The questions usually come via email.
But I also get them face to face when doing personal coaching.
They’re often asked with a hint of incredulity, as if what I write isn’t necessarily how I feel behind closed doors.
“Aren’t there some moments that call for lectures, admonishments, and the like?”
“Isn’t raising your voice and showing some anger at times the best thing you can do?”
“Don’t teachers have to show they mean business at least some of the time?”
In other words, does what students view as “being mean” have its place within the Smart Classroom Management approach?
The answer is, unequivocally . . .
No.
There is never a time when you need to be confrontational or intimidating.
Although it’s true that raising your voice and getting angry can quell misbehavior in the moment—because of a natural fear response—it’s never good for the long-term health of your classroom.
It only, and always, makes classroom management harder. This is true no matter where you teach, your grade level, or who your students are.
Because when you use negative methods two things will undoubtedly happen.
First, you’ll create friction with your students. You’ll create dislike and resentment, which very effectively weakens your means of accountability.
You see, when your students don’t like you (often secretly), trust you, or enjoy being in your class, then your consequences won’t matter to them.
Your influence will be negligible, and the only reason why they’ll pay attention at all or give any effort is because of outside influences, like their parents, the prospect of college, or their intrinsic will.
But it won’t be because of you.
Difficult students, and students with learning, social, emotional, or attention difficulties, in particular, are the most negatively affected. They tend to regress, shut-down, and stop caring altogether rather than make any lasting improvement.
Second, you lighten the load of responsibility on your students.
To the degree you react emotionally to misbehavior (or poor effort), you shoulder the burden they should be carrying. The balance of remorse shifts away from them and onto you.
This is why in so many classrooms you see a haggard, stressed-out teacher and students gadding about without a care in the world.
But the plain truth is, they misbehaved, not you.
And in order for them to truly reflect on their mistakes, and resolve not to make them again, they need to feel their full weight. They need to sit and deal with their wrongdoing instead of blame or seethe in anger at you.
Furthermore, the guilt teachers feel using negative methods causes them to assuage it by doing too much for their students.
They talk them through every this and that. They kneel down to help one after another, interfering with effective independent work. They become hand-wringing micromanagers who do for students what they can and should do for themselves.
And as sure as the rising sun, these teachers are—or become—inconsistent, easily swayed, and manipulated in a misguided attempt to improve their relationship with students.
In so doing, they deny them the life-changing power of shifting 100% of the responsibility to listen, learn, and behave over to them.
Rise Above
Taking misbehavior personally, becoming vengeful, and showing displeasure is not only ineffective and remarkably stressful.
But it’s childish.
It’s childish because you are the teacher. You are the leader, tone-setter, and role model of the classroom who must reside on a different plane, above letting students get under your skin.
You must hold yourself to a higher standard. You must rise above and refuse to get dragged into arguments or succumb to hurt feelings and petty grievances.
You must take the high, graceful road that leads to joyful, effective teaching.
This one thing alone, when backed by a classroom management plan you rely on to handle all misbehavior, will not only make your teaching life so much easier and less stressful.
But it will give you true toughness and true leadership your students will respect and admire.
PS – I’ll be taking next week off to celebrate Thanksgiving, but will be back with a new article on December 1st.
Also, my next book The Smart Classroom Management Way is finishing up the editing process and will now move on to the layout and design phase. It’s slated for release in early May.
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
Happy Thanksgiving!
-Michael
This is so true. Another thing it does is put you in a negative and not picking state of mind where everything bothers you.
Given my week of teaching that just ended, this is strangely timely. But it’s so hard when students misbehave repeatedly and it feels intentional! It’s so hard not to feel irritated! I just want them to understand how they’re affecting the learning environment…but I know you’re right. Okay, focusing again on Monday.
Your methods for teachers are very effective, and I love it.
Thanks Bruce!
I agree with nearly all of your ideas but not this one. Just this week I had a student “freak out” about riding the bus, arguing with the principal, trying to get his sibling off the bus. We had read the note from his mom 2x about riding the bus that day. He understood what was happening and why. In the moment of going to the bus he realized that wasn’t his typical day to ride the bus. (The reason for the note.) There was no time for warnings. No way to put the inevitable off. He was arguing and making a scene. He had to be told in firm, no nonsense way that he was riding the bus. Here is the note. Get. On. The. Bus. The very stern, no time to chat, my way is what needed to happen. I had kids waiting to be taken to parent pick up. The entire school has to wait if one of my kid’s cars is the front to car. Sometimes “mean” firm, teachers have to move on.
