable and will not be tolerated. I’m sorry to read that you have a lack of admin support, but you still have the opportunity to use Michael’s recommendations to take charge of your own classroom environment. When you respond to inappropriate behavior with confidence and consistency, your students will appreciate the boundaries you’ve set for them. Kids truly want to know what they can get away with,… and what they can’t.
Your response does nothing to help the fact that teachers have zero authority left!!!!!!!!
Admin means nothing. Really. So you send the kid out of class, they return in a few minutes. Principal not calling the parents. YOU need to email parents….extreme ownership!!!!
Maybe you have to be different in the way you engage them.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I will definitely continue to present myself like a leader. So glad you mentioned the dress component. This information presented is critical.
Hello?!?! Dressing in a suit and tie is not going to change their disrespect disruptive behavior!! Nor will it give you any authority to enforce consequences or “teachable moments!” Those days are long gone! Schools are afraid of disappointing parents!! Teachers don’t have a leg to stand on!!
Disrespect is at an all time high. But this works. Most times with most students, I just now have to look at them to stop the behavior. I have been reading the blog for years and love it.
Thank you so much for this post! It was just what I needed. I have been slipping into allowing my frustration to show, and I am ashamed to say my volume and tone have reflected my frustration. I will recalibrate and start again with a more calm, deliberate attitude.
Yes, I too need to change my volume and tone.
Good email. I need to reread a few times to internalize. My current issue is that I have a senior class that acts like pre-K. Usually with my seniors I can do some fun activities, which takes extra prep & mental energy but I enjoy it….but this group has me at the state of “I’ll just cover whatever is in the text.” Example – yesterday the students had to go to school super early for a special event, so I thought it would be a nice break to walk to Starbucks (next to the school) & we would use those prices as data for a stats project.
When I tried to explain the rules of how this would work, they wouldn’t shut up for 5 min. When we left a couple students asked if they could stay at the office to study for a test, so I said “ok”. When we got to Starbucks 3 students didn’t bring masks so they said they would run back to the school to get one. Needless to say, they never came back…and when we all returned the students were all in my class by themselves, not in the front office, and one was missing.
I was livid but I didn’t let it show. I just asked why they didn’t stay in the office & where the missing student was. They said the office was too full once the other 3 came back and the other student was found.
I didn’t show anger. I just shut down the last couple minutes of class…..and I don’t ever feel like doing anything out of the ordinary for any of my classes right now.
Not sure what to do consequences-wise. Do I simply ding their grade for not following directions? Do I have a discussion on Mon to present my point of view. Not sure….maybe this is all just a sign that I think too much in my off hours about fun things to do and I need to stop doing that & just teach the material. It’s just hard bc when I was a student, if a teacher ever did something like this, I would think it’s the coolest thing ever. Maybe it’s as simple as most of my students are just ridiculously spoiled?? :/
Before leaving for Starbucks do the following: 1. Explain the purpose of the activity 2. Behavior expectations 3 make sure everyone has masks 4 everyone participates instead of staying behind to complete classwork. They could have done this by looking up Starbucks website so you would have to make the purpose of the walking trip clear and it has to relate to the Common Core Standards. Also remind them that they represent the school while they are out at a business.
I am not Michael Linsin, but I would imagine you would need to think through the things that could go wrong and develop a plan of consequences. Restate the goals to the class before starting and the consequences of not following through. Then follow through with consequences.
That was a great idea, but maybe you got the process in the reverse order. You could have supplied the data and organized a group to go to Starbucks, with an adult to supervise, once the assignment was complete. You would stay with the students who didn’t finish to keep them working. Better yet, maybe Starbucks would have given a gift card to everyone who completed the work. Visiting the Starbucks is a better reward than an incentive.
First, a “nice break” sounds like a party with no relationship to standards or expectations.
I think if I had tried to introduce something for a “nice break” and then they wouldn’t be quiet whilst explaining, I would have just said Never Mind.
If they would have sobered up and been attentive at that point, I would have explained expectations to the Nth degree.
And Finally, I would not have let part of the class do something else.
