Difficult students feel different from their classmates.
As if, they don’t quite fit in.
They don’t have the same capabilities.
They don’t have the same level of self-control or interest in school.
And yet, the most common advice given to teachers to help these students only makes matters worse.
It only makes them feel more ostracized and less confident in their abilities.
It only reinforces the image they have of themselves as “difficult” and “behavior problem.”
Truth is, they’ve been labeled.
They were labeled at an early age and continue to be labeled year after year, which is why they never seem to change.
Unless, that is, you put a stop to it.
Here’s how:
Stop pulling them aside.
It’s common for teachers to pull difficult students aside to cajole, pep-talk, and otherwise try to convince them to behave. But the deeper and far stronger message they get from you is that they’re not like all the rest, who you don’t pull aside.
Stop using proximity to control them.
Keeping them close to you and away from other students via your seating chart or your near-constant proximity is irrefutable proof that you believe they’re incapable of controlling themselves, which they readily accept as fact.
Stop fussing over them.
Frequent checking in, praising for every minor—and temporary—improvement, and talking them through every this and that makes it obvious to them, as well as the rest of the class, that they need your personal attention.
Stop using behavior contracts with them.
Nothing tells a student they’re different and less able than a behavior contract. And although the rewards may improve behavior short-term, they virtually eliminate intrinsic motivation and do nothing to actually change behavior.
Stop thinking negatively about them.
When you have negative thoughts about students, agonizing and complaining about them to your colleagues, they’ll know it. It’s something you can’t hide. It will bubble to the surface in the way you look at them, speak to them, and privately resent them.
Change The Story
These efforts to improve behavior, which many difficult students have been subject to for years and years, merely strengthen the limiting beliefs they have about themselves.
They communicate loud and clear that they’re not good enough, that they can’t do it, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that’s very hard to overcome.
To see real and lasting improvement, you need to change the story they tell about themselves.
You need to put a stop to the madness, to show them through your behavior and actions that they’re capable of so much more and so much better, that the truth is they’ve been sold a bill of goods.
They really can do it.
Be the one teacher to say “Enough is enough, and I believe in you.” Create a new prophecy for them to fulfill. Let them feel like just a regular member of the class, and they’ll start behaving like a regular member of the class.
Same consistent accountability. Same smiles and kindness. Same collective participation in a class they love being part of. Same trust that today will be a great day.
Give them this precious gift, and they will thrive.
There is a lot to this topic, which we’ll be sure to cover in future articles. In the meantime, if you have questions, please spend time in the Difficult Student category of the archive.
All of the points above have been written about extensively and the archive will give you a fuller picture of how to transform any challenging student.
My hope is that you have one or two in mind.
And that you’ll be that teacher to finally put them on a new path, the right path, and change their life forever.
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I understand the concept of not separating them from other children, but for some of my students it’s a matter of safety. Some of my challenging kids throw chairs, push tables, hit others, etc so I keep them beside me. I will on occasion allow them to choose a friend to sit with us (art class). It creates less trauma for the other kids in class.
I second this question: what about students who are unpredictable and pose a physical danger to others?
I had to keep one such disturbed student near me with my eye frequently on him so I could head off his tantrums before they became full blown. His homeroom teacher (I’m a specialist) gave me this advice, which worked well. Being firm with him in this way didn’t adversely affect our rapport, because he knew I cared about him: he soon started hugging me whenever he saw me and promised, on his own initiative, not to misbehave anymore (and kept his word!). But it took time for him to realize I was trustworthy, and sometimes he simply had great difficulty controlling his emotions, so I had to have him relatively near, or I would have been blamed for not taking precautions.
What do you think, Michael? Even though it ended very well, perhaps I could have managed it even better.
Hi Chris,
This topic, too, has been covered from several angles, but I’ll be sure to revisit again in the future.
Hi Michael,
I love your blog and books, and I have made huge strides in consistency since I started reading your stuff a few years ago. I have two questions.
1) I have several students like this, and I try to treat them exactly the same when it comes to classroom management, but I’m afraid that when it comes to doing the work, I am giving them an inordinate amount of attention because they give up too easily. As I wander around the room to check how students are doing, these students will be sitting there doing nothing, so I end up spending extra time with them to help them understand. Over a period of time, they do start to work harder, but I worry that I am reinforcing their feelings of being different. Any suggestions for encouraging more effort without singling them out?
2) I’m a music teacher, and I often have trouble with large numbers of students talking all at once right after we finish a piece of music. I often will choose the loudest students or as many as I can catch to assign a consequence to, but I know (and the students do too), that I am being unfair because other students are breaking the rules and not getting a consequence. It creates ill-will and damages my relationships with my students. Is there a better way to deal with that?
Thanks so much for all your work!
Hi Nick,
I appreciate your questions and sure wish I had time to answer them. I’m sorry I don’t, but rest assured that both have been covered on this website. You may want to try the search box along the menu bar. Thanks for being a regular reader!
Hi Nick,
I’m a music teacher, too. I’m not sure about your first question, but maybe you could set them a specific challenge to complete within a specific period of time, then check back at the end of that period? (Maybe start with two- or five-minute tasks, then gradually increase? It depends on your judgment of the situation.) That way you would be holding them accountable without constantly hovering, and most students are highly motivated by challenges, as Michael has mentioned in the past, as long as the challenges are not beyond their abilities. Maybe you could even make it a whole-class challenge so the difficult students aren’t singled out, and maybe put those students in a team with stronger students whom they get along well with.