Physical altercation is another time my “mean” voice comes out. Not often, as physical altercation are rare on my watch but they do happen now and again, typically outside the actual classroom, but that behavior is beyond a referee warning and timeout. That is a time for, I mean business and that is unacceptable in my classroom and school.
Hi C Coleman,
The article refers to negative (i.e. harmful) methods, of which firmness and protecting students from violence doesn’t apply. This is a common misunderstanding that I’ll be sure to unpack in a future article. This doesn’t mean, however, that the best response to a dangerous situation is to raise your voice and be confrontational. Most often, it is not. Again, although I’ve written about his topic to some degree, it’s on the list of future articles.
Amen
Do you have suggestions for substitute teachers who walk into classrooms not knowing the students, not knowing the classroom management plan, and who are almost sure to be “tested” by students?
Hi Nadine,
An e-guide for substitute teachers is on the list of future projects.
Hi not sure when this article was published, but is this e-guide for substitute teachers now available?
Thank you so much! An incredible article.
My pleasure, Nathan. Thank you! It’s good to hear from you again.
For the first time in my teaching career I have resorted to raising my voice to my students. I vowed to taking Thanksgiving break to re-evaluate. I would really appreciate any advice/articles that you might suggest to reestablish my classroom management. I love to teach and usually have good repoire with students. But I am losing it because of my loss of control. I teach 7th grade History, active hands on strategies to keep their interest. But somewhere I am making mistakes. Help!
Hi Cynthia,
I think you definitely need to start over. We have several articles about how to do this. When you get a chance, try the search box along the top menu bar. You should find what you’re looking for.
Wow, what insight. I hate to admit that I do these things sometimes, but maybe if I keep reading and practicing, I can become a more enlightened teacher. Thanks for this!
Thank you for your honesty. I struggle with this and really appreciate the perspective from these posts…
You’re welcome, Catherine. It’s so, so common and can be hard not to, which is why we do our best to give you the tools you need to make it easier, if not effortless.
Hey Michael,
I’m definitely thankful for you and the platform for effective classroom management you’ve created. This is my third year using your methods and I still sometimes struggle with consistency. It’s not easy changing after 18 years of scolding and countless reminders. But, your SCM has reduced unexpected behaviors significantly and made me a happier, more zen elementary school teacher. I especially marvel at the change brought about when I made it my goal to only give directions one time. Talk about holding the kids accountable for their learning! Thank you for helping me become a more excellent educator.
Michele
It’s my pleasure, Michele. It sound like you’re doing really well. Way to go! Just remind yourself to get a little better every day and you’ll get there.
I had a really hard day yesterday, and this was very helpful to read. Thank you!
You’re welcome, Kirsten!
Thank you for telling us what NOT to do. You haven’t left much for us TO do.
Thanks for this, but it arrived three days too late. I’ve been trying you management system this year with mixed results. On Thursday, I had four boys in time out at the same time. A fifth boy was moving in the same direction and was snickering at all the others. I lost my cool! I told him to leave the room. I sent him to the principal. Like you said , the student was angry at me even though the principal totally backed me up.
So, do I have to wait until I start over with a new group of students next year? How can I get back on track ? Is it possible?
Hi Sharon,
That many students in time-out is a sign that you need to reteach your CM plan, defining more specifically what does and doesn’t constitute breaking rules and modeling the exact behavior you’re seeing. There is a lot more to this topic, which we’ve already written about extensively but will cover again soon.
I agree with what you say in theory, but when you have a student misbehaving in unsafe ways, I think you need to show you mean business.
(“ ‘Don’t teachers have to show they mean business at least some of the time?’
In other words, does what students view as “being mean” have its place within the Smart Classroom Management approach?
The answer is, unequivocally . . .
No.”)
