You fire up your laptop to check your school email and the first thing you notice is the subject line: “Junior’s Grade”
Noooooo!
Complaints about grades are difficult to handle because it’s hard to know how to respond in a way that both you and the parent can feel good about.
If you stand firm, you’ll likely anger them.
If you adjust the grade, you’ll give up your integrity.
Luckily, there is a third option.
Here’s how it works:
Step #1 – Speak to the parent.
Email communication is innately cold. No matter what you say, you risk being misunderstood. You risk appearing harsh and unsympathetic, which is the last thing you want.
Thus, it’s best to speak directly to the parent—if not in person, then over the phone. This way, you control the tone and spirit of your message, which is even more important than what you actually say.
Step #2 – Listen.
Your first order of business is to just listen and grasp the crux of their complaint. You must get to the bottom of why they’re unhappy. Often, it’s different than you expect.
As they’re speaking, show that you’re listening and taking their concerns seriously by adding mm-hmms and uh-huhs.
Sometimes, this is all they really want; to be heard and to voice their frustration. Wait until they’re finished, and waiting for you to speak, before addressing their concerns.
Step #3 – Give the why.
Affirm the grade the student received and why they received it. Keep it simple: “Manny missed five of ten questions on the exam, which according to the school grading policy is an F.”
This underscores the importance of being ready to account for the ‘why’ of every grade you give.
“His work wasn’t at grade level” doesn’t cut it. You must be able to share a percentage, score, unmet standard, rubric, inventory, key, or other objective measure. Always, always, always.
Step #4 – Provide a way forward.
To ensure the parent walks away from your meeting feeling hopeful, provide steps their child can take to improve their grade. Essentially, you’re shifting responsibility back to the student, where it belongs.
“Katie needs to study the review sheet and be sure she knows it well before taking the next test.”
“Dimitri must correct his grammatical errors and rewrite the essay.”
“In order to score well on the next test, Ana must keep up with her nightly homework.”
With the parent’s understanding of the grade, and what it takes to improve it, you’ll empower them to help and support their child. They’ll also leave the meeting with a greater appreciation of you.
The Way of Truth
The simple four-step strategy above is proven to address grade-related complaints in a way that satisfies the parent and benefits the child. It also allows you to maintain your grading integrity.
It’s important to emphasize that a calm and friendly demeanor is the number one key to a successful meeting with parents. Any defensiveness or hostility from you will sabotage the process.
It may even encourage a complaint to your principal.
So keep your cool, tell it like it is, and it will work out well. The truth, after all, rendered kindly and explained clearly, has a way of doing that.
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Excellent advice! You cannot beat a friendly exchange on the phone. Transparency is everything.
You have to avoid “positional arguments” and deescalate the parent at the start of the conversation. In addition, you have to build relationships with parents before such complaints. Separate the parent from the complaint. Focus on the solution instead of position. Invent option for mutual gain. All can be done while holding integrity etc.
Mr. Lucky, MA
Leadership and Educators Conversation Training
Listen, keep calm and don’t get caught. You’re right there. We need to appreciate parents who communicate with teachers concerning the grade of their children. That means they are in our side. Both teacher and parent want the child to be successful academically . Thank you for this article.
Thank you!
Great stuff!
Listen with empathy first. Respond by speaking the truth of the matter kindly: explain the concrete why of the grade and then the steps of how to move forward.
Yes, we’re both on the same side and both want the student’s success! I wish more people emphasized this kindness and win-win approach. Let’s put ourselves in the parents’ shoes and be understanding.
I agree, we all need a little more empathy! I’m often amazed by how common the us-versus-them mentality can be among teachers when they talk about parents. It’s very difficult to work well with someone when you make a habit of blaming them.
Excellent Advice! Thanks so much!
I was just wondering- part of SCM’s approach is to leave work at school. When are these phonecalls supposed to take place?
The best I can say is to communicate with your parents early, often and regularly about the progress/like of progress of your students before assigning a grade time is near. Keep daily, weekly and accumulative scores where the parent can evaluate the progress of their child. No one wants to be assigned an below average grade and especially without notice that it is going to happen. No parent will admit their child has failed! You must prove the work in progress. However, I seldom, if ever will share the parent’s point of view as far as grading is concerned.
As the substitute teacher, I am not often directly in communication with the parent directly.