At the start of every school year you drag your finger down your roster, hopeful you won’t see one of the few names that can send shivers down your spine.
Every year, it seems, there are a handful of students that have the potential to make your life miserable.
Having one of these beauties on your roster can mean the difference between leaping out of bed in the morning and shrinking pitifully back under the covers.
For most teachers, a year with a difficult student will proceed predictably.
The student will disrupt your class, interfere with learning, and cause you to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to curb his or her behavior.
You’ll manage to keep the damage to a minimum and get the child through the school year.
But at what cost?
How much were the other students affected? How much class time was lost dealing with this one student?
And what about you and your personal fulfillment?
Was it another year of being sick and tired of dealing with misbehavior? Is it going to be another summer of hoping the stars will align and you finally get a “good” class?
And what of the difficult student? Will he (or she) move on to the next grade level no more mature or well behaved than when he walked through your classroom door on the first day of school?
Will you sigh, rub your temples, and say to your colleagues, “I’m so glad this year is over, and I’m sorry to whoever gets Anthony next year?”
What I’m getting at is this:
Are you ready to confront the real reason why you struggle with difficult students?
The Buck Stops Here
The reason teachers struggle with difficult students year after year is because they don’t have the stomach for it.
Their sense of compassion overrides doing what is right for the student.
Compassion is a good thing. We teachers were born with it in abundance. It breaks our hearts to see what some of our students have to go through at such a young age.
I get that. I feel for what some of our students have to deal with.
But this same compassion that in many respects makes you a good teacher can cause you to make excuses for students, which, in the long run, hurt them and undermine your ability to turn them around.
Example:
“I know Anthony was terrible this week and doesn’t deserve to go on our field trip to the zoo, but I don’t want to leave him back at school because ____________________.”
A. Anthony has a tough home life
B. Anthony’s father is in prison
C. Anthony has a learning disability
D. Anthony has never been to the zoo
I know you want what’s best for your students. I know you love kids. I know you want to make a difference.
But do you care enough to stop making excuses for bad behavior? Do you care enough to make the hard decisions? Do you care enough to put your personal feelings aside and do what is right for your students?
Are you ready to say, “It’s over. The buck stops here. The disrespect, the bad behavior, and the excuses are going to stop with me?”
Are you ready to make a lifelong impact on those who need you the most?
Answering yes to these questions is difficult. It’s scary. It means you must confess that there really is something more that you can do.
The power to turn difficult students around indeed resides with you.
You really can make a difference in Anthony’s life. You really can change the course of his life and lead him down the path that leads to success and opportunity—despite the terrible hand Anthony has been dealt.
But you can’t escape this truth:
You do Anthony no favors by excusing his behavior or by saying, “Anthony’s behavior is terrible, but it’s expected. He is dealing with a lot of issues at home and carries around a lot of anger.”
There is no excuse for bad behavior. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
Sure, we can try to understand why it happens and where it comes from. We can help Anthony with his anger. We can show Anthony compassion with our encouraging words and notes of praise.
Life is incredibly tough for some of our students, without a doubt.
But if you believe that they can’t overcome their circumstances, and you believe that they—and you—are at the mercy of their home life and their difficult past, then you’re giving up on them.
And by excusing bad behavior and blaming it on outside influences, you’re letting them know loud and clear that you don’t believe in them.
Next week, I’m going to show you what to do when a difficult student like Anthony shows up on your roster. I’m going to show you how to turn them around and make a powerful impact on their lives.
But the last question I have for you is this:
Do you have the stomach for it?
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Thanks for ur useful guidance.
one child in my school is using slang languages since last year. Parent do not agree,nor step to school to discuss about this. Situation is getting worse now. teachers cant teach in class. Daily some or other harm is done to other students. Parents had a political approach. Manage just say to ignore it,but as supervisor in my school how should i handle him
Hi Ayra,
I need more information in order to give you my opinion. Please email me with more specifics. I’m happy to help!