Once my slgebra teacher suddenly announced that we would walk across the road to downtown to eat pancakes for breakfast. even if we did not have any money or couldn’t enjoy the company of some of the sarcastic peers with whom you would never have fellowship in vain, especially if you prefer to be a loner or YOU WILL NOT PRETEND TO HAVE A CHOICE TO BE OF GOOD CHEER WHETHER AT SCHOOL OR ON VACATION AT CHRISTMAS, EASTER, ELECTION DAY, THANKSGIVING; EXCEPT MAYBE, UNLIKE MANY TWICE AND THREE TIMES YOUR AGE, DURING AN EVACUATION FROM
AN UNSCHEDULED BLIZZARD OR TROPICAL CYCLONE, because well, you are a child and you don’t have the competency to influence serenity, and the duty to leave is a case of respect when people are compelled to accept serenity not humiliating those who are perfectly “entitled” to be weak and wretched if they have to be
and if this grace to save them is
disavowed to be insufficient to their purposes to dare danger with false hope.. I finally figured out years later that it was to make fun of the mystery of solving for the unknown while thinking seriously that a good meal, as in “God is good, God is great, Let us thank him for the food on our plate”, solves everything to make it known—when my father proved that
we would never be forgiven of our shortcomings as we are seen “to be in need of” with a big stack of pancakes
after a short walk to the café, and my mother agreed by trying to prove it to others as a Geometry teacher.
I have one student who has disappeared twice during outings. Luckily, his mother is supportive and chided him about it-it is a safety issue and that’s been made clear to these high school kids. The consequence could be that they don’t get to participate in any more fun things and have to sit in ISS, if you have one, doing the assignment with more reading/writing/project rubric attached to it due the next day.
Excellent strategies!
A real problem, and often times their parents are worse. I think this is one of the reasons a lot of teachers are leaving.
I had a student swear at me, using pretty vulgar words. I calmly handed it, and later he said, “I don’t know why you said I was swearing at you, I was not.” Turns out he really didn’t know which words were swear words… “That’s just how my family talks.”
This is great dog training. Try biting their ear every once in a while to keep your alpha position.
Kids dont need alpha leadership when theg have been hurt and neglected for a year.
Are you serious right now? Are you even a teacher? We are there to teach. If they are rude, interrupting class, swearing, then they are stopping the learning of all students and they will not be learning how to be a empathetic person or a member of a functional society. You can give SEL while making sure all students are able to learn and be safe.
Exactly. It’s not either/or.
Kids need it more than EVER when they’ve been “hurt and neglected for a year.”
You know what limits and consequences say to a student? They say: “I CARE. I care about you. It MATTERS to me that you know exactly where the limits of this class are, and it MATTERS to me that you know you received the predictable and fair consequence; the same one ANY child will and has received when they’ve jeopardized others’ opportunities to learn – as well as their own. I care about you, and I will not allow you to become out of control with bigger and riskier misbehaviors while you try to find what it’ll take for me to stop you. Please don’t worry: you won’t have to put your hand on the stove to actually find out just how far you can go. I’ll stop you LONG before that. In fact, YOU’LL stop you long before that … because you’ll KNOW where the boundaries are. And we can get to the most important reason we’re here: to learn.”
Thank you for this response to Zyan.
Great comments, Molly. Thanks
Oh my God, wow. Thank you. I really needed this. After losing my sh** yesterday (for the very first time in my 20-year career) on a 7th grader on a field trip walk downtown, after he had refused all day to give up or put away his cell phone or earbuds and then actually walked into a light pole (!!), but STILL would not put them away or hand them over (we ended up planted on the sidewalk until his mother left work to come get him), I spent the entire evening wondering what on earth was happening at our school. The level of defiance and disrespect and blatant disregard for following rules, and the heroin-like addiction these students have to their phones, I was lower than I’ve been in a while. Thank you for this article. Could you now PLEASE write one on strategies to fight that addiction, especially when parents also seem unable to enforce cell phone rules at home? Please?
Yes, yes and yes! These are the skills and habits I have cultivated with thorough indoctrination from your many writings. And it is truth. Yesterday, when I gave an important responsibility to a group of four 7th grade boys, a few of their classmates asked me wonderingly, “Do you trust them?” and another even questioned my choice with, “You probably shouldn’t trust them.” I stated matter of factly that I DO trust them, and it will be fine. Then one of the more mature girls in the class faced the nay-sayers. She said, “We have a confident teacher. She knows what she’s doing.” Wow! To hear it from a student, publicly, that they see my confidence and my ability to manage the classroom, really meant the world. Turns out, my trust was not misplaced. The students in question handled their responsibility, well, responsibly. In large part, this is because SCM expectations have been ingrained since day one of the school year. I read about nightmares that other teachers are living through, and I cringe, because I’ve been there. If the teachers ask for help, I send them a private message, directing them to SCM. Your impact continues to widen, and I continue to be very grateful for your wisdom.
