Likability is a key principle of SCM—because it makes building rapport effortless.
It causes students to want to listen to you, please you, and behave for you.
It helps make your consequences matter.
Being disliked, on the other hand, makes classroom management far more difficult.
It’s the reason many teachers struggle year after year, why they find themselves pleading, arguing, and bribing just to get through the day.
The problem with turning it around, however, is that it can be hard to know why your students feel the way they do.
In that spirit, what follows are seven reasons your students may dislike you.
1. You’re inconsistent.
When you’re inconsistent, students believe—and rightly so—that your classroom management plan isn’t applied fairly and equally to everyone. That you play favorites.
This causes resentment and animosity. It casts doubt on everything you say.
It’s hard to like someone who goes back on their word and can’t be trusted to protect them and their right to learn from disruption, chaos, and the like.
2. You’re disorganized.
Respect is closely linked to likability. If your room is cluttered and you have papers strewn atop your desk, if you appear rushed and underprepared, then your students won’t view you as a leader worth following.
Your ability to influence and speak with power and authority will be limited.
The sharpness and snap that exemplify a well-run classroom, and that keep students on their toes, moving forward, and purpose-driven, will be nonexistent.
They may think you’re funny or a nice person, but if they don’t respect you, then there will be no meaningful likability.
3. You’re unclear.
Not knowing what is expected for any length of time during the school day is massively frustrating for students. It causes excitability, poor listening, and the desire to misbehave.
To be looked up to and appreciated, you must guide your students in detail from one lesson, routine, and transition to the next. There should never be a question of what success looks like.
Feeling it and experiencing it often, even in small doses, can be life-changing.
4. You talk too much.
Your words must matter. Each and every one must count and have a definitive purpose. Because the more you talk and repeat yourself, the greater the chance you’re going to lose your students.
No one likes people who go on and on, especially without a clear point.
It’s hard to listen to. It appears selfish and can cause animosity in even the youngest students. Being concise, on the other hand, is easy on the ears and always appreciated.
5. You’re suffocating.
In an effort to give as much of themselves as possible for their students, many teachers end up doing too much. They over-help. They rush around giving needless hints and suggestions.
They kneel down, hot-breath close and usher in learned helplessness.
This, in turn, removes personal pride, independence, and intrinsic motivation. It’s annoying. It’s suffocating. It’s instinctively and rebelliously unwanted.
6. You’re boring.
Well-liked teachers are constantly assessing how their students are responding to instruction. They’re in tune with energy levels and how long their class has been sitting, listening, or engaged in concentrated work.
They keep things fresh and moving. They use humor and novelty. They generously put themselves in their students’ shoes.
Teachers who blindly go about their day, on the other hand, thinking only of how they’re feeling and what they need to accomplish, will always struggle with student boredom, disatisfaction, and disfavor.
7. You’re grumpy.
It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. If you’re stressed and cranky, tired and in a bad mood, then you’re going to have a tough time being liked.
Especially if it seeps into your response to misbehavior.
Lecturing, scolding, questioning, and other acts of intimidation don’t work in this day and age. They only sabotage your own peace and enjoyment and bring about more misbehavior, not less.
Who You Are
All things being equal, being likable gives you a huge advantage over your colleagues.
It makes every key area of classroom management—from listening to motivation to the efficacy of your consequences—much, much easier.
It gives you the leverage you need to mold your students into the well-behaved class you really want.
But it takes being honest with yourself about your professional shortcomings. It takes coming to grips with areas of weakness and making the necessary changes that make likability predictable.
Something you no longer have to think about or even try to cultivate.
Just part of who you are.
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Good advice, but you forgot the most important one. You’re not a man.
What do you mean by ‘you’re not a man’? I don’t understand what that has to do with students liking a teacher.
Yes. I totally agree on this. If you implement the exact same thing in a class but one teacher is a woman and the other is a man, the students will not challenge the man as much as they would a woman.
Yes I agree! I had a teacher on my team, a man. He could do all the things and he was the favorite! I did them and I am “doing too much.”
Not sure about that one. My students constantly say they get value in my classes and I’m an older woman . I do however teach young adults. I think the age of the students makes a difference about how open they are to things like age, gender, ethnicity, etc. I’d encourage people to believe in themselves, inject some feminist ideas into their lessons if possible, and try to focus on what is working and going well even though things can be tough.
I am a full time substitute teacher that has been well-liked and respected by my school district for 3 years. However, last week something outrageous and heart breaking happened for the first time ever. Some disgruntled students at the middle school told an outrageous lie about me which has caused the district to cut me off from teaching at the middle school and high school until they finish their investigation regarding the students statement. I told the administrators at each school, having known and respected me for 3 years, did it sound like something I would say to students. They replied that it is definitely out of character but that they still must investigate before they can let me teach again.
To make matters worse, what I was alleged to say was emailed to all schools within the district. My reputation means everything to me. I don’t believe they should have sent the statement out until they did their investigation.
What can I do. I’m so upset.