Ideas please
Hi Susan,
Certainly if a student is behaving dangerously, you need to step in to ensure you’re protecting your class—which could entail showing you mean business. But this is very different than using negative methods, which is what the article is about and the spirit in which the question was asked.
Don’t quite know how to implement this all the time. Yesterday had a child who refused to work, was beginning to ratchet up his misbehavior to the point where I couldn’t ignore it because he was affecting other students and school property. Finally took him to the behavior facilitator who cooed over him, asking if he was having a bad day, sat with him one-on-one to help him do his work, then sent him back. He thrusts his completed work at me and says, “Are you happy now?” When I insist that he work in class, this is what usually happens. Consequences? Missing recess is the only one I have, and he actually likes to stay in from the cold. I agree with your approach very much, but cases like this stump me.
Ditto, Nadine. As a substitute teacher, I, too, am looking for strategies to better handle student behavior during non-academic times in the day (ie: hallway, recess, and lunchroom times). Michael, your articles are relevant and immediately helpful. As a person who admires a fair, yet gentle approach to all relationships, I truly appreciate your management style. You’re an encouragement to me as I pursue both better teaching and better parenting. Thank you!!
Cynthia Janis, I’ll be interested to see the response you receive. Last year, I taught the same grade and subject as you. I spent countless hours and $ to try the most engaging lessons possible. Yet, it was the worst year of my 23 years of teaching. Hang in there!
Sometimes I want to be sarcastic, but I know that 1) it goes over the child’s head and 2) it’s not kind. I plug on. My class has 7 students who have secondary help classes for English Reading and then I have 27 more who vary in degrees of competence. I have mostly freshmen boys in the class, so it’s a bit frustrating. I’ve sent students out to the principal even though I know they need to be in the class. This is my 18th year teaching and my most trying class. I keep beginning again and again. Eventually, we will gel and then next year, the same boys will come and see me and tell me they miss me. Is it worth it, I wonder. I read all the posts and have purchased this book. I pray a lot. Thank you all.
Wow! What a message, this REALLY applies to me, especially last week. I have a high school group (my first year of teaching high school aged kids too) that I have gone around with… I have done pretty much all the wrong things and now wonder if the relationships in there are irreparable. My principal has been trying to tell me (for that last few months) what you basically just wrote in this article. Being “mean” has not worked and honestly I can’t keep it up, I am worn out and there is little to no actual learning going on. Actually I’ve been thinking quite extensively that teaching is not for me. When I think about quitting (which means NOT re-signing a contract in the Spring) I get very sad, then guilty, then kind of relieved. It’s like putting a round peg in a square hole some days.
Anyway, didn’t mean to unload, but I DO want to thank you for your articles, I purchased the digital Smart Classroom Management for High School book and have used several ideas from it.
You’re welcome, Christi. I think you should embrace the entire SCM plan as outlined in the e-guide. It’s designed to free you from ever having to use negative methods to manage your class.
This one is particularly comforting to me because it’s really difficult for me to be mean, I just don’t appear intimidating. However, I have had a handful of students over the years who actually asked me to “yell at them.” It made me think that some of them do need this type of mean teacher behavior especially if they already know that you care about them.
Thanks for the clarification
I’d really love to hear/read about your thoughts in those moments where there is real harm or timely movement that must happen in a school day and you have a child who essentially loses it. I am a very warm, relational teacher and I have high marks in my evaluations for classroom management but I struggle with the 3 to 5% of kids who don’t seem to learn from following your advice. Typically its kids with non-typical processing or kids with many ACE’s. I had 5 out of 20 students in that camp last year with aggressive and bullying behaviours, mostly at lunch and recess. It was exhausting picking up the pieces every day during my planning times and in transitions. Age 6 and 7 and it was a struggle. This year is much better and most days its s joy to be teaching.
I hear you, C Coleman. I’ll definitely put your concerns on the list of future articles. In the meantime, most of my advice for individual students has been covered extensively and can be found in the Difficult Students category of the archive, which is by far the biggest category.
I find your articles well worth reflection and find value in your insights. I am taking slight issue with this article on two fronts, however.
The use of the word “mean” is open to a wide interpretation, especially to middle school students whose vocabulary still often consists of the “ad” adjectives…mad, sad, glad, bad. “Mean” can be interpreted by students as meaning, “she won’t let me sit where I want,” to “I got a consequence for not following expectations and it’s not fair.”