Spot on! Thanks!!
I have found this to be a problem as a supply teacher (substitute, on-call, occasional). I really lost my usually calm, laid-back attitude last week with a group who were so disrespectful it was mind-boggling. My job is to get through the day, following the teacher’s plans to the best of my ability. To be honest, most teachers and admin, just want to make sure that everyone is safe and there is no necessary paperwork. I was covering the same teacher for 3 days, and every time I saw this class, they just ignored me. They would walk into the class, take out their phones (which they weren’t supposed to be using), and just turn their backs on me and start talking. I tried all my tricks (I have been teaching for 15 years, as a homeroom teacher and Math and English), and none really worked. The ideas that you share are really good and needed to be started at the beginning of the year if you are a regular teacher. As a supply, there really is a fine balance. Sometimes, a class just has a bad dynamic and it won’t work. Although I was able to teach and clarify what they were learning in Math, they didn’t care.
I love all of your posts. They resonate so well with my teaching philosophy and my students. Thank you for sharing. I’m so glad I signed up to receive your regular insights.
These are the strategies I used before I retired 15 years ago. I finished using them with a part time teaching position for which I was hired , for six years at a private Christian school thereafter . Though they were not popular, they were effective, Great effective strategies ,
They do zero class work and are disrespectful when you ask the child to work but administration still will pass the student to higher grade levels. Administration does not back up teachers with consequences. Children roaming the halls. Where does it end?
The expectation for classroom control has to come from the building administrator, originating with the parents. Without that combination, good luck–you are on your own trying to manage a classroom. Understandable consequences WITH TEETH will work for most, and the office needs to be ready for the rest of them. Remember-with any group of kids, and more so as they get older, 85% will watch for what is expected and produce accordingly. 5% will defy any and all directions, and the remaining 10% will watch to find out which is dominant and will go with that. I did 41 years in public ed., incl. 2 as a HS VP.
Thank you, Michael, for all your work. Just wanted to add that it seems they are crueler to one another as well. Have heard this from others and see it. Also, I’m sure you have heard of the Tik Toc trends: tear up your school bathroom, poop on the floor, hit your teacher. All to be filmed. One of my fellow teachers got a random (out of the blue) email from a former student. It came while he was supposed to be in class at the high school. (We teach middle school. ) It was so cruel, mean, and hateful. Telling her how much he disliked her, that he acted like they were cool but they weren’t, he really hated her etc etc. I mention this just to be informative. We think it was in response to the Tic tok stuff. It makes me sad, but as you’ve said we have to keep on keeping on. We have a higher purpose and it’s not about how the kids react. Thank you!
About eye contact, I agree! I notice when I give my full attention to a speaker the class is more likely to model it. If I’m too busy monitoring my class’ behavior while a student is speaking, it actually undercuts the importance of the speaker. It’s unnerving, but it does work!
Also…..my students almost pushed me down the stairs at dismissal. I almost started swinging on them. At what point do you just determine an atmosphere is too dangerous and toxic for these strategies?
I was in education for 52 years and nothing today is the same as it was when I started teaching. I’d like to propose a few thoughts to validate what has been suggested, as those thing proposed do work for some students. One of the most important things is not to “personalize” student comments or defiance. Once we label a behavior as a challenge to our authority, we are done. Stay calm and realize that you are dealing with an immature mind, not an adult. What is right is some homes, is wrong in others. What is proper in one homes, is not in others. What is acceptable in one home, is not in another. Point? We are expected to lay down “rules or expectations” that are common and utilized in all family cultures, and that is impossible to do, for most of us had 25 different family cultures in the room at the same time. Level with the kids about your expectations. Try to give them something to “live up to” instead of a “rule” that is easy to break. For those students who continually “act out”, talk with them after class or after school and try to unlock and unmask the behaviors. Ask the kids what you can do to help them or assist them in doing what is expected. “What do you need from me, in order to help you and our relationship?” Most of the time, the kids are not rebelling against you, but against something at home or with other students. Most of all, give yourself a break. End the day sitting quietly and recount 10 things that you did during the day that assisted kids or that were positive. Leave the negative behind and meet tomorrow with a fresh mindset. We have no strategies that work for all students. The only person you can truly be responsible for is yourself. Stay calm. Don’t personalize and try to unmask the reasons for the behaviors.
