So you’re walking down the hallway and notice the boss heading in the opposite direction.
As you near, you smile and start to say hello.
But they never even look up.
They cruise right on past without the slightest acknowledgment.
Which can make you feel about two inches tall.
It can make you think that maybe you’ve done something wrong, gotten on their bad side.
Maybe you’ve somehow offended them or they’re trying to send you a message about what they think of you and your work.
It can be an unnerving experience.
It can keep you up at night, question your ability and reputation, and even cause you to consider moving to a different school.
Here you are giving your best every day. You go the extra mile for your students. You volunteer for committees and are a prompt team player with a positive attitude.
And your principal can’t even, or won’t even, say hello.
Now, before we go any further, I want to say that such behavior is beyond the pale. It’s rude and unprofessional and there’s no excuse for it.
But here’s the thing: It’s not about you.
The truth is, unless they’re completely childish and incompetent, and therefore engaged in manipulative game-playing, they’re not trying to communicate anything to you.
They’re just overwhelmed. They’re so far underwater and lost in thought that you don’t even register.
Further, they may be so pressed for time that they fear you may want to chat, ask questions, or bring up issues and problems they’ll then have to deal with.
So they avoid you.
Again, this doesn’t make it right. A principal who habitually shuns common courtesy is unlikely to be very effective. It raises red flags about their social and interpersonal skills, organizational ability, and time management.
But the biggest red flag is that they don’t see the value in greeting staff members, however brief—which is a clear sign of poor leadership.
Staff morale is critical to a high performing school, and a principal who doesn’t cultivate it and make it a chief priority will never inspire school-wide excellence.
So here’s my advice the next time the boss pretends you don’t exist:
Don’t give it another thought. Never, ever let it affect you. Not one iota. It isn’t personal and most of your colleagues are experiencing the same thing.
(Note: Principals like this tend to have a small group of select teachers they do gab and laugh with, which is galling, of course, and further evidence of bad leadership.)
It does, tell you, however, that you may need to make adjustments in your relationship.
Namely, interact with them only out of necessity, which if you do your job should be a rare occurrence. Be kind. Be accommodating. But keep the relationship utmost professional, need to know basis only.
And next time you see them walking toward you, look up and be ready to say hello. But say it only if they say it first. Send the message that you’re worthy of their respect.
That you’re not a pawn for them to move around their big board or a royal subject desperate for their acknowledgment.
It’s funny how life works—psychology, human nature and such.
When you’re confident in your own skin, when you know you’re doing right by your students and don’t need anyone’s approval, people tend to bend over backwards to give it to you anyway.
If you just focus on being the best at what you do, what you can control, and stop worrying about what anybody else thinks, even the most clueless and self-absorbed principal will one day out of the blue pull you aside and say . . .
“Oh my gosh, I so appreciate you!”
PS – Both The Happy Teacher Habits and The Classroom Management Secret are now available as audiobooks.
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Thank you very much for this article. I will definitely try it.
I saw the suggested next topic “Why you should never send students to the principal” and have a question about it.
First, quick background info. I love your system and it worked perfectly for years until Pete. Pete had a horrendous childhood, suffered emotional abuse as well as physical abuse. He came to my class in January. I tried holding him to the same standards. Send notes home etc. This does not work on him. In desperation, when I can not deal with him any more, I will send him to the principal’s office to work at a desk just outside of her office to give ME a ten minute break.
What is your opinion on this?
I had a similar student this year, and I was doing the same thing. This resulted in daily trips to colleagues’ rooms and the front office. It was making me look really bad, and was also bad for the kid.
Now he chooses to stay in the class, will test me once a day and receive a warning, to which he says, “OK” and settles down with a look of contentment on his face.
Here’s the combination that worked:
1) Linsin’s approach on the whole class and on myself
2) obtaining a weekly talk therapist for the student
3) giving him a choice to opt out of the regular class activity to work on academics on a chromebook by himself, whenever he likes; also has a “Break Pass” he can use to take a 10-minute break out of the class.
His home life is still a slow-moving disaster. But he treats the classroom like a sanctuary now, and hardly ever uses the break passes. He almost always, when asked, opts to stick with what we’re doing and be part of the group.
Thanks – This is also very true of all walks of life! A fine article. Thanks
Hi Thea,
I haven’t changed my mind since that article was written. Unless you’re documenting dangerous behavior it makes your job more difficult.
I have a co-worker who did this to me. Every time I saw her coming toward me I made a point to say “Good morning!” I was NOT going to be ignored! After 3 years (yes! Three years!) she now says hello first and even engages in small conversation. Although she is not my principal (it does make a difference) I feel that I’ve gained her TRUST – something SHE has a problem with.