Lee,
The truth will come out, I wish you the best. Keep your chin up.
Very sorry to read of this Lee. As an occasional teacher, you have to be extra-vigilant. Very often, disgruntled students and sometimes their families will simply look for the perceived weakest link in the chain and there is a good chance that could be an occasional teacher, as they (the students) feel that any accusations against permanent teachers will not be taken seriously. Have you been in contact with your union about this?
As you travel from school to school, try to develop a sense of students who may be disgruntled, disenchanted etc. If bullying and intimidation is taking place among the students, it will not take much for it to be extended to the occasional teacher, no matter how competent and capable they appear to be.
Lee
Yes, the truth will come out! I do empathise with you as well. My only hope is that in the event that you are found innocent, the administrators have to do justice by reimbursing any money that you have lost in the mean time and, more importantly, make a formal public declaration that you were innocent. Also an investigation of what led the students to such wrongdoing should be in place, action being taken as need be.
I wish that justice prevails.
I feel for you, Lee. I’ve been through the same. Keep your cool as difficult as it is. Stick to your guns. Sadly, everything is always the teachers’ fault these days and students know it. It’s been like this for the past 25 years or so. Obviously, if they have come from parents who also took advantage of the nouveau system, such as let-kids-run-free-or-they-can-sue-you, they will only be worse now. Hope everything goes in your favour. Things worked out for me in the end and the truth came out, but my self-esteem was destroyed and I was never able to teach children again.
Sick and tired of teachers being demonised for everything. I’m not talking about the real disorganised, boring, uncaring teachers. I refer to those professionals who give everything they can, their own soul to their teaching jobs, just to be ridiculed, disrespected and end up in court because some kids have a reptilian consciousness. And now there is this article being really good at ‘elevating’ our self-esteem by saying we are boring, grumpy, disorganised, inconsistent etc. while some kids and their parents are never held accountable.
Exactly, Rachel… Which is why I don’t take none of these articles seriously. We do what we can. I know I do and I know my colleagues try their best … But the blame is always placed on us. Kids nowadays DO NOT FEAR NOBODY… Nor do they respect. These kids don’t even respect their own parents, how are they going to respect us?! Smfh.
Lee, this is happening more and more, especially in middle school. The student, for whatever reason, makes up lies or perceives the situation with their own reality. After two decades striving to be my best and be likable, one student told lies about me. No one ever talked to me about it. It went to the principal and then to the superintendent, then onto social media, but I never had the opportunity to address it. Slander is what I call it and I’m truly sorry this happened to you. I know how emotionally devastating it can be. Just stick with what happened, hold your head up; handle it with professionalism and contact your union rep.
The truth shall prevail. In the meantime, consider going to a different district. In Perhaps you should ask for letters of recommendation from teachers who are familiar with your teaching style and work ethic.
This is the new normal- if you provide structure (new word for that is bullying) and have high expectations (pick a word for that- there are many with negative connotations which are passed off as truth) there are students who know the hit words to use to effectively ruin your ‘reputation’ . Sadly, these same students will grow into adults and perpetuate their bad behavior in the workplace. Sorry you are going through this!
Short, concise and absolutely the truth of the matter. Thank you for articulating all of this, Michael. Far too many wee-intentioned teachers run themselves ragged and then are resentful and easily irritable in class, taking students’ misbehavior personally. It makes for an unhappy and unproductive day for everyone. I especially appreciate your advice that students need to know what success looks like at every stage of the day and experience it often.
On an aside, Michael, thank you for all you do. I am a veteran teacher and I always get something valuable out of your Saturday e-mails. I know many who experience success writing, blogging and podcasting about teaching leave the profession as the latter, done correctly, pays much better. There’s nothing wrong with that, and by influencing teachers they continue to touch student lives. Certainly with your number of subscribers and the success of your books, you could make much more if you focused on your influencer position full time. But I have a lot of respect for you that you continue to show up to teaching and positively influencing students every day. It makes what you say more credible, certainly. You are in the trenches with us 🙂 But know that many teachers and students you will never meet benefit from your efforts. And for that, I applaud and thank you. Keep the e-mails coming! I know it’s a ton of work. But the work is important.
It’s my pleasure, Gianna. Thank you for your kind words.
I am so tired of teachers being characterized in this way –
I agree 100%. This article doesn’t even address the fact that students who have been accustomed to attending school and not learning will dislike a teacher who shows up with high expectations and the requisite skill to break down the barriers to learning and understanding. Anyone ever read Martin Haberman’s Pedagogy of Poverty? Students can be complicit in the failure of their own education. Period.
While I agree they might dislike initially, if you stay organized, kind, firm and consistent, also if you build in time for organized fun, they will come to your side. The human brain enjoys learning.
Thanks sir.
Good article.
Thank you!
I love your articles. This one, as always, is on point. I truly appreciate your insight and use your ideas. I will use these ideas you wrote above when school starts again. Thank you so much for sharing these ideas.
You’re welcome, Anna.
After a really difficult high-needs middle school experience, I am reading everything I cam get my hands on…thank you!
