Trying to persuade students to behave is one of the most prevalent methods of classroom management.
This is why it’s so common to see teachers huddled privately with students—trying to push the right buttons, searching for the right words to say, attempting to convince students to behave.
They try out various approaches—the if-I-were-you, the do-as-I-say, the do-this-and-get-that, the how-would-you-feel-if.
They appeal to their students’ sense of right and wrong. They reason with them. They corner them with logic. They appease and pressure and coax and berate. They threaten and scold. They flatter and intimidate.
Hands out, head canted, eyes pleading, they all but beg their students to see things from their perspective.
But the truth is, trying to persuade students to behave is an exercise in futility that causes behavior to get worse, not better.
Here’s why:
It’s time-consuming.
Pulling students aside for private talks takes you away from what you should be doing, that is teaching, observing, and managing your class. And so every time you do, every time you call one of your students over to try and convince them to behave, concentration wanes, learning is put on hold, and another block of teaching time is lost forever.
It’s stressful.
Nothing is more stressful than trying to persuade students to behave. Not only will your clever—or clumsy—words fall on deaf ears and rolling eyes, but doing so will cause you to resent your students—and they to resent you—more every day. You’ll feel the pressure the moment they walk into your classroom, and carry it with you long after they leave.
It often turns ugly.
When you make the decision to conference with individual students, it’s typically with only a vague sense of wanting to improve their behavior. But too often emotion takes over and your talk turns into a reprimand. Threats, warnings, and ultimatums are given, students become angry and argumentative, and the student-teacher relationship is damaged.
It pushes students away.
Meeting with individual students about their behavior will weaken your influence with them. It causes them to instinctively put up their guard, pull back from you and into a protective shell, and see you in a unfavorable light. It builds walls more than tears them down, and dampens their desire to please you and prove to you they can improve.
It let’s them off the hook.
Trying to persuade students to behave absolves them of responsibility. They know that if they endure your talking-to, they’re free to go without further consequence. In other words, your pulling them aside is an act of discipline, and telling you what you want to hear, or merely listening to you, becomes the accountability—which is no real accountability at all.
The Power Of Influence
Influence comes from students being drawn to you. It’s not something that can be extracted from them.
So when you pressure your students, when you pull them aside to try to persuade them into doing what you want, and being who you want them to be, they’ll reject it.
They’ll distance themselves from you. They’ll begin to see your relationship as a tug-o-war, one side against the other.
You’ll make them your adversary.
And when this happens, when there is friction and antagonism, opposition and distrust, all hope is lost. Classroom management becomes a battle of wills, pitting you against your students for control.
The good news is that you have the power to build the kind of influence that changes behavior, that makes classroom management easier, and that frees you from the burden and frustration of having to convince students to behave.
But you must give up the private powwows and contentious confabs, and instead focus your energy on creating a classroom your students look forward to coming to every day.
Tap into your likability, your humor, and your rapport with your students. Become a leader they respect and look up to.
And leave the persuading to your classroom management plan.
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I struggle with this article. I like your comments at the end, but I struggle with the beginning. Can you define what you mean by persuading students to behave a little better? Thanks for challenging my thoughts!
Hi Chris,
It’s a reliance on the creative use of one’s words to try and convince students to behave.
Michael
Good morning Michael,
You present an interesting point of view in this post. While reading the article, my mind flashed back to unfruitful student exchanges over the years, pleading, cajoling, bantering, reasoning with them. To no avail. This year, I’ve been trying the strategies you share and have been experiencing victories.
For example, I have an Algebra student who presents as argumentative and uncooperative. Recently after dealing out playing cards to form random groups, I observed this student exchanging his card with someone else. I called him on it and instructed him to sit at the “Aces” table, since that is the card he received. He refused to move. Knowing how this student escalates, I knew he would need time to cool down. I quietly gave him two choices: please go to the group you were assigned or go to your seat and work independently. He chose the latter, but put his head down on the desk, refusing to work. In a matter-of-fact tone I told him, “I’m giving you two minutes to think this through. I’m walking away to check in on another group. When I come back in two minutes, I expect to see you doing the work. Not doing the work is not an option.”
When I came back to his desk, he was on task and even ready to accept my help.
Hi Michael,
Thanks again for another insightful article! I have two questions about this.
1. Are there ever times (not during instruction, not in place of consequences, etc.) when one could or should talk to a student about, for example, how another student felt when that student did a certain behavior? Do you think students can learn how to be respectful and moral people through examples (a teacher’s or other students’) and consequences, even without these types of talks that try to help students be good people or do we need to do more as teachers to help students learn how to be good people? (Sometimes I worry that my students are only doing the right thing because of my behavior plan, and not because they always internalize it or would do so on their own without any outside structure.)
2. Would you consider the following situation to be undesirable coaxing/persuading or to be an appropriate form of laying out choices:
My students know that the consequence for calling out in morning meeting is having to leave the circle for 5 minutes. They also know what the consequence is if they talk or continue to fool around while sitting in the chair outside the circle. I apply this consistently with every student during every meeting we have. However, occasionally a student will be angry about leaving and want to stay. In that case, I usually remind them about their choices, saying, “You may leave now and come back in five minutes or if you don’t leave now you will have to miss the entire meeting / start out of the circle at tomorrow’s meeting.” Do you think this is inappropriate persuading, or something that is okay to do?
Thanks!
Hi Catherine,
1. For the most part, private talks about a student’s misbehavior are ineffective and inefficient in improving his/her behavior in the classroom. I think with the right classroom management skills a teacher can turn around a difficult student–literally change them for the better and for the future. Influence can be that powerful.
2. I think how you handle the situation you describe is excellent. I wouldn’t change a thing.
:)Michael
Hi Michael =)
I just want to share a heart-warming experience. I was working with a very small preschoolers group, there was a talkative kid, his classmates were tracing in silence, for some reason he couldn’t stop talking after getting a Warning. Perhaps he was anxious, then he got a Time out, in that right moment we all went on a hands on activity, fun increased while he had no fun. Soon my class was over, and I said good bye, right before walking downstairs I heard a little voice saying “I love you.” I gave him a smile and replied “I love you too” and thought “Thanks Michael L.”
Great story, Erika. I love it. Thanks for sharing.
:)Michael
Hello Michael,
I am having some issues with classroom management. I have been having issues with students not wanting to be respectful towards me or listen to me at all. I’m getting frustrated at this behavior. I am a middle school paraprofessional and I have students who feel that just because I am not a certified teacher, that they do not have to respect me as a staff member. Most of my students are very respectful, but there are some who are not. I find myself losing my cool with students and it’s not fair to them or to myself. What can I do to get students to be more respectful, not lose my cool, and to more so be happy as a future teacher?
Hi Roderick,
Are you in a classroom or does this happen outside of class? Email me if you like.
Hi Michael,
What are your thoughts on Restorative practices? I’m not sure if you are familiar but RP relies on a conversation that looks at what’s happened, what the person was thinking or feeling, who’s been affected and how to fix the problem. I know it’s not fir all kids but I’m interested in your thoughts
Hi Belinda,
I’m familiar with it, but it falls outside the scope of what I do here. I’ve been asked to give my opinions on many classroom management systems and approaches and I always refrain. Everything I believe in, you can find here on this site. 🙂
Michael