The second concern I have is related to a culture that is increasingly vitriolic and hateful. I am seeing more and more 11 and 12 year olds who have no clue how to express themselves except through adult-sized meanness and hateful conduct.
Hi Mari,
The article was written for teachers, not students, with the assumption that they understand what I mean when I use the word “mean.”
Mean is never an appropriate reaction to anyone for anything. Also meanness usually is not yelling, it’s usually quite. I believe that your are actually describing hatefulness, not meanness.
Hi Jill,
Nope, I think most readers understand what I mean by the word “mean.” It’s defined in several ways using several examples and descriptors. However, I am always trying to improve my ability to make my writing as simple and clear as possible, and I’ll keep working hard to do just that.
Another fantastic article. My teaching for my husband and I has changed so much since we read your books and articles this summer. Thank you!!
Thank you, Janelle! That’s great to hear. Way to go!
This seems like another typical article which tells teachers what NOT TO DO, but does not offer any firm suggestions or advice on what TO DO (other than “rise above” which is extremely vague and does not offer a true pathway to classroom management with difficult students).
Hi msteacher,
There are ten years worth of articles on this website as well as four books and two e-guides that will show you exactly what to do instead. There are also dozens and dozens of articles specifically about difficult students and the precise strategies you can use to transform their behavior. Here’s the link: https://smartclassroommanagement.com/category/classroom-management-strategies/difficult-students/
Hi Michael,
I just want to personally step up and say thank you. With Thanksgiving around the corner, I realize your advice and articles here are something I am grateful for as a young teacher. I’ve been following and reading your stuff for six years, and it’s made me so much stronger. I still have my internal struggles, but without your teaching advice my classroom life would not be as comfortable as it is today. Thank you!
I appreciate it very much, Caitlin, and am so glad to hear it. I’m grateful to so many wonderful and faithful readers like you.
Good morning, thanks for the positive and encouraging advice. Question I have is how can this be applied to homeschooling kids? I homeschool 3 with help of my husband but still very hard. They are still young, first, second and third grade. Perhaps cause they are close in age and always together… They bicker over littlest things and easily get distracted. I try to be aware of all classes going on and work simultaneously but very hard. We are falling behind on work..Any ideas?
Hi Sharon,
Even though it’s only three, it’s still important to set rules and have consequences you can lean on, rather than having to plead with your students, lecture them, or remind them again and again.
Michele Kuttner made a comment about having read a previous article of yours about ‘giving directions only once’. Where could I find that article?
Thank you for your time, your perspective is so helpful!
Hi Renee,
I know it’s in the Attentiveness category of the archive (bottom sidebar), but for the life of me I can’t think of the title. I believe there are a couple articles that describe this strategy.
I am a Guest Teacher at a local elementary school. I have naturally been using classroom management similar to yours for years. I am currently doing a maternity leave for an instructional coach and have been given the task of helping a newish teacher get control of her class. After 3 weeks of watching and helping her but not seeing her make changes, I TOTALLY took over the class. I told her she’s allowed in the room and that’s it, the class is mine. Just watch and absorb. I instituted your plan and a lot of positive words and like magic they are all behaving and getting work done. One afternoon they lost control, which was great because it showed her what to do. We started the next day with expectations, consequences and lots of practicing. 🙂 Our principal came in the room on day 3 and her eyes were huge and jaw dropped. They were all sitting down and on task silently working. She asked what I did to make such drastic change (I was sent in for the safety of the students), I said I set expectations and consequences and have been consistent with them. She asked about rewards, I said I don’t reward for what is expected of them. She was SHOCKED at the change! I do send home premade notes with a few each day saying they had an Awesome Day. These kids (and their parents) thrive on positive affirmation.
My issue now is all 30 students have a BAD case of Learned Helplessness and I believe it’s a snowball effect from past years. They can’t do anything on their own. They want to be spoonfed everything and refuse to struggle. Any words of wisdom for overcoming Learned Helplessness?
My goals for this week with them is Growth Mindset (many have no self confidence) and overcoming Learned Helplessness (teaching them it’s ok to struggle).