I do remember what Michael replied in the past to the second question: if many students are breaking a rule, you should (without lecturing and venting) have them practice it until they can do it right. He’s written specific steps in archived articles regarding how to model routines and procedures, choosing students to model them, then eventually having the whole class do it. If you search keywords like “model,” “routines,” “procedures,” and “talking,” the relevant articles should be easy to find.
Best wishes,
Chris
Hi Rose,
When you get a chance, please check out the Difficult Students category of the archive.
I love your blog and I appreciate your advice. A lot of the articles help reinforce what I believe, however I use a modified version of the “unlabelling” a student. I pull aside ALL of my students throughout the year. That levels the playing field as they never know why I ask them to join me outside the class door. Sometimes I offer compliments on observations I made for good work ethic or maybe I noticed where a positive comment may boost their image. It works for me as I built several strong relationships with all 120+ 7th graders I teach.
Dear Michael,
I have been teaching for 32 years. Last year I had a difficult student who just as you said had been labeled as such since 3rd grade. Our year started out well because I really did like him (and still do). He was very low in self-esteem and struggled to read and write, even balked at math – even though he was quite capable in this subject. We had a good rapport to start the year – he would stay after school for a few minutes to make sure he knew what he had to do for homework, and usually did his assignment and turned it in. Unfortunately several weeks into the year I had a personal family crisis that caused me to be away from the classroom for several weeks. During that time, he became very disruptive with the substitutes, and began to affect another boy who was impressed with his behavior and began to act out as well. Long story short, using behavior sheets to earn rewards for both boys ( this was suggested by the mother of the follower) really backfired. This just served to label both boys further, until the one was moved from my room (the follower) at his parents request. I had never had a child moved from my room before. I found this article interesting because the troublemaker finally asked (via his parents) to have the behavior management program stopped. He said he didn’t like being singled out.
I had to totally start over again with my class – at the end of the year – with routines and expectations. It worked, but it was difficult since the end of the year is a transition time for kids as they are ready to move on (in this case to middle school since I teach 5th grade).
Just wanted younger teachers to know that even those of us with many years in teaching and lots of good experiences leading groups can still struggle with a tough situation. Try to stay in the moment – don’t rehash your bad experiences and analyze every factor that brought you to this point even though you might want to. Everyone has variables that contribute to hard classroom experiences. You just have to move forward and deal with situation you have – no matter what time of year it is, what your administration is like, if your parents are supportive or not, and other teachers are helpful or just adding to your stress.
I was really stressing about this class until I realized that I KNEW how to do this – I’ve been doing it for years! It is helpful to have someone to talk to as well – another teacher that you trust, or someone that believes in you and can be your cheerleader. Even if you don’t, just take it one day, one moment at a time. It’s important to get lots of rest, remember that you CAN do this – you are the leader of this group! Just remember the 3 C’s of behavior management – be calm, caring and consistent.
I ended the year with a better classroom experience than I had when I returned, but it still wasn’t my favorite year. Luckily I have had many wonderful years of teaching, and know that this too will change. I’m currently looking forward to my new group of kids and a new year – I’m excited to get started!
I searched your site last year Michael, and found much of what you shared there to be a helpful reminder of what I already know works. Some of your ideas offer an interesting philosophical twist to typical strategies that have been used for years – such as reward systems and behavior management plans for specific kids. I like your idea of developing respect and rapport with kids by eating lunch with them. I have a lunch with the teacher (they like getting out of the lunchroom) session once or twice a week with my kids – all have a chance to eat in the room if they want – it’s not a reward. It’s a great way to get to know them from a different perspective. Thanks for tackling a challenging topic with empathy – glad we have SCM to refer to!
It’s my pleasure, Kelly! Thanks for sharing your insight.
My school segregates students through tracking. Half of our student took AP and the rest self selected to stay in the regular track. That regular track is full of special needs, ELL students, deaf, emotionally disturbed, and students who are below grade level for reading. About half of the class would be considered difficult, so immature behavior is the norm for at least half of the class. I wonder if your examples are for when there are a few special cases in a class rather than a large section. What do you do when the school puts lots of behavioral problem students in the same section? I don’t think that situation is fair to the kids or to me.
Hi Michael-
I enjoy your articles very much, but even after retracting behavior expectations over and over to difficult students, there comes a time I need to have a student work alone and think about the benefit of working with others cooperatively.
Students need to learn that their choices do affect others.
Often the difficult students are acting up because their skills are low and they don’t want others to know.
For some of these reasons I do need to offer different interventions. I still am working on building rapport with them.
Thank you for your helpful articles
Lise
Hi Lise,
Indeed, which is why most of the articles you’ll find in the archive regarding difficult students are about accountability. Removing labels is critical, but certainly not the only strategy.
Try and take a step back and see the patterns of behavior. There is always something that is motivating the student to continue the behavior. Figure out what preceded the behavior and the environment in which it occurred.
My thoughts exactly!
I understand the concept that it is common that we “over focus” on students with challenging behavior. However, what if the student really can’t do it and they are doing the best that they can with the skills that they have. Are we not potentially doing more harm putting expectations on kids when they don’t have the skills to be successful. I believe kids try hard to do the best that they can, and if they are not doing well, it has more to do with lack of skill. Maybe we need to do a better job assessing kids and understanding their skill level before we take away supports that they may need.