You’re welcome, Donna. Please check out the archive (bottom right sidebar).
I loved ur article. I think this will help me become a better teacher, for sure.
Thanks a lott.
You’re welcome, Gurveen.
Michael- thank you so much for your outstanding advice for all teachers whether new or veteran!
I routinely forward the to our staff and encourage them to subscribe to your blogs.
Yesterday was my last day of teaching 29 years in the district I have lived most of my life .
My sons attended and graduated from the same district.
I will continue to subscribe and be a champion referral person for you!
Thanks Lisa. Congratulations on your career!
I appreciate your posts and I’m always reminded of things to strive for. Now and again I wrestle with bits of posts too. Sometimes being one of the guys affects likability. The new norm is for kids to say they hate the subject and dislike the teacher who puts challenging material in front of them. Finally, likability will only bring a student part of the distance. Doing work, practicing, behaving civilized when you’re not around, speaking truth about the teacher… those are all a big deal too.
Would like to subscribe
Never fail to learn something, or be reminded to attend to something l have become lazy in, from your emails. You are really giving many people help and guidance in this teaching game. Thank you so much and best wishes to you.
Thanks Kerrie!
I love your posts. As a twenty year teacher of kindergarten, I still need help with putting it all in perspective. Every group of students is different so I need reminding of the things that are tried and true for every student.
I am pleased I don’t struggle with any of the issues on your checklist, but I think that the definition of likeability is not limited to the description mentioned here. First, the easiest solution to being liked is to stop caring about being liked. Ironically, I became a more effective teacher when I stopped caring about what students think of me. I know teachers in my school who are “liked” or “mad chill”, but they struggle with classroom management. One has even confessed it to me in private. My students may not joke around and socialize with me like they do with other teachers, but they definitely respect me. They respect me because I’m fair and I meet their needs. I know they also love my unique brand of deadpan, dry humor. They laugh a lot in class, but they also know when I mean business. Michael, I know you don’t seem to espouse the “austerity” approach, but speaking from experience, it’s what many students who lack structure need. Yes, being liked is great, but I believe being respected is much better.
Wonderfully put, thank you!
Excellent, Pete.
I totally agree.
Pete, I wholeheartedly agree! I was transferred to the high school 2 years ago from teaching middle school for years and teach NYS Regents Algebra 1!! It’s all about respect for me. I treat all students with respect and expect it in return, which I always get!! I create a safe, positive learning environment and run a well organized class with high expectations! And I love teaching math, especially Algebra 1! My students love my energy, humor and enthusiasm! 🙂
Michael are you a teacher or former educator?
I am a teacher. https://smartclassroommanagement.com/about-michael-linsin/
You forgot to mention that child or students are antisocial, delayed, defiant, have mental and or physical disabilities that hinder bonding, successful socializing, or just have an abusive dysfunctional family life. :T
Honest, concise, and helpful. I hope, instead of becoming defensive, teachers that need to read this article will, and consequently make changes that will benefit their students.
Thanks Lisa!
Hi Michael,
What do you think of these “celebrity tutors” in Korea/Hong Kong etc? Have you ever seen them in action?
I don’t think they’ve ever read your theories!
A Pandy
I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with them.
I just catch your writings off and on, but I taught many years and know that warm, effective classroom management is the key to learning. You do such a great job of expressing how to do that! Thank you!
Thanks Carol!
Dear Michael,
I love reading your articles on different topics and most of the time I find it fruitful. I have been in to this profession for more than 15 years and I can see a sea change in the approach of teachers as well as students. In this scenario I feel we teachers community should stick to one other and benefit one other with their experiences and new learnings. I always look forward to seeing ur e mails. Thanks!
Let’s stand strong for a better tomorrow and producing good world citizens.
I’m going to say ouch. But thanks.
Michael, this is my first time reading one of your articles. Many thanks for your advice. As a veteran educator, (since 1975) I can truly say that to this day, I don’t have problems with students’ disrespect, misbehaving, preventing me from doing my job, or hindering other students from learning. I have very few rules other than emphasizing that students should always respect themselves and others.
I have only three words that have been my mantra for the decades that I have been an educator. They are always be: firm, fair, and consistent.
They have always worked for me!!!
I know we have to be consistent, but how can we do that when you have lots of responsibility. In my class a student who breaks one of our classroom rules is to stay behind for 5 minute detention. Unfortunately I have yard duty, chess club, computer club, debating and meetings at lunch. Basically I don’t know how to enforce consequences when my schedule doesn’t allow it (or if the class doesn’t lead into break time). Help!
Is there anyway to change their perspectives this into the school year? I’m all those things and my class is in chaos, but it feels like it’s late for me to pull them back.
I’m a parent whose middle school & high school children come home and tell me that certain teachers have been yelling (almost every day), and another teacher is disorganized and they’re not sure what to expect from her. She’s kind, but when frazzled can also raise her voice. They feel shame after these lectures & yelling. One class is band, and they want to quit.
What is a parent to do?