I have introduced the teacher to your plan and website. She stands there and agrees with everything I say but in a few weeks after a gradual release she will have to sustain the gift of a well run classroom that I have given her.
Hi Karen,
There is a lot on this topic in the Independence & Learning category of the archive as well as the book The Happy Teacher Habits.
Asalam o alaikum I’m from Pakistan, our big problem is huge crowded classes touching 60 . how to manage copy work and behavior of the students, I’m an English teacher
You have convinced me. I am with you all the way…only the meanness pops out before I can stop it. Then I beat myself up for not being a better teacher. It happens when students do things that I have told them not to do (sometimes seconds before.) It happens when they do things that I know their classroom procedures should have prepared them for. I feel betrayed and ignored. It usually involves huge messes (in art) that will take the class period or longer to undo. It stems from students either playing around or not listening when instructions were given, or not waiting for instructions to be given.
I know all the tricks and do them every day: interrupt with positive reinforcement, redirect attention to those doing it right, to stop and realize it is simply a mistake rather than willful damage to property and materials, but the damage to students is done when my reaction pops out spontaneously because I did not expect or anticipate this problem. They are masters of presenting something I never dreamed anyone would do in the circumstance. Knowing I could have behaved better as an adult and that I have made a bad moment worse only makes me feel worse. I do best when I just quit caring about anything and stop trying to control outcomes. Is that the answer? To just quit caring what happens?
Hi Jeri,
You may find this article helpful: https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2009/12/26/why-you-shouldnt-care-if-a-student-misbehaves/
Hi,
I appreciate this article. I am substitute in a classroom for, four days, two more to go. The class is out of cobtrol due to having had a lenient board substitute since September. I have to be stearn with them in order to get through the day. I have to raise my voice just to be heard. I am soft voiced and my thrust hurts at the end if the day. The principal is moving four students to other classrooms to make it easier. I still need advice for the next two days. Please help.
Thanks Michael, this was fantastic. I have not come from a teaching background, and have found myself teaching numeracy to disengaged students. This method works wonders, my classes have the highest output out of all classes, and the students enjoy mine the most. One thing they do say at times is that I am too soft! They are so used to the traditional methods of teaching, that when I am not hauling a student over the coals for breaking the rules, they just don’t get it.
This “meanness” describes my last couple weeks. I am tired of shouldering the burden of having students stop talking and do their work the first time without me interfering. Yet, I need to because they will not stop talking! I have been thinking I don’t know where I went wrong this year. I have consistently followed our class rules and consequences and contacted parents more than ever. But now reading your article I know now what the problem is: I am acting childish and they are relying on that behavior. So eye opening and now I don’t know where to go from here. I guess I’ll have to look into getting some of your books over the break because my behavior has to change.
Hi, before reading your article, it happened that I had a day like that, I kept my calmness and continued to bring them back to the subject , I didn’t let them get into me so I was in a better control and I was satisfied. Your suggestion and my reaction confirmed each other. Thank you and happy thanksgiving.
You’re welcome, Maha. You too!
Thank you, Michael,
What a timely article after the 8th-grade literature classes I had last week. My frustration with a class of boys who just refuse to read our current book, To Kill a Mockingbird, boiled over into an, (I’m sure) overbearing lecture. They seem to work harder at NOT doing anything than simply doing the assignments. Anyway, this article has put me back on track although I do find it difficult to implement my management plan when I have several students misbehaving at the same time. Your suggestions?
Hi Jay,
Here is an article to help: https://smartclassroommanagement.com/2016/03/12/how-to-handle-six-disrespectful-students-in-one-class/
Help! I’ve been teaching 3rd grade for 22 years. I have taught through a few rough classes but not like this. I have 22 boys and 6 girls in a low income area. The group of students are very low, immature class with very few parent involvement.
I try to teach but I feel I’m being sabotage. I have 4 boys who get up during the lesson to play with toys or horse around etc. I redirect them but they refuse and if I push the issue they are angry and desks / chairs, pencils, papers go flying. I have evacuated my room numerous times. My level of anxiety is high so asked for an aide but I was told the money it takes to hire an aide will come out of our Cola next year. Since we are a small school ( 150 kids K-8) PBIS tier 3 doesn’t work for my school and PBIS hasn’t modified their program for smaller schools. We need teir 3 for my boys and we are unable to send some kids to SDC. And of course, I have my teacher evaluation this year. Any ideas?