Michael
im frustrated. My associate teacher (I am a student teacher) believes that you have to be inconsistent with classroom rules because you dont know what kind of day someone is having. The classroom is undisplined, the only suggestions to manage the class are to shout…Im at a loss for words. What can be done?
Hi Yves,
Sorry to hear that. Teachers who are inconsistent have poor classroom management and typically use potentially harmful and counterproductive methods like yelling, lecturing, admonishing, etc. When you’re given control of the class, however, you don’t have to teach this way. There is no reason why you can’t be consistent and follow the class rules. Also, you’re only a student teacher for a short time. Take it all in, even if it’s what not to do.
Hang in there.
Michael
What can I do about students who actually run around the room, out the door and up and down the school building halls? Second grade. We have “ISS” inschool suspension, which is just a room with a teachers aide who supervises the kids doing or pretending to do the work that we prepare for them. It’s really more punishment for the teachers, having to get the extra work ready for the kids. The aide does not really insure that the kids do the work properly – in fact she at times seems to make ISS a “fun” place and even when she is strict with them, we certainly don’t notice an improvement in behavior when they come back to class the next day. Parents may spank their kids – which bothers me. Mostly they just go home and get on video games even when they have gotten in trouble at school. My colleagues and I are feeling so defeated. Misbehaving kids are making it hard for the serious students to learn.
Hi Jan,
I can certainly hear the frustration in your words. This site was created to help teachers like you, and I believe in my heart it can do that–regardless of who your students are. Please take a look around and try a few of the strategies. I think you’ll be happy with the results. As for your questions here and under another article, the behavior of your students is a symptom of what is going on in your classroom. It is indeed severe misbehavior to throw things at you and to run out of your classroom and up and down the halls unsupervised. I’m not going to rewrite here what has already been written on the website. For severe misbehavior look through not just the Difficult Student category, but all the categories. If after using the strategies and principles to change your approach you have any specific questions, email me. I’m happy to help.
Michael
Last yr I took a high school student under my wing, mentored, kept in touch over the summer & provided guidance and leadership. He was a new ELL last year and very bright, with so much potential!. This yr now in 12th grade, he has become the opposite of last yr. Does no work, acts inappropriate to gain attention, disrespectful towards me. I am close with the family, have spoken in generalities to the dad, but haven’t addressed the whole issue. I have cajoled, pleaded, discussed, etc, his need to get on task for graduation. It continually is ignored. He acts like i am a nuisance. His grade report I am hoping will jolt him into reality but what if it has no effect? I feel so frustrated over this. It came so unexpected. why?
Hi Jeff,
It can hurt when a student turns his back on you–especially after all the help and support you’ve provided. But don’t give up on him. Certainly he may be annoyed with your involvement now, but too bad. It’s for his good. You have to care enough not to care what he thinks of you now. Stay on him. Someday he’ll thank you for it.
Michael
I love writing handwritten notes. I am a sub and sometimes have a longer assignment that allows me to do this as I get to know the students. I wanted to ask how you can leave a note for a middle schooler who is with you for only one period without embarrassing them. Also I wanted to share that students love it when I leave a note on the board to the entire class for them to read in the morning. I will refer to something funny or meaningful that we all shared and always be positive without saying something empty like “you’re a great class.” Once I subbed for two weeks for second graders. We fell into a pattern of having a quick class meeting after recess. One girl would always insist that I read the previous day’s note aloud to them. Some kids would actually sigh aloud in appreciation as the positive words rolled over them. I have also returned to classrooms weeks later and found my “table notes” carefully preserved. Table notes are observations of group work that I sometimes leave. For instance, if there is conflict in a group and they persevere and work better together after I coach them, I might stop by their table with a Post-it note that I stick in the middle of their table and then I walk away without waiting for a reaction. An example of what I might write: “This group is on the right track and gets my ‘most improved’ award today.” Thanks for raising this topic. I am continually amazed at how powerful written words are for young people.
Thanks for sharing, Susan. All great ideas. As for how to leave a note for a middle schooler, just drop it off and be on your way. As long as it’s done subtly, I think you’re okay.
Michael