There is so much wisdom in this comment. Thank you for taking the time to write it. Much love and respect!
But society has standardized laws and doesn’t give a hoot about what your home life is like. Having basic standard rules that apply to all at least gives you a foundation to start with.
The behavior that I am seeing this year that I don’t recall from the past is criticism. I cannot make a simple mistake without several students bringing it to my attention. It may be something simple like, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” and tomorrow is Saturday or something more legitimate like this assignment is due tomorrow and actually I am not requiring it for two days. What is not different is my humanness and my ability to make silly mistakes like this. What has changed is my students’ aggressiveness at catching my mistakes and pointing them out in an accusatory tone/manner. Friday, I saw a student walking into the classroom as we were lining up to go home. I thought she needed something so I turned to ask what she needed when she kindly picked up an absent student’s chair and put it on his desk for me. So I said, “Thank you _______!” Apparently, another student had put up a chair also but I didn’t see it so she said to the student I had spoken to, “Oh fine, she thanks you but not me.” We were getting ready to walk out the door to pick up and I just ignored her comment as if I hadn’t heard it. In hind sight, I think that maybe I could have said,”I didn’t see you. Thank you.” I don’t know. Just getting tired of being under a microscope and having all my shortcomings pointed out. Still, I appreciate your advice and I think for the most part I live up to your suggestions. Being reminded by you of a few of the things that I do right is bucket-filling. Thank you!!
I want to say thank you! I read the article, but it’s the posts from you wonderful teachers that I find so valuable.
I went to college at 48.
I’m now 51 and begin student teaching in January. I am both excited and terrified. I love learning from those in the classroom, especially about classroom management. Thank you again!
I began student teaching when I was 55. I’ve been teaching now for 10 years, and it’s the best job I’ve ever had. There are big challenges, but also lots of supports such as this blog and its readers. Best of luck to you!
I am a new teacher with no experience formally teaching, but lots of experience with the age group (middle school). Everyone knows middle school students are one of the hardest age groups to teach due to immaturity, impulsivity, fluctuating hormones, lots of social and emotional changes, while at the same time being as physically big as an adult in some cases. Add into that the COVID experience of the last two years, and we have what we are seeing now. The students I am teaching are some of the rudest and most mean-spirited I have ever encountered. As some others have said, when you try to go out of your way to do something extra fun for them, they shut it down before it even starts with a sour disposition, rude comments, complaints, and disruptive behavior. When you stop the activity after they behave that way, they don’t care that they did not get to do the “special” thing. I think it is sad. They can’t enjoy anything. They are so programmed (perhaps by social media, idk) to be negative and harassing at all times. I have taken note of the suggestions you gave here because I need help. I am an authoritative speaker with authoritative posture/classroom presence and good projective voice…but when I read through your comments I found I am apparently doing a lot wrong! I need to dress better, remain calm and never let ’em see me sweat no matter what they say or do, and follow through with consequences every time. I have not yet e-mailed parents about behavior and disruption and I think it is overdue that I start doing that. My students don’t listen and seem to make a game out of being as disruptive, rude, and uncooperative as possible. I find they don’t want to do any schoolwork at all, but resort to manipulations (with our without parental involvement) to get a decent grade “at the last minute”. Everything I read here has happened to me in my classroom, including a physical assault by a man-sized 7th grader during a field trip. It is hard not to get worn-down by this. I have understood you to say that they cannot change, so I must. They will react differently to a different “ME”. At least, I hope they do.
