Surprisingly, it’s still common advice:
Never smile the first month or two of the school year.
The idea being that if you show kindness toward your students, then they won’t respect you.
Instead, they’ll perceive you as weak, a pushover.
They’ll test you, challenge you, and wrest control of the class from you.
But it isn’t true.
The truth is, your students will only view you as a pushover if you fail to do what you say you’re going to do.
Furthermore, smiling early and often is one of the best things you can do on the first day of school.
In fact, your openly friendly presence will make classroom management a lot easier.
Here’s why:
It builds instant rapport.
A warm and welcoming manner draws students to you. It causes them to want to be around you and get to know you better, which in turn builds fast, easy, and natural rapport.
It provides a model.
Simple friendliness sets a positive tone. It permeates your new class from the get-go and models for students how to interact with each other as well as how to approach their academic work.
It lets students know they’re safe.
The first day of school can be a scary, uncertain time for students. But as soon as they see your smiling face, they’ll breathe a sigh of relief knowing that it’s all going to be okay.
It removes excitability.
Because it puts students at ease, a calm and friendly nature virtually eliminates excitability, which is one of the biggest causes of misbehavior—especially among your most challenging students.
It makes your consequences matter.
Your consistently pleasant personality is the most important factor in creating a classroom your students enjoy being part of, which is the secret to making your consequences, no matter how nominal, matter to them.
It makes your expectations agreeable.
When students like you and are thankful to be in your classroom, it causes them to buy into your sky-high expectations without complaint. It removes resistance and frees you to ask for the moon.
It engenders trust.
Do you trust people you first meet who are cool and distant, who carry themselves with an air of authoritarianism or intimidation? Neither do your students. In fact, it causes resentment within five minutes.
It triggers the Law of Reciprocity.
When students first realize that they like their new teacher, their appreciation creates a strong desire to return your kindness. It makes them want to listen to you, behave for you, and please you.
It lowers stress.
Establishing a kindhearted room environment keeps your stress level under control for the entire year. It’s a balm that soothes, protects, and makes teaching a lot more enjoyable.
It gets parents on your side.
When students rush home to share how much they love their new teacher, their parents become instant fans and supporters. It puts them at ease, on your side, and in your corner.
It’s fun.
Enjoying your students on the very first day of school is a reminder that teaching is supposed to be fun. So let it out. Don’t just smile, but laugh, tell stories, and teach with passion.
My #1 Goal
When asked about first-day-of-school procedures, rules, consequences, and such, I’m quick to point out that although important, they’re only a small part of effective classroom management.
My number one goal on that first day isn’t that my students can perform every routine perfectly.
It’s that they love coming to my classroom.
Because it’s the one ingredient that makes everything work as it should.
This doesn’t mean that you have to have exciting or elaborate activities and getting-to-know-you games planned. (Though it’s fine if you do.) It doesn’t mean that you have to entertain your students or have hilarious jokes at the ready.
It just means that you give them what they most want and need—even crave—from their new teacher:
A kind and welcoming heart.
PS – I recently had an interesting conversation with Joe Pazar of the WDIW podcast. Click here to listen.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.
Thank you for confirming what I’ve always instinctively felt to be true (and have put into practice). I was never was comfortable with the “no smiling till the holidays” advice, but you helped remove the worry that I was presenting myself as a pushover. The resulting calm you speak of does indeed eliminate the root of so many misbehaviors.
Nice use of the Golden Rule to prove your point!
You’re welcome, Chris.
Dispelling myths – right on!!! Couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for the added encouragement and validation. You’re the best!
Thanks Brenda!
Thank you for the article. I definitely here the above a lot. “Don’t smile your first week of school. If you are nice they are going to think you are a push over and not respect you.” The real problem was that I was not following through with my class expectations or engaging students in class with structured lesson plans.
It’s my pleasure, John.
Hey! Just a thought for whoever is developing your site on the back-end. Maybe you could add a print symbol at the top so teachers can easily print out some of these articles?
I’ll look into it, Julia.
I think that Is a wonderful idea!
Great advice.I still remember, 5 years on, my son’s teacher telling me that he’d been taught ‘not to smile before Christmas’ when I said how anxious my 9 year old was about coming to school because he was shouting at the class so often. And this was a teacher who I knew cared about the kids as he’d taught them age 5 and 7. As a parent, I was astonished at such a response.
Thanks Philly.
Wonderful article! thank you
You’re welcome, edr.