This is my principal to a tee. I was so stressed about poor test scores and what seemed to be the resulting cold shoulder from her that I thought about quitting. It’s good to know that it wasn’t just me.
Sounds just like a principal I used to deal with
There is a huge difference between being a Boss and being a. Leader
I don’t experience this with my principal; she’s good with manners. It’s some of my coworkers who can pass right by and not utter any greeting as if I do not exist. Yes, one in particular I know is the one with the issues; its not me but still I make it a point to say good morning to her anyway. I also greet all other colleagues with a “Good morning” and I sometimes get a grunt or a barely audible “morning.” Still, good manners requires saying “Good morning” regardless of a returned salutation.
I used to greet a fellow teacher in the morning, if we ran into each other before school. Because she barely spoke, I wondered if I was annoying her. It was only when I left the school that I found out differently. Her comment in the school’s gift said she “was going to miss my smile and greeting in the morning”. Who knew?!?!
Dear Michael
Thankyou soooo much for this. I am sure it will help sooo many of us.
Godbless
You’re welcome, Cynthia. I hope so.
Absolutely amazing! It’s as if you have been walking with me throughout the hallways for the past several years. You described the entire atmosphere and lack of social interchanges, but explained the reasons and conclusions I have also found to be very true. Over time, I learned to pray for our principal considering the inordinate amount of pressure they face in comparison to me and my happy classes (thanks to all I’ve learned from you and your resources), and I enjoy that rare, “Hello, Sam!” every now and then with understanding and appreciation.
Glad to hear it, Sam!
Thank you so much for this article. This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing at my school, and I’ve been struggling because our principal is so friendly and jovial with other teachers. He gives tons of attention to the teacher assistants and a select few teachers. I have done extra projects for the PTO, had newspaper articles published about my work, the parent feedback and evaluations I’ve had are great, but I can’t even get a good morning or a thank you from the principal. (I am a specialist and I do a whole school art show every year that is barely acknowledged.) I love my job, but my morale is definitely down.
You’re welcome, Kayla.
This write-up so describes my situation! I will not let it get to me anymore. Promise.
The administration never acknowledged my colleague and me for directing the school play this year, but took the credit for it 🙁
So when I tried keeping my principal on a need to know only basis, I was accused of not communicating enough. So my principals wont engage in conversation or check-ins & put it on staff to communicate with them & if they dont then the teachers are thought of as unprofessional. Not a great situation to be in.
But what to do with the principal who is afraid of losing his/her chair?
After years of hard work with students and European projects, there came my recognition. A lot of students and parents expressed the or gratitude and they where superlative about my teaching style. It was a great surprise for me as well, I did not manage to attend the meeting but I shaw the recording.
The next day my ordeal started …..false accusations , humiliation etc. In out country, as teacher you can apple for a financial incentive, only if you prove with evidence, But most of this evidence is certified by the principal. I had to wait hours at her office’ door to sign my papers: whenever I tried to enter : Not now, can’t you see I am busy?….but she was signing the papers of the people who were queing behind me.
How to deal with this type?
This perfectly describes my school’s principal. Fortunately it’s hard to take it personally because she’s like that with everyone but the staff on the building leadership.
I don’t know if this falls under classroom management, but what advice would you give to teachers who work for poor or inconsistent school leaders? My school has gone through 5 principals in the past 8 years and we’re about to hire another. Our staff feels so unappreciated and demoralized, and the school is in chaos! It’s extremely hard to be a good classroom manager when you have no support from administrators.
This article is great! My principal leaves a lot to be desired. Morale at our school is terrible. Most teachers do not like the administration. I don’t think they realize that having a staff who respects you results in a better school environment for all. I personally, am that person who will speak first, however, if you choose to ignore or avoid me I speak to you on a need to basis. I can always keep it professional because my first concern is for my students and what’s going on in my classroom.
HA! I did that once. I was speaking to a co worker in the front office and the principal walked in looked at us both and said good morning Ms. P., she looked at me and walked away. I said fine. So a couple of days later, I walked into the office and she was speaking to the same person. Well…I said good morning Ms. P., and I stayed there, I didn’t leave. Well the principal was looking for her good morning and I just turned my face. She then looked my way and said good morning. I replied with, oh, good morning. I know when to be respectful but i also know when not to be a chump. I respect people, that respect me.
We also have this situation. I’m not looking for chat; I’m busy too. The worst part is that they all were teachers and probably complained about the same thing. How quickly they forget!