Here’s my take- high school students do not work, pay taxes, vote , or ever served in the military. They are not bloody adults. If teachers sustain this disrespect, simply suspend or in some cases, expel them. Schools are not mental health agencies. If your student is a train wreck emotionally, parents own this, not the public education systems. Administrators and site leaders need to not cater to this concept of free and public education if their children can’t simply demonstrate decent behavior ,
Wow- seems like the goal is total compliance over any compassion, curiosity about the behavior, or attempts to connect. Many of these students have experienced unimaginable trauma over the past 18 mos. Demanding eye contact from many kids who avoid it due to anxiety, spectrum, or a need to disengage for a moment does what? Teaches total compliance? Which serves them how? Fidgeting or side conversations are things adults also do at times and many have roots in sensory needs. Students who don’t “perform” often do so because of a lack of interest, engagement, connection or because they can’t (learning difference/tough home situation/don’t know how). Check out Beyond Behaviors by Mona Delahooke for more if you are interested in a bottom up approach that looks at the root causes of behaviors.
Yes! You’re right on here.
Beautiful sir.
I admit I did not read all of the responses above. Rarely do I comment in this manner. I am what is called a “dinosaur” in my school. Nonetheless, good stuff! This, of course, should be applicable to administration, boards of education and parents. Teachers are an integral key to student development but only one part. When students see outbursts from parents, retorts from board members and listless superintendents not leading the district, I am fighting an uphill battle in my classroom.
So I do all of these things in my music classes, but it still disrupts the flow of learning. When kids talk over me, I stop and pause, make eye contact, etc. While I’m paused, three other kids yell out. Now they’re yelling back and forth and have to settle more than just one kid. This takes time away from learning. I’m not supposed to send kids to the office so I can’t remove the offenders from my class. I can assign detention but most of them don’t care if they get it and it doesn’t deter their behavior. Phone calls home are practically useless. What consequences can I make for this bad behavior? I’m at a loss.
This post and these comments make me feel like I am not, or will I ever be, a good teacher. I don’t think I’m capable of behaving this way.
A good teacher tries to get to the why behind behaviors and values relationships and learning over compliance and control. Many of these kids have been trapped in horrible homes, isolated, and stuck on screens for over a year. Compassion and connection over seeking submission and control. Often we are the only positive adult in a child’s life.
I get this.
Thanks. Good reminders.
On the topic of eye contact: I have a habit of maintaining eye contact where needed for positive interactions and using my hands to gesture at students I know are off task WITHOUT eye contact. For example tapping a desk to redirect or a snap and point while keeping my eyes on the topic.
You have described several attributes that very few people are capable of consistently maintaining. Especially in a traditional school setting. The confrontation and power struggle teachers experience on a daily basis is exhausting. I have only seen a few individuals in my entire career who can achieve this level of control with unwavering consistency. They are amazing teachers. There are not enough adults who have these skills to serve our youth. Moreover, these skills translate to leadership and success in the private sector where the money and upward mobility are much more accessible. It’s the system that needs to change. Teachers are exhausted, insisting that they need to do more now more than ever increases the feeling of inaptitude, lowers confidence, and makes the mountain seem higher. It’s not normal or natural for a person to handle daily confrontation and disrespect in a calm confident way and it shouldn’t be. Adults are leaving the profession because the inter-personal skills you have outlined are insurmountable. We talk about “finding the why” behind student behavior but we refuse to change the very system that has failed them and adults who teach them.
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Where in the article does it address acknowledging the trauma of what students have been through? Or how systemic racism plays into our daily life at home and school? Or how some educators have not examined their beliefs and biases around “disrespect”? Where is the center on what students need from us as the adults and how to address what they are missing? This article is compliance focused, not student centered.
Kevin and Silvia, thanks for your responses. They are both good practical suggestions.
Wow!!! What did I just read 🤦♂️
Try this – Playfulness (relaxed body posture laugh it off as you don’t know what’s behind this. Make light of the “disrespect” even have fun with it
Acceptance – Accept their perception as this is their immediate believes. Go against this and it’s an argument. Acceptance doesn’t mean we agree with what’s happened
Curiosity – Suggest alternatives, through choice and collaborate, discuss better outcomes and make them curious. This is the 1st step for them to rationalise and regulate
Empathic – Paraphrase verbally let them know your listening. Paraphrase on their emotion letting them know you see them and care
This is all about connection and trust. Once the brain 🧠 connects and the adults change the child will follow
What consequences do you use? We are 10 weeks in to 2022, and frankly very little is working:
* sister classroom with a disrespect paper
* parent calls – which can go south (making them no fun to do)
* sending the student home
What other things can be done? I am not talking a kid blurting out at the wrong time. Or saying something that he shouldn’t. Or tossing something across the room. These behaviors are easily handled in the classroom.