I agree with all of the comments so far – the golden rule, the “thanks for confirming my instinct,” the ” what a nice idea” and the print button.
Thank you! I will certainly remember this on my first day.
You’re welcome, Rowan.
Yes! An intimidating approach from day one surely says: ” You [the child] are the enemy and the battle is about to begin!” It’s pretty difficult for enemies to finally become friends. Is that what we really want in schools? Great advice as usual, thank you!
You’re welcome, Judith.
Warm/strict is still the best advice I ever got! People think being nice means you aren’t firm and clear. Being nice is just that – being nice! One can be welcoming, warm and kind. At the same time it is totally possible to also be firm, calm and clear. These two seemingly opposite polarities are anything but in a well run and enjoyable classroom!
As always this is great advice and just sounds like common sense and breaks a lot of stereotypes. Please could you off some behaviour management techniques for creating a rapport with KS1 and KS2 children for a supply teacher.
Hi Shagufta,
I’ll consider how to include something specific in a future article, but consistent kindness is hard to beat.
Caveat: I’m a substitute teacher.
I started out as the smiling, affable type. In Los Angeles schools, the closer you get to the center of the city, and the older the students are, the less meaningful it seems to smile. I see your point about entering a classroom where the teacher seems nice. I guess I should unsubscribe from your emails until I get teacher certification. Your advice is good for substitute teachers on long-term assignments, even for a couple of weeks.
Love this advice. I am a 30+ year veteran educator. I continuously recommend your website to new teachers I mentor, especially those struggling with classroom management! Thank you for time tested techniques that work!
It’s my pleasure, Dr. Hardy. Thanks for recommending SCM.
Last year, at the beginning of my first ever year of teaching, I was advised that I had to be a “disciplinarian” to my students. A couple of months ago, shortly after the school year ended, I put together a (roughly) 4-page document on which I simply typed any key thoughts that came to mind upon reflecting on the school year. One such thought that ended up on the document the following: “Being a disciplinarian is NOT an effective approach to classroom management.”
Thank you for all your great articles! Although I only work in the school as a lunch monitor, I find your perspective very insightful.
You’re welcome! Thanks Bev.
Warm but firm can be a tricky balance for me on that first week! I want them “unsure” of this new adult just enough, so that they will sit quietly and listen while I’m explaining rules. I want them to take seriously the modeling and practice procedures we will do over and over that first week. By week two I begin to smile more and engage more personally, as they find the routines that I expect.
How much and what kind of smile may be important as well. For the skeptics, perhaps a well timed subtle smile or two.
I read your book, “Classroom Management for Art, Music, and PE Teachers” today. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I spent my summer reading 3 other books on this subject, 2 of which I found useless & tossed into my recycle bin. FINALLY I came across your book (recommended by art teacher peers in an online group) & I feel like I will have a good classroom mgmt plan going into this school year. THANK YOU for publishing this book!
You’re welcome, Jeanie! Thank you for the nice feedback. 🙂
Thank you!
I’m a new teacher in my first year and the first thing I was told is “it’s ok to shout. Be taugh on the first month or by December they won’t behave anymore.” I’m a primary school teacher
The yelling is constant and i find it absolutely exhausting. The other day one of my student didn’t eat her snack because she was too scared to ask help from a teacher.
I’ve refused to come around their method and get constant reminders as of why they do it and what awaits me if i don’t. What i notice is that students have been more prone to concealing things from us.
The only thing I’m afraid of is that students won’t take me seriously because I’m the only one not yelling… But I find this approach so unhealthy…
I could not agree more with this article. Every start to a new year, I always welcome my students into my classroom with a warm smile and a positive energy. I put a lot of effort into decorating my classroom so that my students come into a room that has a warm, safe , and inviting feeling. I even has various air fresheners that I put in my room to create a relaxing aroma. Starting off the year on a positive note definitely pays off in the long run. I have very high expectations for my students and have many rules that I expect them to follow, but starting the year off with me barking out my demands is not the way I want to start off the year. As my students get comfortable, I make sure to reinforce my rules and expectations as needed while both myself and my students are gaining our respect towards one another.
Great article and comments. I tell my K-4 music students what my mother always said to me – “If I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t care about how you are acting or what you were learning.” I think it helps for the students to know why we have to have rules at school – so that they can learn in a safe environment. I also like to use the “What if everybody did that?” phrase. Teaching can be such a wonderful profession but it takes time to figure out. Thanks for the great ideas!