Let’s begin this week’s article by looking at a common scenario.
You’re leading your students to class after visiting the library one day, and you notice Andrew kicking the heels of the student in front of him.
He is clearly doing it on purpose.
You stop the line, walk over to Andrew, and say, “Andrew, please stop kicking Karla.”
Andrew replies, “I wasn’t kicking anyone.”
“Yes, you were. I saw you.”
“I wasn’t doing anything. I was just walking.”
You are now officially in an argument.
And you don’t want to give in and lose the argument because, you think, it will encourage more bad behavior from Andrew, as well as from the rest of the class.
So you become determined to prove Andrew wrong and make him admit that he was indeed kicking Karla.
You go back and forth for several minutes until he takes responsibility for his behavior and apologizes to Karla.
But while you’re battling it out with Andrew, your students are waiting and growing bored, your upcoming lesson is on hold, and the smooth momentum of your day is lost.
If you feel like you have to prove to misbehaving students that (a) they did what you saw them do or (b) that their behavior was wrong, you’re going to find yourself in these situations a lot.
Why You Should Never Argue With Students
Here are the biggest reasons why you should never argue with students:
It’s stressful.
It can make you lose your cool.
It can cause you to behave in a manner you’ll regret.
It wastes time.
It creates friction between you and your students.
It weakens your relationship with students.
It makes you less likable.
It encourages students to challenge your authority.
Some students will try to goad you into an argument because it puts you on the same level. In other words, it becomes just two people disagreeing.
But is it really just two people disagreeing?
Of course not. You know Andrew is guilty and he knows he is guilty. So what is there to argue about?
How To Avoid Arguments With Students
I’ve had teachers tell me that you can’t avoid arguments with students altogether unless you’re willing to give in or let some things go. Based on how often I see teachers arguing with students, I think this is a common belief.
But with the right strategy, avoiding arguments with students isn’t difficult. It can even be a means of strengthening your classroom management effectiveness.
Here are the five steps to avoiding arguments with students.
1. Follow Your Classroom Management Plan – Arguments begin when the teacher asks a student to stop doing something rather than enforcing a consequence. Your classroom rules should cover every possible misbehavior. So when a student breaks a rule, simply follow your plan.
2. Give A Warning – Your classroom management plan should include a warning for the first offense. For example, when you see Andrew kicking the heels of the girl in front of him, make eye contact and say, “Andrew, you have a warning because you’re not keeping your hands and feet to yourself.”
3. Move On – After giving a warning, or a time-out if it’s a second offense, turn away from the student immediately and continue with whatever you were doing. Don’t give your students an opportunity to argue or explain their behavior. There is no need.
4. Pause/Repeat – If you find yourself in a situation where a student is determined to stand in front of you to plead his or her case, maintain eye contact, pause several seconds, and then repeat, “You have a warning because you are not keeping your hands to yourself.”
5. Enforce A Consequence For Arguing – If the student continues to argue, enforce the second consequence. “Andrew, you’re being disrespectful to me, which breaks rule number three. I’ll walk you to time-out.”
Following these steps will garner respect from students and dissuade them from attempting to goad you into any more arguments.
And the best part is you’ll never again have to prove to your students what you—and they—already know to be the truth.
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Great article! I needed to read this. I get pulled into arguments way too often with my students. I know these steps are going to make next week go much smoother. Thanks a million!
Thank you so much. I really needed a clear reminder of how to handle thi situation. I have been really stressed lately and this will be a huge step on the path to less stress and more learning in my classroom.
I have a student “Richard” that constantly tries to goad me into arguments. I love and understand the idea of just giving a consequence and I feel like I am about half way there. My concern with “Richard” is when he is talking I give a consequence, to which he routinely responds “I wasn’t talking” or “He was asking for a pencil” or “everyone else is doing it, why do you pick on me?”.
If I give a warning, he will object loudly, he will be sent to timeout, he will still object, what now?
Hi Alicia,
You’re the teacher. He can protest all he wants. Follow your plan. If you have to send a letter home or place him in extended time-out (see the three-part series on handling difficult students), so be it.
Michael
Thank you so much for the article.
but I have a question ( Well, 3 questions in fact‼) about ” Andrew and Karla”
what if I didn’t see what happened; that I just heard Karla ( or even a third student) complaining that Andrew kicked her heels. and Andrew denied that.
Am I supposed to separate them or give both of them a warning or what?
what if I know that Andrew was a difficult student and he most probably did it, but I didn’t see anything so I couldn’t be sure, what am I supposed to do?
Thirdly, what Am I supposed to do if Karla complained about an anonymous who kicked her heels? Should I accuse the closest to her or what?
Hi Alaa,
I’ve written about this topic in the past. Here you go: How To Get The Truth . . .
:)Michael
Thanks for the response
I just had a breakdown (I’ve had 2 so far) with my 4th period. These students are English Learners (Long Term English Learners) so their reading/writing skills are pretty low. Anyway, the breakdown was everything piling up all at once. Admin. changing my classes every day, stress at home, stress with income (I’m considered a long term sub)… I feel horrible for flipping out and feel like I should apologize. Should I? I didnt curse or throw anything. I yelled really loud and did say “shut your mouth” to a student who kept talking over me. The Principal came to “check up” on me, so I feel like I’m seen as weak and unprofessional now. I love teaching but I just had a really tough week. Is the way my students view me salvageable ?
Hi Yesenia,
Yes, students are forgiving and you can turn things around. Check out this article first, and then spend some time in the archive. I recommend starting in the Rapport & Influence category and then going from there.
:)Michael
Hi Michael,
I think I’ve read every article on your website!
I have a question that remains for a very oppositional student. What should I do in the case that a parent letter is written for home, and the student continues to misbehave. I’ve read that you said they should go be in extended time-out, but the reason the student is receiving the letter is because the student is refusing to go to time-out. Therefore, the student refuses to go to extended time-out as well.
Hi Jessica,
How is your relationship with the student? Have you met with the parents? What grade level do you teach? Have you indeed asked the student to go to extended time-out? Did you get the letter back? When the student refuses time-out, how do you react? Where then does the student go? Have you read the article on this topic? Have you read Dream Class and The Secret? Please email me with as many details as you can.
Michael
Hi Michael,
I am a new graduate and have been relief teaching for the last 6 months. I use a similar behaviour plan to yours, and sometimes I have to tweak it to fit in with a particular school wide behaviour plan.
As a relief teacher I have found students automatically “test you out”. I had an experience last week where one particular student refused all forms of instruction and consequence. He refused to work, refused to go to time out after warnings, refused to go to school buddy class or the office. Admin were no help and did not come to class to remove him.
I was therefore out of options and the rest of the class seeing this, soon joined in and general mayhem ensued.
I wonder if you have any advice when a teacher is on their own like this without the option of contacting parents or office support?
Thanks you for this wonderful website. I am currently reading Dream Class as well.
Hi Darren,
I wish I had the time and space here to address your question. However, I have plans for a guide or ebook for relief teachers that will include how best to handle this challenge.
Michael