I am talking, refusing to do as directed, swearing loudly and aggressively, aggressive physical contact, loud interruptions that will not stop, lyingly accusing me of being wrong, stealing, destroying in class property, throwing food.
Now add 5 of those kids to a classroom. They feed on each other.
So you are always talking about your consequences, WHAT ARE THEY?
THANK YOU FOR SPELLING THIS OUT TO THE author of this site!!!!
It is impossible to sustain this type of work environment, nor should it ever be considered!!! Our school systems are incredibly BROKEN when the chronic disrespectful behavior from students is tolerated and expected!!!! Teachers have no authority left!!
Disrespect from students, already bad before COVID, is now off the scale, and individual teachers (apart from the exceptional few) are essentially powerless to do more than endure what is increasingly unendurable.
Only a collective approach can have any impact against the societal, social-media driven culture of freedom, licence and disrespect which students bring with them into schools. Such a collective approach should of course be initiated and driven by school administration. But any such initiative, rare in any case, tends to end up devolving the burden of behaviour management back on to the individual teacher, with the result that they continue to feel isolated and demoralised.
A collective approach really is the only answer. For the traditional “teacher-as-king/queen-of-his/her-classroom” model is no longer fit for purpose. The challenge of student disruption, abuse and disrespect needs to be answered by a staff body which is united AS a staff body, and which is collectively responsible for delivering a whole school behaviour management strategy. It can no longer be solely or even primarily the remit of teachers as individuals, individuals already stretched to their emotional limit, where it will only lead to further frustration and distress.
It is natural for teachers to just keep quiet and struggle on, on the assumption that the traditional model is the only model. But it is not, and they should not. We deserve better, and so, frankly, do students.
Disrespect is continuing to be a major problem in the schools. Disrespect for teachers and peers is allowed to the point of violence, bullying and destruction of property. Students have to be tracked for a year or more sometimes before anything is done about terrible disruptive behavior, but other students see this and find out there are no consequences. If students misbehave at a young age, staff will wait a year or more to begin addressing the issue. If students misbehave enough, they are labeled with a disability and then given a pass for most of their bad behavior. Parents do not have to suffer any consequences for the behavior of their children. All of this falls on the teacher and the other students in the classroom trying to learn. The sad thing is that this system does not benefit the student with the bad behavior, and does not respect the rights of all of the other students to learn. It is a lose lose situation for all teachers and administration. Many staff may want to see things get better, but the county will not support such change. I understand there are laws in place to ensure equal education for all, but at many times the education of the disrespectful/disruptive student is not equal because they do not have the social skills to learn in the environment they are kept in but instead need to be in a setting, where they can be taught social and behavioral skills that will make them successful in life. Leaving them in the classroom to be coddled and allowed to continue bad behavior is detrimental to them and society. It’s really hard to make a big difference when our hands are tied and we cannot have high expectations for our students.
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It does take a lot. Many have given up. In fact, I often question the reason for doing the work, in spite of the complete disregard and contempt that I am shown. It takes a lot to keep doing this work. Children would rather watch tiktok because it’s easy and pallatable.
I appreciate the tips, as I am always striving to improve.
I read the first line and thought – there it is – an excuse. The disrespect among students has nothing to do with COVID. It all started waaaay before then. This has been coming since the beginning of public education. Each generation of administrators has lower expectations of students than the previous. They’re a bit lazier than the previous – they don’t want to deal with student behaviors – it takes too much time. This is where we’ve ended up and it will continue until someone has the you know what to stand strong. I could go on and on but I’ll leave it at that.
Hi,
My first time here. I am a veteran teacher from grades k-4 (currently 4th for many years). It’s just one of those years where 2 students have been able to get some of the best, sweetest students, to join in with disrespectful comments and and act without accountability. I actually am not sure how it got this far this year so I am here to reflect and get a fresh perspective.
I am often recognized for having excellent classroom management and good relationships with students.
There were two of the students today who I’ve known for a long while and really like, and they became combative. It was so surprising, but all of what they were saying, how they were saying it and even the tone was EXACTLY like those 2 that I have that are the most challenging.
It’s the first time in many years, I was very teary (after they went to lunch).
I read the part about not talking with them about it or lecturing actually surprised me. This is usually what I would do, but privately. Is even privately not recommended?