You pour your heart into your job. You love your students, even when they’re not so lovable.
You plan and create interesting lessons and deliver them with energy.
So when a student complains, often within full earshot of the class, it can be infuriating.
Few things get under a teacher’s skin as deeply.
“Why do we have to do this?”
“This is sooo boring.”
“Oh no, not that again.”
It can take willpower not to reply with a sharp, “Because I said so” or “So sad, too bad.” It can be hard not to glare, fume, and hold a private grudge.
But if you can pause for a moment and remember how important it is not to create friction with your students, then you can all but eliminate complaining from your classroom.
Here’s how:
Smile
After pausing to collect yourself, your best response is to smile. Really. Just smile. They may be having a bad day. They may be tired or frustrated with something that has nothing to do with you. In which case, a smile can lighten their load.
Remember
It helps to remember that they’re just kids, and complaining is part of growing up. It’s in their DNA, and okay. While it’s smart to reflect on your lessons and how to make them better, occasional student complaining is rarely a sign you’re doing something wrong.
Empathize
Sometimes a genuine smile is all you need. But if they persist, tell them that you understand—because you do. You too were a student once and have experienced your fair share of frustration and resistance to hard work.
Explain
Students get irritated when they don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing. So tell them. Be transparent. Studies show that when you use the word ‘because’ you’ll experience greater influence and buy-in, even if the reason is nonsensical.
Smile
There is no need to belabor the point. Give a quick reason—“because it improves your writing skills”—and then finish with warm eye contact and a final smile, or even a chuckle. You’ll usually get one in return.
Embracing the Challenge
Becoming a good student takes discipline and learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and as teachers we should be absolutely unapologetic about pushing the envelop every day on what they can do.
Feeling at times overwhelmed or daunted by the challenges you place before them is something all students experience. If they don’t, then they’re not growing and we’re not doing our job.
The key to getting them through those tough moments is your empathy and unwillingness to take their complaining personally.
When they know that through their struggles and weak moments you have their back—that you get it, you’ve been there, and you still believe in them—then they become empowered to overcome them.
They fight through the tedium.
They set aside their compulsion to complain and avoid difficulty, and instead embrace it as part of the pursuit of excellence you live and breathe and pursue every day.
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Thank you, Michael. As I ready myself for parent/teacher conferences next week your message reminded me of how often it’s the little things that can make all the difference. It’s TRUE that on the days I smile the most my students are more responsive and stay engaged.
I needed this message today! Definitely experienced a similar situation yesterday in class and became everything you described in this post. Thanks for taking your time to help teachers and give methods that actually work!
Yes, I agree. I try to sound positive as I give them a short response. Then I include, “If you want more of an explanation, just stay back from recess and we can discuss it further.”
Absolutely….once more….the focus these days from “on high” is on making students feel comfortable like you would for them at a hotel or restaurant. We don’t ever want students to feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable and they know better than we professionals do is the “prevailing wisdom” of the day.
I always “teach” about this when I am teaching the rules. I include it under “Respect your classmates and your teacher”. We specifically talk about complaining and saying things like “This is boring” or sighing loudly, and how that is not respectful to the teacher or the classmates. Students come up with reasons why it is not acceptable, such as “It brings a negative feeling to the activity”, “It’s rude”, etc… Then I select students to demonstrate and dramatize examples of how to complain and they act it out. Then I dramatize exactly how I will respond to complaints like this by giving a warning. It’s really fun for the students and they love doing examples of what not to do.
The earlier this week my students whined loudly when I asked them to get out a particular assignment. I can’t stand whining from anybody at any age so I dramatically said, “Oh, I hope that’s not whining I hear! We don’t whine in 2nd grade. You might have in kindergarten or 1st but not in 2nd. It’s simply not allowed. Remember I don’t ask you to do anything you’re not capable of”. Then we got to work. I haven’t any whining since.
I really like this approach Karen. I’m not telling you to do anything you’re not capable of doing.
When we start LEAP practice or some other assignment I know will bore us all, I give the kids 10 seconds to complain and after that I don’t want to hear it. “Turn and talk to your neighbor on voice level 2 to complain while I count down from 10!” My kids know I have to read from a script and that I would not have chosen this material but it’s what we have to do and we have to do our best in all things. I reward them for hard work and a good attitude with appropriate music and maybe an art activity afterwards usually does the trick.
I feel I have a good rapport with my students and they know I love them. When I hear a complaint or whining “Do we have to do this, it’s so boring…” I get a “shocked” look on my face and say, “Was someone whining??” They usually stop and I say, “Whew, I’m glad that’s over with. Whining gives me the chills!” Then I smile and wink at them. They laugh and I smile and they get to the task. I try not to take their comments personally, but I let them know they aren’t acceptable either. It’s kind of fun.
I love your response! Great job!
It’s like you read my mind with the perfect post at the moment I needed it!!!
Is there a printed version of the Elementary Classroom Plan for purchase available?
Do you have audiobooks?
From a teacher who wants to learn more but never has the time to read
I’ve been a fan of your philosophy for a while but this is your best advice yet!
I face this kind of attitude “boring or showing no interest at all” but one thing always control the situation and completely change it, is that when I challenge them within a game or move the lesson to a musical presentation
Believe me it always works to attract student attention.