Hi Kris,
You need to start over from the beginning. There are several articles about how to do this in the archive, but you may want to consider personal coaching.
Hi Michael, I really like your website, it has helped me immensely. I’m wondering if you could write about what to do if a student doesn’t accept a consequence. I have a student who believes he is free to do whatever he wants (he acts the same in all his classes unfortunately). When I try to hold him back for a detention for breaking classroom rules, he just walks out the classroom. Obviously I can’t lock the door or tackle him, so he can just walk. I’ve contacted home and sought admin support, but there hasn’t been much success. What else would you suggest? Thanks
I’ll put it on the list, Louise. Thanks for the suggestion!
Michael,
I teach in a religious boys school 10th grade. The class is at the end of the day, so a lot of them skip my class. A fellow teacher, with a similar problem, gave me a tip. She says when she gives them tests and they do not bother to show up, or go out to the bathroom and never bother to come back, she writes a letter not only to the parents, but a copy to the principal and their homeroom teacher. Consequences work. Louise?
Another teacher told me how she coped with what I call the dungeon hours (4-6 pm slot end of the week. They start at 7:30 am and often commute) – by making her class the most fun not to be missed ever. Lots of computer generated activities. I have taught a writing “course” without a computer, but more like a club than a class. That’s what I plan to do at my end of the day “challenging” class of boys. The writing course had no grades and no homework. (I need grades and homework at my school.) Everything mhad to be completed in class. Peer checking. Reading aloud their work. The work was varied and fun. Instead of the standard text essays of eg, for and against class uniforms – my idea was uniforms for teachers. Out of the box. I take any text, study its text type as a model for the essay, and assign an essay that is weird, non standard enough to appeal to teens. Or assigning sides for an argument, that is the opposite of what they really think.
My hobbies are creative writing, poetry, drama, choir, folk dancing. I should have put this post on your hobbies post, but don’t know how to transfer it.
Yours,
a long time teacher who has consistently failed at discipline, because I yell with a smile, but still loves teaching
Marlene
PS I successfully taught a same level of 10th grade girls. Their class was in the morning. We sat at a small table/ a smaller group. But they had better study habits, did homework, brought their textbook/notebook to class, followed rules. But we had time for chit chat/how was their weekend, I read to them my stories and poems. Literature wasn’t the chore it was/is with the boys. The girls class was a sub temp job. The boys is my regular position. And not going well. so far…
Do you have any resources for new administrators (vice principals and principals)?
Love your content.
Thank you.
Hi Taylor,
I’m sorry, we don’t. The recess behavior plan for elementary principals is the only administrator resource we have.
No problem! Have used your content for years in the classroom and now continue to share with my teaching staff and encourage them to purchase the high school plan.
Greatly appreciate all your work.
Cheers from Northern Canada.
Thanks Taylor!
I just came across this site randomly (on pinterest haha) and oh my goodness I am SOOO happy I did!! I think all teachers need to read these articles, I was looking for a twitter handle or Facebook page..do you have either??! You need to because this stuff is way too good!!! (I’ve joined the email newsletter list but I have a gajillion emails – twitter is SO much easier!!!) I will definitely be sharing this gem because some of my colleagues’ approach of using demeaning sarcasm and constant negative comments with their students depresses me daily!
I’m glad you found us, Amy! We do have a Facebook page.
I’ve been following your blog since I read “The Happy Teacher Habits” this summer. I really appreciate all of your strategies. I just finished college and started teaching second grade last January. I’m still learning and everything I read here I take to heart. Because I’m a new teacher and I have a particularly difficult class, countless colleagues and mentors have told me I need to be “mean”. I tried it for the first month of school and it made me and the students miserable. It didn’t change their behavior at all, it only drained me emotionally. I’m really glad to read that there’s another way, because if being a teacher means being mean, I chose the wrong career path.
Thank you so much, I look forward to reading the next article!
It’s my pleasure, Julia! I’ve always felt the same way, but the truth of the matter is you never have to be mean.