Trapped and muted. Dreams shattered into pieces. Forced inside and away from the friendships that mean so much to them and the school that centers their life.
Our students are hurting.
So what do you say to them? How do you ease their pain? How do you provide comfort without putting your foot in your mouth or making things worse?
How?
You recite the following three phrases from that place in your own heart that knows suffering, loss, and disappointment.
“It’s okay to be sad.”
Sadness is part of living in a fallen world. It’s always with us, like a fault line running through granite batholithe. Denying it or pretending it doesn’t exist just makes students feel worse.
When you acknowledge it, however, when you confess that it’s part of being human, and that it’s okay, then they don’t feel so alone.
They don’t feel so weird and ostracized.
Social media tells them that if they’re not happy, then there is something wrong with them. You must counter this message with the truth.
You must tell them, say to them every day if need be, that sadness is a normal response to bad things happening in our life.
“It will get better.”
Children don’t have the life experience to fully grasp that the pandemic is temporary. It feels to them like the end of the world, like the life they once knew is over.
But it isn’t true. And they need an adult like y0u they trust and respect to set the record straight. This nightmare they’re living through shall pass.
They can still pursue their dreams to the full.
Coming from the right person, this message can have a powerful impact. It can give them just the encouragement they need to hang in there for just a few more weeks.
It can help them prepare, adjust, strategize, and be ready and excited to hit the ground running on a life that must be lived.
“You can overcome.”
Your belief in your students and what they’re capable of means everything to them. I know from experience. I had a teacher change my life because he saw something in me no one else did.
This alone, and nothing else, was enough.
Like Andy Dufresne escaping Shawshank, once that belief took root inside me, I was ready to crawl through sewage to reach my own dreams.
The human spirit can overcome great obstacles. Your stories and examples are important, to be sure. Lincoln, Mandela, Keller, Beethoven, Tubman, Hawking, Shackleton, Robinson, to name a few, have proven it can be done.
But it’s your unshakable belief in your students and their ability to grow and contribute and live productive lives that will have the greatest impact.
Believe in your students and it will come through in your every word and gesture. And it will change them.
Fields of Gold
Living through what Churchill called “the black dog” and coming out stronger than before isn’t easy, but with the support of people who care and understand, it’s possible.
The problem is that people are in short supply.
Some students haven’t seen their friends in nearly a year—or only from a distance—and their family may be too preoccupied with trying to survive themselves to notice.
But you can fill the void. You can offer hope and comfort by remembering the three phrases above and expressing them from the empathetic depths of your own setbacks and disappointments.
Let your strength be their strength.
It may seem as if you’re not needed much these days. Your lessons are dumbed down. Your expectations have bottomed out.
Masks, plexiglass barriers, physical distance, and in some cases even miles of radio waves stand between you and your students.
No matter. They need you more now than at any other time in your career. So I urge you, be that one teacher who sees through the forest to the fields of gold beyond.
Be that one teacher who tells the truth and then walks with them hand-in-hand through the valley of the shadow of death.
And to the other side.
PS – If you suspect a student is suffering from more than normal sadness due to life circumstances, then refer them to your school psychologist.
You can also call your local police for a check-in or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.
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This has touched me more than any other article I’ve read, here or anywhere else. School was my refuge as well, from the chaos and violence happening in my home. As a teacher in a high-poverty population, I feel this sadness and depression from many of my students. For 8 year olds, some of them hide it pretty well. Thanks for reminding us to put ourselves in the shoes of an 8, 12, 17 year old, and then respond.
I too am teaching in high poverty – and this is a bit simplistic. School psychologist? ha, social welfare, really? I currently have a kid that is living in a small house with 21 other people.
I try… an I am required to teach SEL/Lakota class, but sometimes, I feel like I am poking in wounds, just to cause pain, not make anything better…
This is hard.
I empathisize with your very real issues and am so sad that so many schools have been virtual. My amazing district has been open with students since 8/30, 5 days per week and the students are thriving. The words in this article are so profound that I hope every teacher in America could have access to them! “It’s ok to be sad. Things will get better. You can overcome this.”
This is hard. It is OK to be sad. It will get better. Your efforts are worthwhile. I hope you find some peace.