Whereas I had always wanted to be a teacher (of visual art), I did other work before I finally said to myself “Enough” and looked for teaching work. One of my jobs was working in a full time art studio for adults with developmental and neurological disabilities. The “clients” were wonderful, so sweet and polite. But I was part time… So, a job opened up working for a printing press (before internet!) in a renowned print shop. I went to work there. But, to my surprise, the staff, aka adults, were difficult- judgemental, rude, impulsive. So, that experience helped me be more compassionate towards my admin staff— they’re just adults, full of unresolved issues that they act out on staff. No biggie. I have my classroom of teenagers, and they have to deal with me, and vica versa. Much easier than working ONLY with adults. So, I agree- the principal is probably having another bad day, and can’t show vulnerability— so we are ignored and I am fine with that! Happy summer (if you’re off).
Very informative and interesting article indeed!
The truth is childish and manipulative principals do exist especially in Middle East where local law gives them the right to issue an Exit or refuse it to employees (this is the mildest example of power). I myself am the victim of a principal’s grudge, consequently demoted from vice principal, rendered my resignation as protest and took my way. Instead of choosing ‘My Way’, I chose ‘High Way’.
I challenge arguments that any principal would ever deliberately ignore someone. I’ve not said hello to people who’ve pulled my up on it and it’s no coincidence that’s it always a day that I am so occupied by thoughts (not always teaching related) that people think I ignore them. I would like an article on how to deal with other teachers who complain, fuss and make accusations about you deliberately ignoring them when it couldn’t be further from the truth. I find the “why am I always the first one to say hello” petulant and just shows how disingenuous that hello must be.
Thank you so much for this timely article. My admin has been doing this for 2 years now. I knew this information, but people were telling me to give in and grow up. But common sense and my upbringing suggested something different. We are not a high-performing, successful school. Morale has been at an all-time low for 2 years now. I don’t expect or care if admin or staff say hello to me. I go about my business, take care of myself, do my job, and follow our contract as one of leaders of our Association.
My pleasure, Annice.
I have encountered this in various ways throughout life, like most of us. It’s galling and rude. While I don’t have this issue with my principal, I have a handful of unfriendly colleagues. Nothing you can do, it’s just who they are. What I have noticed in recent years is that STUDENTS many times lack this common courtesy. You will address them and they ignore you or barely speak. I believe our disconnected culture is in part to blame, but we can also set a standard at our schools, or, at the very least, in our classrooms.
Each year in my choirs we adopt a buzzword to explore, demonstrate, and live. Last year it was “mindfulness”. This year it will be “courtesy”…seriously! These things need to become a part of how we live and interact with others.
I agree.
Hi, Micheal
Thank you very much.That’s an informative article indeed.It would help in long run.
You’re welcome, Deepali.
It is amazing to read about how common this situation truly is. Our school has had multiple administrators over the past 10 years and the school morale has fluctuated depending upon the dynamics of the administration. I believe their jobs are quite challenging and I personally would not want to have that position, however, they chose it and are paid to be professional leaders in the school. You can’t inspire others to follow with rude, or selectively respectful conduct. Teachers also have very challenging roles and are also being pulled in many directions. I think that an effective administrator is one who tries to be consistently available and open to all of his staff members, whether he or she is having a bad day or not. I have recently chosen to leave a school after 15 years in large part due to the lack of leadership and support in our building. Multiple other teachers have also made that same decision this year. It matters.
You have helped me to see my problem from a different perspective. You’re absolutely correct in stating “It’s not about you.” This has allowed me to take a couple of steps back, example my professional relationship with my principal and make healthy changes. Now, when we pass each other in the hall, I smile and continue walking. I’m not giving up my common courtesy. If he says hello, I also say hello. You are right when you’re confident in your own skin, you know you’re doing right by your students, you don’t need anyone’s approval. Thank you!
You’re welcome, Katherine!
Wow an article I’ve been searching for for three years. I thought it was just me and I was starting to loose it in the last few weeks. This article will make me feel it’s not me, i am a good teacher.
Thanks for the article. My principal consistently does this with female teachers only. After four years, there is a consistent pattern of unprofessional behavior, including using stricter guidelines for female teachers, letting go of qualified female teachers over the age of 40, especially single-moms (we are up to 9), and making veteran female teachers work much harder to earn the highest rating (which I have because I document everything). Yes, it is probably grounds for a lawsuit. No, as a single-mother I cannot use my energy to pursue it. I have learned how to document everything to make sure I can never be counted down, and I just have to be practically perfect. It is hard, but not as hard as trying to fight it elsewhere. For a host of reasons, I cannot move right now, so this is it. Any advice for a principal like this? And yes, I am working to leave, but it will take possible one to two years. Thanks for your articles!