This is one of your most beautiful pieces yet, and it really hits home. Thank you, Michael, for speaking truth and hope.
Thank you.
Excellent and common sense article! Well done!
Just to add another thought to reinforce students dealing with emotions. Remember – a feeling is a unique and a natural response to a situation. Feelings shouldn’t be judged or labeled good or bad, male or female. The are neutral and unique to each person.
Thanks,
Jim
Your intentions seem good, but this doesn’t make sense to me. Feelings can indeed be good or bad. Despair and hopelessness, for example, are never a good feelings.
Let’s just speak the truth like Michael does here, which then brings hope, instead of feel-good phrases that are actually nonsense. Children are quick to see through things without substance.
Jim, your intentions seem good, but this doesn’t make sense to me. Feelings can indeed be good or bad. Despair and hopelessness, for example, are never good feelings.
Children are quick to see through feel-good statements without substance. Let’s just speak the truth like Michael does here, which then brings real hope,
This is your best article. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. So now I know the reason behind why you are especially sensitive, caring and respectful when it comes to class management practices! How I wish I could get some mean teachers I know to read about your class management style, which is dignifying without being permissive. Also, thank you for courageously coming forward about your own painful childhood. You are a voice for the voiceless.
In my childhood, I was abused to the point that I tried to kill myself in high school. As a result, I viewed life from an internal locus of shame. The flashpoint was when my biology teacher let the whole class know he was giving me and another student grades of D- for not having turned in our research papers. He was so much like my dad: verbally abusive, sarcastic, and just plain mean. His class motivation style was humiliation. Ironically, he was so unapproachable that he left me with no one to ask for help with my research paper. (My mom was not interested in helping me, either. She was just trying to get through her own stress.) It would have been so easy to help me, too, as I was stuck on finding a topic that had enough resources but that was not too broad. As you said, young people lack a frame of reference; to them, nothing is temporary. As an honors student, I couldn’t live with the shame so I tried to end it all.
To compound matters, I had been intimately abused by one of my *admirable* older relatives with whom I had to live every day. My parents chose to protect him when they found evidence and I told on him. It was just a matter of time before I reached the breaking point.
Because of my own experiences and ones I’ve heard in support groups, I know that there are many students out there with a lot of emotional pain. More of us need to speak out on their behalf. They could be on the brink of ending ot all.
Thank you again for reminding us what a positive difference we can make.
I couldn’t have said it better. I noticed that the kindest teachers–and people, for that matter–are often those who have been abused in some way and want to prevent and help heal others’ pain. I’ve defused difficult students who were regularly thrown out of class just by speaking kindly and genuinely asking what was wrong and how I could help.
Now I too know better why I liked the SCM approach best of all those I’ve seen.
Thank you for sharing your painful experiences and helpful insight. Such care we teachers shall extend to those students who seem to be/ have a ‘problem’ that gets in ‘our’ way. For them- for you- we are placed here. May we recognize, accept, and respond with grace, love, insight and action as directed from above. No amount of busy-ness, deadlines, tiredness or pressure should ever take precedence over the precious people placed in our path. Lord, bless every student who is in need with a friend, or teacher, or positive classroom environment to pull them through and hold them up with your help. We, ourselves, are very blessed in the process.
This article has touched me to the core. God bless you!
Agreed!!!!! Great article!!!!!!
So powerful! Thank you.
Powerful and right on to the issues our students are yet to face as reopen next week. Where teachers are wobbling with positive classroom management styles, students are likely to be plunged into learning ditches after lockdowns. Our lower primary and kindergarten have been out school close to a year . The learning loss is quite enormous. This article is really helpful with practical tips. Many thanks
Thank you. A powerful message.
Michael,
Thank you for these words of encouragement . No matter the situation or age of the students we are blessed to serve, I think we can make a true difference by saying these three things. By helping our students get through trying times, we in turn help ourselves get through. As teachers, helping our students is our purpose.
I read and value everything you send. Your emails always help me focus on what is important.
Very informative. Thank you!
What a powerful article. Thank you for sharing and for inspiring us.
Well said, Reassuring article to encourage us all. Thanks really appreciate you sharing.